I found out through an email that my WxH is marrying the OW day after my 40th birthday in September. (of all days) This came through an email he send to one of our friends.

I found out at work and it took all had not to break down.
He told me he will never marry again, once again he lied to me and she gets what she wants after all. Sometimes maybe you need to lie and cheat to get what you want in this world, it worked for her. Common sense tells me this is not true and sooner or later karma will set in but when.

I just wished he could have called and told me this. I don't know if there is any etiquette when comes to this, but over fifteen years together, I think I deserve a phone call to tell me this news. I should have that respect.

Sending hugs to you. Do something nice for yourself. Remember the chances of happiness and a succesful M for them is slim to none.

Not sure if this will help or not .... my dad married his OM who was an on-again off-again OM through most of his 25 year marraige to my mom. They got married on what would have been their 30th wedding anniversary. He didn't tell anyone until the last minute either... and definitely never told my mom. In fact, he denied it right up untila week before hand, when he suddenly asked my sister and I to come.

Here's where the Karma comes in ...
It's almost 10 years later. They are still married, but have broken up and gotten back together at least four different times that I know about due to new affairs on his part. No telling how many other affairs he's had in the meantime that he hasn't gotten caught in -- he used to introduce me or my sister to the new fling du jour as his "friends".

OW is miserable but keeps taking him back. She's become mean and hateful, making his life ****** as often as possible. He's drained all of their savings and bank accounts and retirement, probably largely on wining and dining other women.

Aren't you glad you don't have that kind of Karma out there waiting on you?

Hello, Hopelessly,

You want to hear Karma? Here's Karma for ya:

My FIL had a 30 yr. affair <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> that MIL knew about, but couldn't stop. OW was a first class *ITCH...constantly calling my MIL to torment her about her dailiances with FIL.

About 2 yrs after MIL died, FIL moved OW into his home. They thought (YIPPEE!! We're free to openly flaunt each other!)

She drove him nuts......she drank more, gambled more than he realized.....he almost went broke. Once she had a diabetic stroke (or whatever it is called), and drove the car into a bridge abutment, and almost killed them both (he was in a coma for over a week, almost died, and in the hospital for several mmonths).

Fast forward two years later. Her diabetes got worse (triggered by her unwillingness to stop drinking), and she lost a leg. By then, he was on the verge of losing his house....SIL and H helped save it. Another year later, she lost the other leg, and finally died about 7 months ago. FIL had now totally been moved out of his house, it's having to be sold to keep him going, and he's miserable, alone, penniless, and depressed.

Karma?

Yeah, I think so.

Keep your chin up, hun.

God bless,

Thanks for your encouragement...This is like a kick in the stomach. I believe they picked their wedding day on purpose because I just found out from my SIL that my in-laws were going to throw me a surprise 40th birthday bash, which now has to be cancelled so they can go the Vegas to watch their son married a woman who not only destroy my marriage but their relationship with their son. They only reason they are going is so they can still have some type of relationship with him. My MIL told me he has to live with the choices he makes, we might not approve of them but it is his to make.

I just though he should of call me to tell me this news, out of repect instead of hearing the news from a third party. I know this is hearsay but they said Jennifer Aniston heard through the media about the birth of Brad's baby. I can't even imagine going through something like that through the media, its hard enough in a small NJ town.

Also my WxH left me in debt and one piece of advice he gave was never touch the house (its paid off). I'm struggling to make ends meet but my in-laws told me to get a home equity loan , I was weary at first but now it could save me 1700.00 a month in bills. The appraisel is tomorrow. I need prayers that eveything goes well. If its approve this will be huge weight off my shoulders, and then maybe I can work on myself and hopefully find someone special. I need some GOOD NEWS!!!

If he was doing what he *should* be doing there would be no news to tell.

There is no honor in affairs..and no respect.

If you revise your expectations to line up with that you will suffer much less dissappointment.

My heart goes out to you. It must be TOUGH.

