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Well. I've been pretty strong plan B for about 6 weeks, FWW phones me last night and although our D is to be final July 21....she asked about the possibility of us getting back together.
She has been off all her meds now and her IC thinks that the meds not working right for her has added to her unability to make good choices and stay focused.
I've finally made a big improvement in my life....resting, enjoying everyday things and just being at peace with myself.
Its time for me now to think of my future and what not....this just seems 100% different from the past 2 plus years of this.
Pray that I keep a clear mind. Thanks.
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Hi Welderboy,
I am glad you have grown to find enjoyment in life and peace within yourself, this my friend, is a big accomplishment.
I would not stop the proceedings yet though, until you lay some ground rules for ws.
Do you know what your requirements are for her to come back??
Sincerely,
k.d.'s Heartbreak
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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WBOY, ""Its time for me now to think of my future and what not...."" I think I hear what you are saying. ""MY FUTURE"!!! I am just 2 years out from Dday, recovery is good (I guess), I am very comfortable on my pee stained couch....but....I still think about it ALL THE TIME!! I stopped taking the ADs and I am very angry....because I THINK ABOUT IT (and all that goes with it) ALL THE TIME!! If she comes back...and you try to make a go of it...welcome to my world....or maybe not. You have to weigh the pros and cons, yes? Make that list. ""resting, enjoying everyday things and just being at peace with myself."" Sounds perfect. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> kirk
Last edited by krusht; 06/09/06 12:26 PM.
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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Any other thought's? She wants to meet me this weekend to talk about things...but I don't feel quite ready to see her at this time. Is this OK?
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I think you need to make that list, and clearly set up some boundaries, if you accept her back. What are your conditions for letting her back the same roof, like KD mentioned? Only you can decide what you wan to do at this point, sounds like you like being by yourself. Do you love her, if not, can you see yourself loving her again? Pay attention to her actions more than her words!
A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
Thomas Carlyle
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but I don't feel quite ready to see her at this time. Is this OK? Don't see her this weekend. Remember that revolving door Welder? She has not done anything to get the combination yet. NOTHING. And it's not about spite, it's about saying no more, no more back and forth. I would tell her no, I am not comfortable seeing you at this time. Be strong Welder, this is the only way anything will ever change. Three months of seeing positive change and action in her and I might consider meeting her for coffee.
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Did you ever give her a plan B letter? A letter which outlined clearly what she needed to do to see you?
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Thanks for the support....Weaver you know this deal quite well and thanks for what I think is good advice.....I'll stay strong.
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Hi....I had a really emotional weekend, but made it fine.
I didn't get together with FWW but spoke quite long on the phone, she still claims to love me...."most likely forever." But maybe she'll never be able to love me the 100% way she once did and said that perhaps do to not being able to I need to move on.
She then talked about things she missed and asked about me...."our you talking to women?" stuff like that.
I guess she may never return to the lady I married in the beginning...it's a sad shame knowing that both of us still love one another.
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Welderboy,
I don't know but her asking, if you were seeing or talking to other woman sounds like ws regret to me, and her wanting you not to move on without her.
Don't give up totally.
Sounds like she is still in contact but the fog might be lifting, and the affair dying out.
She is now in the regret stage.
Keep up the good work.
Sincerely,
k.d.'s heartbreak
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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She's not in any contact....and yes this is the 1st that she has seemed to show me true remorse,
Our D date is set for July 21st. I seems that she wants to keep me in her life....but doesn't yet really see my hurt. Does that make sense?
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I am told that it take awhile after the affair ends for the ws to realize the ultimate damage that they did to their spouses.
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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I don't know but her asking, if you were seeing or talking to other woman sounds like ws regret to me, and her wanting you not to move on without her. ...or it could be that she thinks she'll feel less guilty if he found someone too.
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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Boundaries.
Decide on your boundaries and let WS know then (via an intermediary. Plan B is DARKNESS remember. no phone calls etc)
When she is prepared to commit to respect your boundaries and demonstrates it to you via an intermediary you cn consider taking her home.
But maybe she'll never be able to love me the 100% way she once did and said that perhaps do to not being able to I need to move on.
This is her asking permission to come home without committing to you or recovery.
Go ahead, do that if you want.
or else you can maintain some self respect and stay dark until her bid is raised.
All blessings.
MB Alumni
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""she still claims to love me...."most likely forever." But maybe she'll never be able to love me the 100% way she once did"" ""She then talked about things she missed and asked about me...."our you talking to women?" stuff like that"" Wboy, Remember when..... ""resting, enjoying everyday things and just being at peace with myself."" BACK ON THE ROLLERCOASTER!! FULL SPEED AHEAD!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> I agree that you need to stay strong on the boundaries. She is feeling you out and pushing those EN buttons. Are you softening??...""Hi....I had a really emotional weekend, but made it fine"" REMEMBER WHO IS ON THE HIGH ROAD HERE. TOTAL COMMITMENT k
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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Thanks...boy, your are right....
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