My original thread is here...
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

I'm still treading water - and getting very tired. I had a very direct conversation with my W about our situation. I read her the letter at the end of the thread above. It seemed to reach her at times... but she would lash out on specific parts of it whenever she could find a chance.

She still works with OM - but says A if over. I believe PA is over, but not EA.

My W always positions herself and throws out threats of looking for a apartment or divorce.

I told her last night that I don't accept her contact with OM. She needs to decide what to do. She still sees that as a ultimatum (quit or get a divorce), and not as a boundary. I also told her that she needs to return with me to MC to work on our marriage.

I told her that she crossed the line with her A and she needs to take ownership in fixing it one way or another.

So now what do I do? She has not given me an answer - just silent treatment around the house. How do I get her to move? How do I act around her? Do I still Plan A? Do I ask her daily what her decision is?

I have not exposed at work because I do not want to be seen as forcing her to lose her job and then have that come out in Divorce court. That would be very bad for me. I know - I screwed up - I should have exposed when this first happened.

What can I do to save my family?

You know as long as they have contact recovery of your M can't happen. And even if PA is over EA looks like it continues. The more contact they have the more of a chance for PA to resume...if it hasn't already.

Have you talked to Steve Harley? Will your wife talk to SH?

My WH got very comfortable sitting on the fence eating cake for over a year after D-Day. He wouldn't commit and he wouldn't leave. LIMBOLAND...its the worst.

Finally I had enough and sought out a lawyer for D...the only way I could get him to leave. Then I put a stop to D...told him I wouldn't contine...D was last option. Until we explored other options I would not proceed w/ D. Option 1 commit to working on marriage for 3 months and then re assess (He didn't even ask what steps to take) Option 2 he moved out for 3 months to see if thats what he truely wants.He moved out in May I just started plan B 2weeks ago.

She will cake eat and live in limboland as long as you allow here to. She can have a family and OM at the office. Very nice arrangement for an alien.

You've stated your boundaries. Set a time limit for plan A. (don't tell her the deadline). If she does not comply w/ your boundaries tell her its time to leave.

Think about calling Steve.

LIMBOLAND sucks... especially since we just built a beautiful house and have tons of work to do on it (landscapig / decorating). I have a huge problem investing $ that I might not get back at this point.

I'm struggling with Plan A now... after our conversation last night - it was a huge LB. How am I supposed to act now? Am I supposed to be doing Plan A and trying to meet her needs... or what? I need to get out of limboland soon... it's been to long. Regarding a time limit - it is very soon for me... I was using milestones like a family vacation we had planned in April, then my birthday in May... I don't have anything to look forward to right now.

As far as calling Steve - I will look into that.. but my wife looked at this site months ago and felt that it really only had stuff for people in my situation - not hers. Yeah, I guess they don't have a site called PossessedByAliens.

If the A (PA or EA) is continuing then you must expose at work.

You both cannot work on the M if there is still CONTACT!!!

The only way for her to stop contact is for ONE OF THEM TO QUITE!!

So simple, yes?

All else is effort and agony for nothing and that rollercoaster keeps on going.

""She can have a family and OM at the office. Very nice arrangement for an alien. ""

ChaCha is sooo right. HECK OF A DEALIO for her!!

GET STRONG AND STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

kirk

Dazed06,

"" but my wife looked at this site months ago and felt that it really only had stuff for people in my situation - not hers.""

OUCH BROTHER!!!

Your sitch is what???...the walking wounded and devistated?? and hers is??????????????????? What the ****** is her situation?? On top of the world at home and the office??

This says ALOT about her.

Sorry, but that really chaps my hide!

kirk

I think she feels she has rockstar status at work. Her role as a mom leaves a lot to be desired.

But I really want to keep my family together - at the sametime I'm tired of being a doormat.

How do you plan A with the carrot and the stick... How do you use the stick?

The stick is about exposing, I believe.

The only people who don't know are her work people and her close friends. Do I really stand to gain her by exposing to them at this point?