Is it normal for a married man to have wet dreams or normal discharge? I have found dried semen or discharge in my H's underwear(I'm not sure if they look the same when dried) and sometimes on the inside of pants in the front where they button or zip up. He tells me that it's normal for men to have some discharge (like the way women do) and that's all it is, it's not sperm.

Is he telling me the truth? We have not had sex regularly since I just had a baby, and before that, we had sex usually less than once a week. So is it possible that he does get wetdreams or discharge?

Yes.

But you should follow up on your suspicions.

I would consider the "quantity" you are talking about, if its a scuff (sorry for lack of a better word) then I would think so but more than that I would question.

Also, they have sex test kits that you can test the laundry with to find out if their is opposite sex DNA. I haven't tried it but you can look it up on the web if you are that concerned. good luck!!

Mustard,

I think the key question is why are you looking that closely at his underwear and pants?

If someone is cheating, the BS will usually feel that something isn't right. We may not know what the problem is, but we sense distance and dishonesty in the relationship. Is there something else going on to make you suspicious?

AM

AM,

Sometimes, I feel that he doesn't have a good reason for coming home late. He has excuses, but I'm not sure if he's telling me the truth.Other times, he can't seem to tell me where he spent his money (it's usually a small amount though, like $20-$40). Mainly, it seems to be small things. I've never had proof that he's cheated on me, and he's the type that won't admit something like that unless I have proof. I do wonder if I'm being paranoid about H having an affair. I'm pretty sure he would never leave me or our four children for another woman, but I also wonder if he thinks he's smart enough to have another woman but also have a wife and family to come home to. I have asked him about that before, but he's always denied it, and said that he wouldn't do anything stupid like that to jeopardize our marriage and family. After we talk about my insecurities, I usually feel better, but then later on (weeks or months) something happens (like him being late coming home and not having a good excuse, or me finding those stains in his underwear when I'm doing laundry) and I'm suspicious again. I do wonder if I'm just being overly insecure. H has said that maybe I should go to counselling for my insecurities. He's said that there's nothing he can do about them, and that I have to deal with them myself. My mom had an affair or two and eventually left my dad for the OM. My H thinks that has something to do with my insecurities. I wonder if that could be true. This happened when I was a teenager.

Mustard,

I am certainly not telling you that your husband IS having an affair, as there's not enough evidence. But you aren't crazy or just insecure to find those signs suspicious, especially if your gut is telling you something is wrong.

You should also know that it's REALLY common for cheating spouses to try to wrongfoot you when you start raising questions, so what your H is saying to you about being insecure and needing therapy could in itself be another suspicious sign. That said, it might not be. Again, I don't want to sound like I'm telling you he is when he may not be. But I would really encourage you to follow your gut and try to find out what you can and don't let your H's comments stop you. If he nothing to hide then it won't be a problem.

Hugs and best of luck,

L

Mustard,

I’m glad you found MB.

Discharge is not normal. Maybe for a teenager but not for an older man. The statement that men have discharge like women is not true or they would make panty shields for us too don’t you think?

Your gut is rumbling because your instincts are chiming in. Your subconscious brain is alive with activity and knows reality a bit better than your conscious sometimes.

Most all of us start out with “gut feeling” about serious problems.

It is not uncommon for a WS to actually think that everyone is having an A. Hey everyone is doing it mentality. More hogwash.

They even try to spin things sometimes; they do so love confusion because it’s one of their greatest allies along with the good old fashioned lie.

Trust but verify here. You’ll be happy you did either way it pans out. As you can see he has some aloof activities that he’s been up to right?

Investigate. Put on your CSI hat and spend a little energy trying to validate that you have the greatest H in the world. Read the threads here that talk about snooping. Do the snooping with your head held up high because you are protecting your M and yourself.

Just don’t get caught snooping it’s much more effective if he never knows about it and NEVER reveal your sources if you do. If you find out anything come back here and post to these more wise folks for advice; they are experts.

Best regards,
Plank.

Dajavu.........had the same problem,noticed when doing laundry also.Confrontedd WH,the stains stopped.I can tell you there should be none on the inside of his slacks unless he`s wearing them to bed.You do your man`s laundry, you know what stains are usually there.I told mine when he denied,maybe we should have a doctor check you out it may be serious,called his bluff.

Why aren't you having sex with your husband?

In my signature block, there is a link to a thread on how to conduct an intelligence gathering operation to find out if your suspicions are correct. As Plank noted, your instincts in this are critically important. Go with them until and unless you can prove yourself wrong. Click on the "Spying" link to find some pointers on how to do some good, old-fashioned snooping and come back to us for more tips and advice in how to do this.

Hang in there.

no sex, wierd stains?

time for keylogger on computer...voice recorder in vehicle.

and if $$ allows, a PI on one of those "days he comes home late"...should give all you need to know.

and NO a ws will NOT tell you they've been cheating.

LOL.... Just read all this to my WH...lol.........he had no comment.BUSTED!!!!!!!!!

Well, (sorry for this) but have you considered masterbation on his part??? Certainly that would leave some stains that would resemble post SF activities.

Keep the antennea up.


MWIL

let's hope he's cheating only with lefty. lmao.

JP wrote: [color:"blue"] let's hope he's cheating only with lefty. lmao. [/color]

Doh! LMAO too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I have had sex with my H, but since I was pregnant, we stopped at about 8 or 8.5 months since I was uncomfortable, and H felt weird to have sex when my tummy was so big. He was the same with my first three pregnancies. And now that the baby is born, we're just waiting for the blood flow to be over. It's been three weeks already. H just asked me two nights ago when we can have sex again. Both of us have never had sex during my period, and this is like a period, but just a long-lasting one.

A few years ago, we didn't have sex for about six months. He just never initiated anything, and neither did I. I did question him about that later on, and he said that not all men want sex all the time, plus that he was tired from working, and time just went by without us realizing it. He also said that sometimes, he wants to have sex but then he's worried I'll get pregnant so he loses the desire. #4 was a surprise for us. We've been using natural family planning, but H says he's going to get a vasectomy soon.

My H hardly uses the computer, and neither of us have a cell phone.

Where can I find out what the acronyms mean?

Acronyms in the first thread in the "Just Found Out" forum

believer I do have sex with my hubby, think you got the wrong person