last nite my h and his OW spent the nite together i am afraid i may lose my h so i <BR>did what he wanted me to do come join them i feel so sick about this that no book i read will help me !!!<P>I feel i am a loser and thats all it IS and i should be gratefull to him for being the provider WHAT TO DO GOOD BYE

Carol G-<BR>I just read your post on Mush 4 Brains. Can you explain what that means? Are you in trouble?<BR>Did you have sex with your h and OW? I am confused by this post?<BR>I am here and want to help you. Tell me what is wrong. <P>cc

THANK YOU CEE my H has done it again his OW was over and its like i get rape and if i do not like it there is the door ***** .my H is a good man he is the bread winner but he has gone crazy with sex i donot like sex and now i hate it what should i do thank you for your help!!

Carol,<BR> Stop, I just read your post on Mrs. Mush-4-Brains thread, and I'm worried about you!!!!<P> Carol, I think I understand what you are trying to say here, look, you love H, I understand that. If this is what I think it is, there have been women in this kind of situation before, men too for that matter. <P> God forgives sin, if we are sorry for what we've done and we ask, all sin Carol. I don't believe God has a sliding scale of sins, sin is sin, period. So ask and believe you recive His forgiveness.<P> What we as humans have the hardest time with is forgiving ourselves ! But who are we to refuse to forgive ourselves if God is willing to forgive us.<BR>Uh Carol, look at St. Paul. Did God forgive him ? Of course he did, he forgave him and used him to spread the gospel like no other. Umm, now Carol I don't think you have help to arrest christians to face murder and torture now have you ? Paul did, Peter denied hrist the night /morning of His arrest, God forgave Peter, Carlo, you are just as important to God as them, Jesus died for your sins just like He did theirs.<P> Ask God to forgive you and then Forgive yourself Carol. <P> Don't allow H to make you feel that if you aren't willing to betry your conciense that you will lose him. Its wrong of him to even ask that of you. And why would ow allow it either ? <P> We will do a lot for love, but Carol, what your h is doing is not love, pure and simple. It is controling and hurting you. Carol, you don't deserve this. I am praying for you. <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Carol G<P>Ok, you need to calm down. I know things may seem very out of control right now, but please, take a deep breathe.<BR>Does he force you to have sex with him? Has he ever hurt you Carol.<P>If he is forcing you to have sex against you will, you are right, he is raping you. You need to notify the athorities.<P>If you are having sex with him because you are afraid you will lose him, STOP NOW. You do not have to have sex with him, just because he is you husband. You do have a choice. If you do not want to do this, you do not have to.<P>How long has this been going on? Do you have children? Does he have sex w/ OW in your home?<P>Carol, talk to me. I will help you the best I can.<P>Do you feel safe in the house? If you don't, you need to leave.<P>cc<BR>

Carol,<BR> I second everything CeeCee just said, talk to us, I'm worried about you.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Carol,<P>I third everything CeeCee said. Get HELP, and get it NOW!!!<P>------------------<BR>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<BR>

Hi Deb!<BR>Carol, are you ok? I am very worried about you. You sound very frantic. Please, let us help you. You can make it through this.<P>cc

cee thank you for your reply i feel i have no life joy happyness.and yes he is raping me he a few times hurt me really bad down there he is my first and only man i have ever had we did not do it till the wedding nite and no i cannot call the cops on him he just is going sex crazy and the ow i donot even talk to her it seeems like my h like her more then me there watching football and i am there cook slave right now WHERE IS THE HOT PEPPER<P>sorry for my spelling i was a drug drop out but no more drugs ever for me thats where I met my H

Carol - <BR>going to my prayer closet to say prayers for you.

Carol-<P>I know this is extremely hard for you. You DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS!!!!!<BR>You have to make a choice. Do you want to continue to have your life put in jeopardy or do you want something better?<BR>Carol, you do have a choice. What you h is doing to you is WRONG!<P>I can only imagine what kind of hell you are in right now, but you don't have to stay there. <P>I will take a lot of courage, Carol, but you must make a choice. Is this REALLY how you want to live?<P>Does he beat you? Have you ever pressed charges? I still don't know if you have children.<P>I think you need to get out of the house. Is there somewhere you can go?<P>cc

CEE THANK YOU NO KIDS THANK GOD he only hurts me if he is having problems in bed and i think thats why the OW is there i have no idea what she is doing here i have not a dime and cannot leave him for some reason i do feel secure here and if i leave i am afraid i will start the drug seen again if and when i have money thats the road i guess i should take thanks all

Hi all,<BR>I have a strong suspision that Carols22 posting on here is also the former<BR>nomorebshoney AND icouldcareless.<BR>If I am wrong, i am truly sorry.<BR>If Carols22 is really who she says she is then I hope that she gets some help and fast.<BR>She needs to get out of her situation. And I hope that she does. Nobody deserves to be treated like this.<BR>Again, if I am wrong about this being ANOTHER prank, I am sorry.<BR>Ian<BR><p>[This message has been edited by IOH (edited October 02, 1999).]

