my wife and i have been together for 21 years ,4 kids she and i both married before with 2 each. she lost her dad about a year ago ,has had some health issues that have caused her to say shes not a woman anymore,started drinking to the point she gets really angry at everyone and is taking antidepressants. she will not discuss any type help,counsel, says she just wants to be herself and that shes not in love with me anymore. some days she is decent to me ,but most not. she will leave work and not come home for 4/5 hours and then says its noones business where shes been or doing . in fact, gets real angry if you ask. no kiss good bye, hello, absolutley nothing . what have i got here? i love this woman and am trying to be patient, but im in the dark with no help. any help

Try posting this in the GQII.

Don't have any advise for you. But I will share a story with you.

One of my girlfriend's Xhusband was an alcoholic. One thing that alcoholics, drug addicts have in common is that they ALL deny having problems. They have to hit rock bottom for them to realize it and get help.

So, one day her XH got so drunk that he spent a night in jail after getting into a fight with one of his neighbor's dogs. NO, not a human. A DOG, as in four legged animal with a tail. The dog beat the shi! out of him and he could've lost his high paying job. Luckily, he works for a company that allows him a second chance provided that he attended a madated AA class provided to all of its employees.

One thing I would do is tail her after work and see where she goes. It might answer the question if she's having an affair. Second, if you have insurance, you might want to check to see if they will cover clinical psychology. Most companies include that in their medical benefits to employees. She needs help in coping with the loss of her father. If you have to, get her admitted to a psych ward before she physically harms herself.

Good luck

thanks, hope for there sake that no affair is going on

Hope not too. But her disappearing act for 4-5 hours after work and her comments about her not feeling like a woman anymore speaks volume that there is something else going on OR that she is definitely a desperate cry for help.

Unless she has a favorite watering hole she goes to after work, it would also be a safety issue for her and you. Suppose she goes to a bar, gets drunk and goes behind the wheel? At least you have an opportunity to stop it if it gets to that. The consequences could be fatal and a financial blow to both of you. AND if she does get drunk every night, YOU will have to start making some tough decisions and figure out on how to help your wife. It may require you to give her an ultimatum to seek help.

Just a thought...

Also, the next time she tells you "it's none of your business" when you ask her questions aout her whereabouts, say,

"I understand and I hear you. BUT, if what you do in your time AFFECTS me AND our marriage, it IS part of my business. IT IS our business." Listen and whatever excuse she gives you, say, "Okay. What shall WE do?" or "How can we work this out?" Avoid asking "What do you want ME to do?" or the "ME". You won't get a straight answer. By using the WE and US, you "subtly" forcing her to PARTICIPATE in seeking a solution.

Good luck.

how do i get to the gq11

The Infidelity General Questions II is a forum...just like this one, Resolving Conflicts, listed under the Main Index.

Have you been using your resources to find out if she's having an affair? You can search "Spying 101" in the search feature to find help in that regard.

I agree with moving your post to the GQII forum. I'm so sorry. Take hope...many of us have been there...gotten through it...have thriving marriages.

You can do this.

LA