hi all iam back its been a long rocky road for me after the xw had affair with coworker and then filed for dirvorce.the told xw that she had to let me know where she lives with my kids and i have visition. xw tells me she is happy but she always seems angry i dont if she happy. i still love this women but i would not tell her this. i was no angel in marriage but she blames me for what has happen between us. i dont understand her why blame me for what she has done. at times when we talk i do lovebusting i ask questions about the om but get no answers. i would like one day to have her back in my life. but i dont no what to do without lovebusting. iam doing fine i now trying to buy a home to move back closer to my kids. xw seems so angry at me and she stays away from everyone that she knows what could be wrong.

eemd,

Glad to know that you found out where your ex lives and are able to see your children.

Also good to know that you are trying to find a house near your children.

I suggest a plan A on your ex at this time. No lbing or disrespectful judgements. No asking for info on her om. No relationship talk.

Just admit to your wrong doing and do what you can with MB prinicipals to become a better person and try to right the wrongs you have done by changing how you act and how you treat her/kids.

Of course ex will blame you so she does not have to look at her wrongdoing, ie; her affair.

That was her choice outside of your problems you had when you were married to her.

Just be nice, be real good to the children, the best dad you can be and show your ex you have changed by your good behavior.

But stay away from relationship talk, do NOT respond to her anger, just say 'sorry you feel that way,' or 'I understand that you are angry.' Don't react. Just step back and figure out what is healthiest for you, and your kids. And please do not fight with her or respond in kind to her anger around the kids. It hurts them so much. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Let her anger be HER problem, not yours.

Read up on MB principals and apply them to your life, whether or not you have your ex back in your life or not. You certainly can't go wrong <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> and will become a better person, better able to have a good relationship in the future.

I am not that familiar with your situation, so if I am off base just ignore <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

thanks miss m. You're not off base at all I been thur some bad times since xw started her affair in 04. I admit I have a anger problem. Xw wife just keeps bring that up on me. And it now seems she is very mad I don't know why if she says she's happy. Sometime I it still hurts and iam lonely. But should I admit my wrong doing to xw. thanks

How do I forgive when someone has done this to me. Sometime I just want payback.

eemd,

Responding to your question of "How do I forgive when someone has done this to me?"

The question is, what do you want more, a recovered marriage, or payback.

I don't think that payback is ever the answer.

In the end you have to choose, because you won't be able to have both.


k.d.'s heartbreak

I would like to have a marriage back. But when the affair started with the coworker she filed for dirvorce. Now iam dirvorce soon it will be a year dirvorce. Xw seems so angry. I don't know for what. But iam just going to be a good father to my kids they have been thur a lot. I would love to have my family back. But one moment the fog is there with the xw and the next its gone. I don't know what to do anymore.

hi all had a good fathers day with my kids. kids didn't want me to leave. xw still giveing me problems. still mad. when I call to speak to my kids it always a something why I cannot speak with them. iam getting so upset it this

iam getting so fed up. iam starting to hate my xw. she trying to make things hard as if I iam having the affair.she alway has something negative to say about me to me and I get mad and say something back.i don't know what to do anymore.but when someone does something this bad to me I feel like payback is the best thing to. iam feeling hurt inside because of her actions. I know all of this is not good to say but this is a lot of pain and she acts if this is no pain to her.

eemd,

i haven't had a chance to read entire story, but i am going through the same thing right now. my wife doesn't know i know yet, but she continues to be rude to me and put down everything i do. while it is hard not to get emotional, by not doing so has helped my state of mind as well as frustrated the ****** out of her. they are trying to push us away and make us give up. hang in there and keep fighting. i have spoken to some friends of mine who have witnessed divorce first hand and they all same the same thing. the wife will say that the husband made it easy on her to leave and just gave up.

thanks for the kind words. we already are dirvorce .and she blames it all on me. because of her affair.

... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />