Down2long,
I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with this for the past year.
I’m going to share a phrase with you that you will hold dear and never forget:
“Believe what they do, not what they say.”
Have you read everything on this site about the MB program? If not you need a plan and this plan developed by S. Harley is the best I’ve ever experienced for dealing/recovering from adultery and EA’s.
Have you done any real intelligence gathering? I’m not talking about watchdog eyes here. We’re talking near spy operative stuff like keyloggers on the pc, history reviews of your webrowsers, and other things you can find if you search for spying on this forum.
[color:"blue"] Two weeks ago, I caught him again. He was spotted in the town she lives in (no other reason for him to be there). I confronted him and he came up with the story that ran into each other and just went to lunch to talk. He claims they haven't talked since last year before that. [/color]
You believe this? What are the odds that he would just end up in her town and be sitting at a lunch table with her? Sounds like continued contact to me.
[color:"blue"] We have since started to go to MC. He claims to love me and want be with me only. I know he loves our 2 young kids. [/color]
This would be classic cake eating profession of faithfulness. They all do it. Refer to your statement about him being in her town having lunch with her and apply the concept of believing his actions.
[color:"blue"] 1) I want to believe him but don't deep down [/color]
That’s because he’s lying and you know it. How will you ever be able to trust him if you don’t know the truth and HEAR it from his mouth?
[color:"blue"] 2) what does it mean if it really is over now but he never comes clean and continues to deny the past [/color]
It means that he doesn’t want you to know the truth. He doesn’t want to live a life of honesty and endure the consequences of his behavior. Again cake eating 101.
[color:"blue"] 3) I know he hasn't seen her since (i am like a watchdog) but how do I know they are not in contact when he is at work? [/color]
You won’t ever know the truth until you establish a relationship with him based upon transparency and radical honesty. Only then after repeated verification of truths, over a long period of time, will you be able to validate his truthfulness.
[color:"blue"] 4) what if he is still speaking to her - what does that mean? [/color]
It means that you will live in a M that is a love triangle. Your M will never start to recover and heal. It will be living a marital sham.
[color:"blue"] He seems sincere when he cries that he wants us to work. I just don't know what to believe anymore. [/color]
down, they ALL seem sincere. This is dealing with a master of spin. NONE of us came to this place with hardly any experience in dealing with all of this. Want to scare the [censored] out of him? Ask him to take a lie detector test today. Then write out all the questions that you will ask him on the test tomorrow and give it to him.
Let him digest that slowly and see what his response is.
I wish you the best of luck. You may find that the truth is he only had an EA but don’t allow yourself to wear the blinders of blind trust any longer. It does not serve you or your M well to do that.
Plank.
