I thought his affair was finally over. It had been going on for years, and I couldn't stop it. I have been through plan A and B over and over. Nothing worked. (He says he loves me, and her too, and wishes he could be with both of us forever)

I just found out he is trying to get her back again. I found out and confronted him. He said "It's ok, she wont talk to me anyway, except to say mean things to me"

He has been calling, texting, emailing, etc...for weeks (maybe more) and she takes his calls from time to time. Anyway, he thinks I should be happy because he isn't sleeping with her. Well, he is trying to, and the only thing stopping him, is the fact that she is angry with him, for going back to me.

I am so tired of this. I don't know what to do anymore. He obviously wont stop, and the decision is up to me. Separate the family, and go my own way with our kids (one is an infant) or stay here and hope she doesn't change her mind, and take him back. I feel so pathetic.

I don't know what to do about this whole thing. I can't make him stop, and I dont want to leave him. Has anyone had a similar experience? Did it get any better?

I'm sorry you are hurting and have to be here.

I have some questions for you:

How long have you been married?

Is this the only OW? How long has this been going on? Tell us a little more such as if he has been living with you the whole time, has he ever promsed no contact, etc.

Is this a work realtionship?

Have you read Surviving an Affair?

You said you have done Plan A and Plan B- have you done all of Plan A- both the carrot and the stick?

Have you exposed the Affair? To whom?

Have you done any individual or marriage counseling?

Is counseling with Steve Harley an option?

Help us help you be giving us more info to go on.

Welcome to Marriage Builders...and I'm so sorry for your continuing pain...

You said you have struggled with this for years...Plan A and B...you have exposed to everyone...her family, his family, yours...all your friends...and you have re-exposed with each contact?

Any contact continues the affair...you are married to a man in love with fantasy, who is a cake-eater and an emotional abuser.

What's your part? What's your payoff? Do you know how to recognize abuse? How have you changed your own beliefs...owned your stuff and known what is his alone?

Have you read all the articles here on this website? About the Love Bank, Love Busters (LBs), Emotional Needs (ENs) and recoverying from an affair?

How much marital counseling (MC) have you done and individual counseling (IC)?

You don't want to leave him...because of the children? How many?

Stay here and keep posting...

You're not alone.

LA

We are married for 13 years. He has been cheating for most of our marriage, with the same woman. (no others that I know of)

At first she knew that we were together and she was engaged. She left her fiance for my husband, but he didn't do the same.

Eventually he told her that we were separated, and even at one point told her we were divorced, and showed her fake divorce papers (they were his fathers, and he did something on the computer to make it look like we had divorced and he had papers to show her)

I have confronted him, and her as well. She would get very nasty with me, and make horrible comments about how he didnt love me, and other worse things.

He did actually leave the house about two years ago. I found he was still cheating with her, and we had it out. He left and moved in with her. He came back to me, and I did take him back. I thought it was finally over for good, but now he is trying to get her back again.

I get so angry, and I feel so stupid because deep down I knew he would keep doing this. It has gone on for so long, how could I expect that he actually loved me and would stop?

He told me he loves me and that he knows he has a problem. He said he will get help, but has not looked into it, and has the nerve to ask if I had found out about a therapist for him yet. He needs to do it himself, otherwise it isnt his choice.

I am so angry and hurt. I feel stupid and ugly, and I have nobody to blame but myself, because I took him back.

p.s.

I have read the articles on this site.

This affair started at work. We all worked together and I left the job. They were there together for about another year. It continued after that.

We did marital counseling once, and he did not put forth and effort. So, we stopped and separated for a few weeks.

I have not exposed him to our family this time, because of how stupid I feel for taking him back again.

hmmm, first impulse is to tell you to get out of the situation. but since you are posting here, I suppose that is not what you want to do.

Maybe the better thing is to ask you what you do want. So, here goes: What do YOU want?

I am all for trying to make marriage work, but there are going to be some that just probably will never work.

Are you up to the fight?

Do you live in the same town as the OW?

If so, your best bet may be moving your entire family far away.

I think you are right on the money that your husband needs some individual counseling. Since he asked if you had made the appointment, why not sit down with him and POJA a counselor. Then you could make the appointment for him if he chooses one.

I hope the best for you- no one deserves to live like this.

are you still here?