There is something very wrong with somebody who willingly moves in on someone they know is married. I think about this sometimes, about how OM has no respect for relationships. How can my WW believe he will be there when things get tough? How can she have any respect for someone who would do this to her? (and he is doing this to her as well as me) Is this the kind of man she wants in her life, in her business and in her bed?

I think about how this OM was not there on my wedding day. He has no idea how far his sins reach. His actions have hurt numerous people very deeply. He wasn't witness to our M vows. He didn't stand in front of God, family and friends and take a vow to my WW as I did. He's stealing from me (so to speak) not as a possession but as my right to be betrothed to my W. He is a thief and a coward to make a move on a married woman... taking advantage of pain and splinter in a marriage, and my WW is drawn to this man?

God sees all these things. He sees how I react, he sees what my WW has done, he knows what this OM is responsible for. That is the real test. God knows... I submit this into His hands. It is so frustrating to think about, I guess that's why I don't think about it that often anymore. It's like punching myself in the face.

I don't really think you're in competition with OW. You are in a different class. You are the woman your WH married! You are infinitely more qualified to be with WH than OW. The problem is there is a breakdown happening and it has skewed all logic and reason. This is no healthy competition, may the best woman win type thing, because disease has entered the M. The disease of adultery and forbidden things and immorality have infected the marriage bed. She can't compete with you, she can only go around you to use what she has no right to. OW will never "win" your husband. She can only lose in this scenario. She is not a winner by any decent standard. It's not "wrong" for you to feel like that, but it's also not true, if that makes sense.

Believe my, it's hard to make this differential. I sometimes wonder if my WW will just be able to move on and live her life like nothing ever happened. Just leave me high and dry and then go about seeking her own pleasure and gratification. I get very angry about this sometimes.


I am there already. I want my marriage to be over. I still grieve but I do not want my WW to come back. She has made a seminal decision, in my view. She knows what she's doing and she doesn't care. She told me point blank she is "happy" with her decision with no remorse or apology. I've prayed and prayed and nothing has happened. What other conclusion can I draw? I'm not going to wait around another year for someone who cleary places her "happiness" above all other things. I'm not in a position to need to use my marriage as a learning ground for my WW. I hope she comes to God in the future, but my married life doesn't have to be the avenue for her to do that. Besides, she's not asking for it.



It's tough. I would just say this: you are everything you are with or without WH. I don't have to tell you this, you know. There will be joy and acceptance for you again. You have too much character and wisdom to have it be otherwise. I'm glad you're out there to "talk" to, even if these aren't the greatest of circumstances.