But I'm with Noodle here. Showing you WHAT respect? If he had any kind of respect for you, he wouldn't have had an A. That tells you the caliber of person he is, right there.

Dear HD2U,
I know how hard it is, and I'm sorry you're having to go through it. When my X remarried (before the divorce was even final) he didn't EVEN call his parents, or his 3 children, let alone me. I found out by accident from someone he used to work with. There was no respect for me, and this is after knowing him since high school, and being married 20 years. That was over three years ago. He has not paid child support in over 6 months, and hasn't been able to find a decent job in 3 years. He made over 3 figures when we were married. I think the OW thought she was marrying a guy with lots of money, and now he can't even find a job......yeah, karma happens, I guess.
You can make it....you will in fact be better off without him, though you won't be able to see that right now.
God bless.
KK

KK:

3 figures??? I guess the other woman has a different perception of what "alot of money" is. What exactly did your EX WH do for a living that afforded him a salary of greater then "3 figures" during your marriage?

Lem

Lem,
I cracked up when I reread what I wrote and what you wrote......
Ok, it was actually 6 figures...does that make more sense <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Funny, though, right now he'd probably LOVE to be making 3 figures!!!!!

KK....I was just having some fun with you at your WH's expense. I get ya girl. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Karma is a *itch. THE OW in your life got everything in life she deserved, including your 3 figured, sub 550 credit scoring WH.

Life usually has a way of leveling things out.

Lem

What I'm trying to figure out why get married on my 40th birthday, of all the weekends in the world you can get married they picked that weekend.

He or she (more her) must really be jealous of the very close relationship I have with his parents. They love me like their daughter and still introduce me to people as such.

His parents love me and must have known they will be doing something special for me.

I must be still in back of their minds, so someone is feeling threaten by me.

join the club my dearest...

my xh remarried the ow 3 days after d was final...she was alas, quite pregnant and forcing the ultimatum.

anyhow, glad your xil's are being good about things. my xh signs their paychecks so they are loyal to only him...and the money.

but the OW...when they turn wifey is now called a WISTRESS. I shall never call her a wife. It's a temporary position anyhow. we know that. WE REALLY KNOW THAT....the wS? they don't know.

oh well...didn't britney spears' vegas wedding last maybe 52 hours? how lovely! maybe they can get married by an elvis impersonator.

and yea, he's trying to spoil your bday. he's trying to steal YOUR DAY...next comes the life recreation...they will try to duplicate their life with the you with the wistress...and it will FAIL MISERABLY.

just wait. let another year pass. they'll be filing for a vegas divorce just like he did last year.

into frying pan...

sadly, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS TRULY FREE NOW...the WS never had a chance to ever savor freedom b/c of their illicit affairs. you can, on the other hand, look somebody straight in the eye, when you feel like dating...and they will RESPECT YOU...you'll have respect of others and family...HE AND SHE WILL NOT.

they will forever lie about their marriage (ahem).

I personally make it my job to tell the truth. I continually expose everything. if people, say other parents at school ask how we juggle two households or "you two seem so nice to each other...hard to believe you're divorced (when I was behaving very nicely at a social function at school with xwh)...I said "wow...you'd never have guessed that he had two girlfriends, knocked one up and got remarried 3 days after our divorece did you?"....

I am one for RUINING THEIR LIES...I do it all the time. the affairees want to REWRITE HISTORY...and it's our job to KEEP THE RECORD STRAIGHT.

and the affair marriage will fail.

it is written in stone.

very very few of them survive.

they have a house of cards built upon a foundation of lies and quicksand into which they will sink...down down down.

maybe not now, but in a year or maybe less....she will do something that makes him mad, after the fantasy bubble bursts...and he will spout out, "but my WIFE DID IT THIS WAY...OR DID THAT BETTER"...and then the fighting will begin.

but it will probably begin waaaaay after that.

she will try to de-throne you...but you can never be dethroned. Just remember my divorce role model, diana of wales...they took away only her HRH...she was and will always overshadow the royal mule/princess known as CAMZILLA...diana is forever the people's princess even if you took away her title, crown, and jewels.