WHO??? I will not bother you all anymore you can email me at carols22@aol.com<P>thank you all for your help!!

Carol, there are organizations that will help you leave, will provide you with financial help and a roof over your head and food. There are rape crisis centers where you can be put in touch with a place to go where you can be safe.<P>You need to get out of there - sex is supposed to be an expression of love - and is never supposed to be hurtful. Rape is never right, no matter who it is that is doing it.<P>You probably won't believe this now, but you will learn to feel so much better about yourself if you get out of this situation. God never intended for any person to be used the way you are being used - and He forgives as long as you are truly repentant. Once you get yourself out of there, you will have the opportunity to find out for yourself just how wonderful you are.<P>Please get help. Look up "rape crisis" in the yellow pages of the phone book. Try the following websites, too:<P> <A HREF="http://www.rainn.org/counseling.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.rainn.org/counseling.html</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.stardate.bc.ca/survivors/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.stardate.bc.ca/survivors/</A> <BR> <A HREF="http://www.cs.utk.edu/~bartley/saInfoPage.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.cs.utk.edu/~bartley/saInfoPage.html</A> <P>Please at least look at these pages ...<P>terri

now you know why i cannot leave my H because no one beleaves me!!

IOH,<P>Don't feel bad, it's been driving me crazy since her first post that nobody has pointed it out. I didn't want to be the first, but the similarities in grammar and punctuation are incredible. Anyhow, I apologize, too, if I'm incorrect. <P>------------------<BR>The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.<BR>Helen Keller<BR>

It crossed my mind too... <P>but I figured that it is the RIGHT thing to offer help until we knew otherwise.<P>Pretty sad when we have to worry about the folks who post here, isn't it?? Even when I began, 3 months ago, the biggest problems we had were bickering betrayed vs. betrayers opinions. Then we had Carlton, et. al. Now it seems we don't know if folks are even REAL.

Carol22.<P>I haven't posted to you yet. I spent 10 years in an abusive relationship. If that's where you are, it is no place to be. And forced sex IS abuse. It is called rape - even in a marital relationship.<P>You do have choices. You must make them. They're not ideal at this moment. But they will get better each time you make one. You have received good advice here on this forum. I do remember how desperate you can feel. I do remember how hopeless you can feel. And I do remember that, after years of abuse, even staying is less scary than taking the chance to leave.<P>But....... you must decide. His behavior will not change unless he wants it to. You have said this. The only behavior you can control is your own. It is time, NOW, to take responsibility for yourself and do whatever you need to do. You must be the one to decide. You must be the one to act.<P>Those of us here can give you good advice. We can support you in your decision to make your life better. But YOU have to be the one to take action. And from your posts, the time is drawing near.<P>I KNOW how hard it is. I had a little one when I decided to leave. I lost my job, I had no money. I was stalked, threatened, my car was sabotaged, my home was robbed. It was frightening. But, also strengthening.<P>You will not return to drugs if you decide you are not going to. As others have said, there are lots of organizations to help you, to keep you safe, to prepare you for a new life.<P>Take a deep breath. Reach deep into your soul and ask yourself if you can live like this any longer. Ask yourself if you should HAVE to. No matter what your past, no one deserves this. No one. <P>You are not weak. You are scared. You'd be stupid not to be. But the true measure of courage is not the absence of fear, it's doing what you have to do, what you should do, even though you are afraid. You can find that courage within yourself. It is there in your heart. Look for it. It will not fail you. You are not alone.<P>Now is the time, Carol22. Not next week, not tomorrow. Now is the time to decide. Once you decide, really decide, and are firm in your decision, come back to us here. With all these wise and wonderful people, somehow, we'll help you through the steps.<P>Take another deep breath. Now, go think.<P>Lori

lori thank you you seem to be very nice to those of you who think i am bs or something<BR>i did post my real email address not hot mail yahoo ect if i was bs why would i post my main email addrees??<P>I just came here to seek help and you all been doing that i feel there will be better days so i thank you !!!<P>PS NO BIMBO TONITE SO LOOKS GOOD??!!