I AM NEW TO THIS ,SO PLEASE BEAR WITH ME . I NEED SOME UNDERSTANDING ABOUT MY WIFE OF 20 YEARS . SHE LOST HER DAD ABOUT A YEAR AGO ,ALSO HE WAS VERY DEEP INTO GOD AND CHURCH. ,ALSO ,SHE HAD A BIOPSI DONE ON BREAST AND CERVIC ABOUT 2 MONTHS AGO, AND NOW SHE SAYS SHE ISNT IN LOVE WITH ME ANYMORE , DONT FEEL LIKE A WOMAN ,IS DRINKING WINE HEAVLEY AT NIGHT ALSO TAKE LEXAPRO THAT WAS GIVEN TO HER BY DOC. HER HEALTH PROBLEMS ARE AT A STAND STILL FOR 6 MONTHS TO CHECK AGAIN. SHE ALSO FEELS THAT I AM NOR EVER HAVE BEEN THERE FOR HER AND I ADMIT I HAVE SOME TROUBLE IN THAT AREA, I AM VERY STRAIGHT FORWARD IN ALL I DO SO I DO SAY THINGS THAT ARE OUT OF TURN AND ARE NOT AS SYMPATHETIC AS THEY SHOUD BE . SHE IS ALSO LEAVING HOUSE AND NOT COMING BACK AS SHE DID BEFORE AND LIKE I SAID SHE JUST SAYS AND ACTS THAT SHE DONT CARE. WANTS TO BE ALONE AND START OVER . DOES HAVE FRIENDS THAT ARE NOT TO GOOD , FILL HER UP FULL OF ALL TYPE IDEAS .


GUYS, GIRLS ,WHAT SHOULD I DO , IS THIS NORMAL. WIFE IS 40 4 KIDS AND THE ABSOLUTE LOVE OF MY LIFE. HELP

I would do some serious investigating to see if an affair is happening.

Is she on the phone a lot, text-messaging, or on the computer? Is she gone from home with different excuses?

NO ,NOT REALLY, I DO NOT BELIEVE AN AFFAIR, NOT YET ANYWAY

Have you investigated in order to rule out an affair?

Is she planning on moving out to be "alone?" Can she support herself? How old are your children?

Oddmanout.

Please do not use UPPERCASE to write texts. It’s harder to read and is also considered “shouting”.

Nothing in your text points directly to an affair. It does however point to problems in your marriage. Now maybe all these problems are caused by your wife and/or the events she has gone through in the last year but it is YOUR (yes – shouted it to emphasise) marriage and you do need to find out what is going on.

At one time I got the “I love you but am not in love with you” routine from my wife. I too was certain she was having an affair and the majority of posters here on MB enforced that view. However after monitoring her, prying into her e-mail and tracking her expenditure I realized my marriage had issues but was not suffering from infidelity. What I did was a Plan A without the OM to face. I actually created a semi-OM who was basically everything that was providing my W with what I was not providing. Since she did/does not want to use the MB principles I tried to fill out what were her emotional needs, spent more time with her, listened better to her and basically did a lot of work to change how we interact. Bottom line is that now I am in a very happy marriage.

So I suggest you read up on the MB principles and try to think how you can apply them to your situation. At the same time reasonable snooping is allowed. Both because it might lead you to understand your W better and also to achieve peace of mind regarding an affair. I got a lot of info regarding my W thoughts from digital recordings…

please excuse the upper case, am sort of upset , i will attempt to monitor, part of me says yes, affair , bigger part says no but cant figure which way to go .,

Are there signs of an affair? - unexplained time away from home, text-messaging, hiding phone, or keeping it with her, lots of time on the computer?

Here is the way you must go: INVESTIGATE. You must investigate to find out what you are dealing with. If it is an affair, then we can help you deal with an affair. If it is not, then we can help you deal with the marital problems. But you are spinning your wheels until you know the truth.

Dont' ASK her if she is having an affair. Just start sleuthing to find out what she is doing. Hire a PI or follow her yourself. Put a tap on your phone, install a GPS unit on her car, put a voice activated recorder in her car, place a keylogger on her computer. Check your phone bill and check her cell phone record to see who she is talking to. Get to work, my friend!

ok, but if i do in fact find this i will most likley just kick out and start hurting until im stopped by force

How about this, if you do find out there is an affair, COME HERE and talk to us so you don't do something stupid. We have experience with this and can help you. Will you agree to do this?

oddman, can you clarify what you mean here? Some verbs are missing so I am not clear on what you mean. What will you do if you find out she is having an affair? Please fill in the verbs.

i will most likley cut the guy up and let her suffer for him

This is serious words here. Have you thought of what you are really saying here? Could it be your wife is worried she may have cancer? Or could you gointo more depth as to what she has done before ect? and as to what ideas her friends are giving her?

What are you, crazy? You would go to prison for some jerk and lose your marriage over him? How stupid is that?

If you are going to talk like this, I am not going to help you do anything except hope your wife escapes.

its just a feeling ,thats all, i really do need help with this , nothing works with wife, like right now , she was going to take some clothes to donate ,that was 4 hours ago, no call , no nothing

We aren't going to help you if you are going to do something crazy.

im not , but it is a thought that occurs and most guys would be lying if they said not . this is 20 years with a woman i would die for , nothings ever been wrong to hear her until now . its all so confusing and upseting . i am sorry for the remark, i reall would like help in getting this fixed cause i do love her with all that i am

she is most likely having a "life flashback" due to the illnesses. I see alot of it with my patients...when the big C comes knocking at their door...they feel t heir ilfe slipping away...like a midlife crisis.

she is reviewing her life thinking it could end soon..

time to do a killer plan A and NOTHING CRAZY DUDE.

do investigate for an affair..as she is ripe for one now if not in one...

but I think it is serious case of "life flashback" thinking she has had unfulfillemnt in her life, needs more, wishes she had more excitement, more gratitude from those she cared for over the years, etc. wishing she could "live more" now as life may be leaving her.

simple as that.

usually the simplest answer is the correct one.

thanks for the info, i surely hope that it is a life flashback, im so worried about her as i write. shes been 5 hours now , is this normal ,as she says shes just out thinking , and crying

Oddmanout,

You are right every guy thinks of absolutely nutty things to do as a result of the discovery of an A.

Very rarely are any BS’s stupid enough to follow through with them.

You won’t follow through on anything irrational if you were to discover something like this as it would be tantamount to throwing your life down the crapper for some loser other man (OM).

You wouldn’t be proud of that in ten years believe me.

So, you are going to focus on INVESTIGATING the possibility of your W having an A as Melody previously suggested.

This does not mean she definitely is having one and you are looking for it. You are just ruling it out. This is a loving and respectfully protective gesture toward your M.

Don’t get caught snooping and don’t confront her right away if you find anything out until you let us know what the facts are. If you do, you will likely regret it in the long run. MB is a plan that most people here believe in.

What is truth here is that your W has potentially serious health issues, she needs help with her emotions from a professional counselor, and you two are having a emotional disconnect.

These are all very workable issues!

But you have to stand up and be a man to face them. You will need to set aside your fears and really believe that living a truthful marital life is the most important thing.

I wish you the best of luck and if you need to express yourself to anyone about infidelity come back here and post to this forum. These people are wonderful at weighing all of this stuff out and helping you find healthy solutions to infidelity issues as well as those of fulfilling emotional needs.

Good luck and keep us advised of your situation.

Plank.