I am so frustrated I cant see straight <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I am tired of feeling used sexually with no pleasure being offered to me in return <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
FOr the last few years, H has basically climbed on top of me...does his thing and climbs back off.
He will rarely kiss me romantically...if he kisses, they are short and shallow.
He doesnt know how to make me feel physically good....he does not know how to satisfy me. I am always left to take care of myself.
He will come on to me, rub me for a few minutes...kiss my neck a couple times, get me half nude, may squeeze my breasts for a couple of minutes, then he is off to the races.
When it is over, he climbs off and heads for the shower <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I have complained for the last few years and he claims to be ready to make changes, but never really does??
If he knows he is in for a quickie, he is excited. But, if he knows I want more than that, he loses his erection and excitment and I end up calling the session off <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I do so because he seems bored, uptight, or just completey disengaged...what is the use?? How could I possibly become excited with that??
This is becoming a huge lovebuster for me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
He has made me orgasm only one time since we have been together, and that was basically an accidental thing...when we first met, and he rubbed thru the clothes the right way...but ever since then, there has been no real interest in me as a woman...a sexually vibrant woman who's needs keep getting pushed aside.
I keep telling him WHAT I need....that is all explained to him....but there is rarely if any effort on his part. Sometimes on the rare occaision he does try, the touches are rough and quick...I try to guide him, but he doesnt listen <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I am at my wit's end <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I am not the kind of person to cheat on him...I cant even think of it....
Does it sound like I am being used?? He has no concept that women can have orgasms....in his mind, he thinks it is pleasureable just by intercourse alone....I cant make him SEE that.
I am frustrated and needed to just vent.
Any opinions, insight or advice is welcome.
I am almost ready to tell him to go find a marriage councellor....it has become a huge problem for me.....everytime we connect, he has this wall up....it is like he is afraid of true intimacy....I cant break the wall down and we have talked about it til we are blue in the face. I am always met w/ promises of change....but change never occurs.
Thanks for listening.
It has become to the point that I am so starved for basic touch that it feels good (not sexually) but it feels good when I go for a haircut and I have my hair shampooed....I am not trying to be sick...it is not sexual, or anything...I am just starved to be touched <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I hate this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> And I dont see how it will work for the long run <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I want to be equally important to him when it comes to sexual fulfillment....but I am not <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Emma

Emma,

Are you sure he needs a marriage counselor? From your brief descriptions it sounds like their may be underlying reasons for his behavior that have nothing to do with you.

Does this behavior spill over into other parts of your marriage or is it confined to the bedroom?

God Bless
OAM

It's time to start taking back your own sexuality. Go buy some condoms--some regular ones and some of those desensitzing ones. Hide them in the dressers.

Tonight, tell your husband you want to tie his hands to the bed posts, blindfold him and give him a blow job that will knock his socks off.

After you have him secured with some silk scarfs or whatever, whip out the condoms. Put the desensitizing one on first then two more regular ones. If your H balks tell him you've got some duck tape handy and you are not afraid to use it. Now climb on and enjoy the ride--it's gonna be a long one! Chances are excellent that he'll enjoy it as much as you do.

Don't feel alone I don't think this is really abnormal.

There was a comic on last comic standing and he told a joke and he said he felt like sex was a race and he has never lost once.

I am sorry to tell you but it is up to you to change it. You can do it if you are patient. If you would like details I will help you but you have to be some what uninhibited to make it work. I had to take quite a few human sexuality courses and this topic was a huge issue in that class. More common then you think

I have read some of your posts before. I know you alluded to your husbands use of porn. I just wonder how much he is envolved with the use of porn. It sounds like he is totally insensitive to your needs. There are many men who use porn that become sexual addicts and they become focused totally on themselves like many addicts do. They loose sight that there is someone else with needs. It sounds like that might be the case with you.

Emma, I like Pieta's idea. He is obviously not interested in changing anything because it all works for him. If you want change, you have to initiate it. Take him hostage for your pleasure.

One of the principles that I've read over and over on this site is that you cannot change his actions, you can only change your own. Usually following this his actions will change as well. Find something that you think you both would enjoy then have at her, or him as the case may be.

One other thing to consider. Sometimes it is physically not possible to maintain an erection if the blood vessles feeding the penis are leaking. Then the erection is short-lived and any extended SF can result in losing the erection and then the inability to regain it. He may have discovered this and is using the "quickie" as a way to have SF without being embarrassed.

Suggest going to a physcian and asking for some viagra or similar drug to see if that rebuilds his confidence in maintaining an erection.

Then you can tie him up.

In many relationships the simultaneous O is very difficult.

That does not excuse the man from making sure the encounter is mutually beneficial to both parties.

A man can certainly please a women without even having intercourse.

A man that does not do this is selfish.

If ED is a problem there are plenty of other avenues to explore.

I am a man and I feel almost guilty when we have a quicky and she does not have an O. If a quicky is necessary I make it up to her later.

The first step is finding out what your partner likes. I have always asked for them to show me. Me being no rocket surgeon I just then copy what she did.

With that being said I also firmly believe that it is the womans responsibility to help. If you allow this to happen and act like it is pleasurable then what are men to do. Faking should not happen.

For someone in your situation I would say that you should start with the accidental one you had. Let him know that you just want heavy petting tonight. Anything is legal as long as the undergarments stay on and no intercourse. It is actually quite fun beleive it or not.

Some of this sounds familiar, and some of it doesn't.

It is *possible* that your H is suffering from ED issues - could be caused by performance anxiety, a physical problem, or a combination of the two. A key here is his desire for you - is that desire still apparent even when he loses his erection? Don't look at his erection as a thermometer for his desire - look at the whole picture. If you're not sure, ask him. If that desire is still there, then I suggest a visit to the doctor and a trial of Viagra or Levitra.

If there is no desire, then it could be that he is no longer attracted to you - but this one is a bit iffy, because you say he's been like this ever since you got together.

My FWW saw your post, and thinks that your H might be involved in an A, hence the lack of emotional connection and indifference to your sexual needs. Is he exhibiting any behaviour that suggests he might be involved with someone else?