Post deleted by rosiecheeks

This bothers me more than anything else.

It seems to me that you said you were upset about ONE thing..but then you go on to list a myriad of things... and all of them sound bad to me.

Your H sounds very immature...and you're enabling his questionable behaviors.

Think further ahead in your life.

If you stick this marriage out..and have children... is this the man you would want your son to grown into one day?

Welcome, RC...to MarriageBuilders...

Have you read the articles here? There are links to the right of your screen...understanding relationships...they have a lot of answers.

You are choosing to be in your giver mode...he isn't making you do anything--he can't make you. You are choosing resentment...by agreeing to get out of bed with a 102-degree fever.

Why? Why do you do this to yourself and then blame him?

You have power...of choice. You are limited, as we all are, that you can only control yourself.

Read Harley's Giver/Taker...they are both inside you...get to know why you choose what you do...a lot of your resentment comes from your own expectations...they are yours...find out if they are reasonable or unreasonable...

You can do this...marriage is a way to grow yourself...it can be a marvelous journey...you're half of the marriage...your choices matter.

LA

What was the extenuating circumstance that "forced" you to marry him? Why are you still the only one paying the bills? Is he working?

Ask yourself some questions and answer yourself honestly. Get to know yourself and then you'll know if this is a marriage you want to choose to commit to or not. If you choose to commit to this marriage, challenge yourself to grow... and help him to grow with loving support.

What made you fall in love with him in the beginning? Why did you support him financially from the beginning? Why do you continue to be 100% giver? It's okay to take care of yourself and look out for yourself. It's necessary to realize what makes you happy and do those things. You need to build your self confidence and self worth up so strong that it is independent of external factors, including your H. Then make conversation and decisions from that space.

If it helps, I am also a newlywed... 3.5 months - been together 3.5 years. I'm 27, he's 36. I'm new to this site to but found it so helpful. Definitely read the Basic Concepts and do the Emotional Needs questionaire (get him to do it too). I have had to ask myself some tough questions and answer myself honestly. I have had to realize just recently why I bahave the way I do and how I can change that.

What I've come to realize is that pointing fingers and placing blame is not only unproductive but poisonous to Love. Recognize what you are responsible for (how your behavior has negatively impacted the relationship) and take responsibility for that... this is what is in your power to change... these are your challenges/opportunities for growth and they are independent of him. He needs to do the same. If you both take responsibility for your own negative behavior, and if you both commit to improving yourselves individually as well as doing what's necessary to make the other happy (from the Emotional Needs Q)... you will restore love, understanding, patience, communication in your marriage.

My H and I just started to realize this and it's working so far. We had to both decide we wanted our marriage to work, we are committed to making it work, and we are ready to stop pointing fingers and reflect within our own selves what needs improvement.

When you are able to step out of your present "ugly" situation and view it from the outside as an objective observer... it is very liberating and empowering and it's the beginning...

I really hope this helps. I do empathize with you. Let me know how it goes!

Take care...