Just remember that.

and the ow will try hard to befriend you...DON'T BUY INTO IT AND DON'T DO IT. I never did. when they SEPARATED TWO TIMES LAST SUMMER, she tried to but it was fake.

it's hard in the beginning..

but hold your head high...YOU ARE THE ONE TRULY DESERVING OF FREEDOM AND HAPPINESS NOW.

""I believe they picked their wedding day on purpose because I just found out from my SIL that my in-laws were going to throw me a surprise 40th birthday bash, which now has to be cancelled""

""I just though he should of call me to tell me this news, out of repect""

Would you listen to yourself!!?? This is not the guy you knew and loved...but an alien that has set up permanent residence in your XH's body.

On a much better note, banks jump at the chance to give home equity loans on a paid off house! Plus you can deduct the interest!

You should get them a nice wedding gift is what you should do.

Go to the store and buy some things she may need.

Mini voice recorder.
Gift certificate for one free snooping session by a PI.
Binoculars.
One of those DNA test kits for underwear.
A print out of how to snoop from this website.
A free check up for STD's.
Some aspirin.
Tissue for the crying she is going to be doing.

And a gift certificate to a tatto parlor. She could get his @#$@# tattood saying "if you find this outside of his boxers please call 555-1212. Ok maybe not on his %^%^ but right above it.

HL..

That's FANTASTIC!

I love it!

how about doing what I did? go to or have a party? get cool invitations...BETTER YET THROW A CASINO NIGHT PARTY... and have big fancy invites...

it's to celebrate YOUR DAY...and you can come up with some cute rhyme to make light of their sitch and YOUR NEWFOUND TRUTH AND FREEDOM!

something like this:
hear ye hear ye
royal and single princess
Ms. Hoplessly devoted
is requesting the honor of your presence
at her Birthday Casino Night Extravaganza

do you feel lucky?
I sure do!
b.y.o.d *(bring your own dice)

Join us for an evening of fun,
and help our birthday girl,
Ms. Hopelessly Devoted
GET LUCKY TONIGHT!

that's about what I'd put on an invite...YOU MAY SEND IT TO YOUR XH...

I haven't decided what I'm going to do on my big day its not until September. Thanks for the great ideas.

I don't think its my WxH making these decisions, its the OW. My WxH made a stink about me celebrating the holidays with his family, but personally I think its the OW pulling the strings. I thinks the OW is jealous or threaten with my relationship I have with my in-laws. Now she will be his wife and get invited to the family reunions and events but she will never have the closeness I have with them and still have with them. My in-laws had made it clear to me how they love me like a daughter and any man who comes into my life is welcome in theirs.

I was a little hurt when I heard the news especially when I found out their wedding date. I guess I thought he would have shown me some respect and call me instead of hearing it from a third party.

I guess I am free. He still has to live with the relationship that destroyed our marriage. He has to llve with a woman who not only cheated on her own husband, went after mine and played many games to hurt me for her own gain. Their relationship is build on quicksand, I'm not jealous of their realtionship, I pity their relationship.

At least I can live with the fact, when my WxH married me it was for love, no games had to be played, no obligations or terms, no parties were hurt and the day was a celebration of our love that was pure.

P.S. The appraisal went well and I was accepted for a home equity loan. So now I also have finiancial freedom also.

Oh, did I mention that my H was planning to marry the OW, too? She had asked him, according to HIS story, can't ask hers... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Before they had the opportunity to marry, SHE DIED.

Karma, indeed.

Take care of YOU.

Love it! The soon to be married to affair partner wedding package:


I guess we should add a copy of SAA?

Hopelessly - Consider the impending marriage as all the rest of the proof you need that they're both nuts.

Who would marry a known adulterer?

Why even GET married if being married meant nothing before? How much sense does that make?

Another topic - be careful with the home equity loan. It's not free. If you want to explain a bit your plans for this, perhaps I (we) can make sure you're using it the right way.