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After 2+ years since D-day and numerous issues, I have come to the conclusion that my H is passive-agressive. I bought a book some time ago, but was too distraught with my life at that time to really pay too much attention to what it was saying. Now, when I read it, it's like a hidden camera has been following us around. We've been married 27 years, but I guess I let him get away with bad behavior when we were young and had 2 babies to raise. I didn't have anywhere else to go. Now, I see that he has so many issues and I am the only person he can take out his frustrations on. Does any one have any advice for dealing with these personality types? Any advice is appreciated.
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Joined: Apr 2006
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Me
I will be following this post. Yesterday someone had a link to a website about being PA. I thought the same thing about the hidden camera when I read the site.. I need to find the link because I want to book mark it because it had some good advice on how to deal with it.
Can you let me know the name of the book?
BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby
When life hands you lemons make lemonade then try to find the person life hands vodka and have a party.
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Joined: Aug 2005
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Hi Friend, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
How have you been lately?
I miss you.
Have things gotten better for you?
I am still working on PreA issues with husband but we are still together and kicking.
Good to hear from you,
Sincerely,
k.d.'s heartbreak
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 177
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KD--I, too, am still kicking and screaming. Just when I think things are getting better, along comes more issues. I had a fender bender a couple of weeks ago and you would think I had done something horrible. I get so frustrated I can't stand it. I am trying to hang in, but sometimes it is so hard. A bit of good news, we're going to be grandparents come December!
Hurtingless--Sorry to say, but the book is titled "Leaving with the Passive-Agressive Man", it seems more men have issues with this than woman. I do wish you luck. PA types can be so hard to live with. You might be able to gain insight from this book, if you have thick skin and don't get offended easily.
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Joined: Feb 2006
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Meonlybetter, My H is going to counseling right now and he's only been to one session and she believes he is PA. On my thread there is a MB member named nikko that informs me all the time about PA behavior. She actually told me she thought my H was PA before the counselor told him. She gave me a site to look at which I will pass on to you. I will tell her about your thread and maybe she can give you more insight too. http://www.passiveaggressive.homestead.com/SUGGESTIONS.html
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Joined: Nov 2004
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Thank you. I feel like I have no where to turn. My H refuses conseling.
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if you learn the game of the passive aggressive person....and YOU stop playing (change your reaction), it slowly changes their role. that site and book are great....but you have to learn the game...:)
what we do in life......echoes in eternity!
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Joined: Nov 2004
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Nikko-thanks for the advice. I know I only add fuel to the fire because I react to his negativity with more negativity.I'm not sure how to stop! I've just started re-reading the book by Dr Wetzler. I am seeing it through different eyes, however.
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Read the site to WH, he says p/a fits him to a tee.I agree.
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Here's a link to a great article on passive-aggressive behavior and it's effects on a P/A person's partner. http://www.angriesout.com/couples8.htm
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Congratulations, MOB!!!
Being a grandparent is wonderful.
Keep us updated.
Sister of another realm,
k.d.'s heartbreak
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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I looked over the site that the two of you gave, but I'm still a little confused on how to determine if H is PA. If you could give some examples I would appreciate it!
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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Joined: Nov 2004
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Needing--Read "Living with a Passive-Agressive Man", by Scott Wetzler, Ph.D, You'll understand a little more about passive-agressive behavior. My H alternates between being very loving and being very cold, often within the same breath. It's very frustrating and confusing. Best of Luck!
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