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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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OP
Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2 |
My W and I have been seen indi and joint counseling. Today my W told me she feels that I'm a sham and that our marriage is a sham. She has mentioned separtaing and I don't want to do that as I am afraid this will ultimately lead to divorce. We have a 3 year old child and I am concerned that if I do move out it will be viewed as me leaving them. I can't force my W to love me again and I want to do what is best for all of us and I don't want to lose child in the process. please help.
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 48
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Member
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 48 |
I did not hear you saying that you love your wife.
BS 41yo
WH 46yo
Married 1992
Daughter 3.5yo
A Sept-Oct 2005
D-Day Nov 1 2005
H - completely recovered
Me - I don't know
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 103
Member
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Member
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 103 |
vbva,
where's the question here? You in VB? Just curious.
1yr
BS - me 34
FWH -him 32
d-day 4-28-05
DS 13
DD 11 & 5
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
Member
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Member
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970 |
Welcome, VBVA, to Marriage Builders...
Have you been reading all the articles on this website? Recovering from an affair takes a lot of work...changing a lot of beliefs...and having faith in your goal.
You're worth it.
Do not move out...practice listen and repeat...validate her feelings...and do not allow DJs (disrespectful judgments)...
She thinks you're a sham...that doesn't mean you are one.
You have difficult in being open and honest...you choose to withdraw when she blows up...you react to her reacting...and the snake eats its tail...
How about using your IC and MC to learn communication techniques and do exercises? Tell your MC, "I don't feel safe to speak, to share my thoughts and feelings. I want to. I desire to be intimate with my wife, open and honest...for our marriage and for myself."
Is that what you think and feel? You can practice here. Posting was an act of bravery...
Have you discussed any learned behaviors in IC? Passive aggressive tendencies? Distractions...stuff that got in the way in your marriage? How about ownership instead of blame?
There is a lot of hope for you, if you choose to set saving your marriage as your goal...I did it for my path to redemption...you can do this.
You're not alone.
LA
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