thanks

i guess what im asking is what do i do when she does walk in the door, nothing ? i know to be angry wont work ,but im lost right now. in reading the books but hard to work alone

If this is upsetting to you what makes you think your wife is`nt upset with the thought she may have cancer? Instead of thinking of yourself why don`t you try and sit down and ask her how she feels? She`s probally scared to death. I`ve been there, the BIG C can do that ya know. Your life does flash before your eyes let me tell you BIG TIME!Heck she may not even know what the heck shes doing right now. Your wife needs your understanding and strength. Ask her where she has went or better yet follow her if you can. If here is where you want help don`t come here saying that kinda stuff. Give what info you can. You have come to a great place.

ok, but we have talked and talked about her health and she knows im there for her in every way , i know i cant understand what shes going through, but i love her and want her better in everyway. ill do anything i can to that end . she doesent seem to want my strength or understanding ,wants nothing from me it seems . how can i overcome that

It seems that way(does`nt want your strength) because she is frightened to death.I know when we found out I had cancer my hubby said I need a bear, right there I knew I could`nt lean on him so I held my feelings inside, as scared as I was for him and my children I was scared, angry, everything.I hope your wife is`nt looking elsewhere, and if that happens to be true its not because of you. This is the time when YOU will have to be the strongest you have ever been in your life, you both are going through alot right now.Please DO NOT lose your cool as you will regret it.Stay here with us and ask and learn.

Plank, good post. oddmanout, when your wife comes home, CALMLY ask her where she has been. Dont' lash out at her, but be calm and civil. Don't accuse her of having an affair.

In the meantime, you must start investigating without her knowing to find out what is going on. When you get the facts, DO NOT confront her, but COME HERE and tell us what you find. We will help you handle this in the best way possible.

You must also get the book Surviving an Affair by Willard Harley. You can get it in a bookstore or on this website with fast, cheap shipping.

You need to start Plan A TODAY. Here is an article about Plan A. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html

But most of all, CALM YOURSELF DOWN and be more strategic in this. You may be in for the fight of your life and you can't afford to allow your emotions to lead you astray. It is real easy to make HUGE mistakes when you allow your emotions to take over.

And go read Plank's post again, ok? He gave you excellent advice.

always a great post plank

thanks melodylane, i needed that

well, wife not home yet.8.5 hours kids worried and so am i . dont know where to look

Oh my Im so sorry have you called everyone?

yes,no luck.and she promised to call kids at least . im really worried about her safety

Have you heard from your wife? is she ok?

HELLO ALL, I HAVE LEFT THE WOMAN I LOVED

So, bring us up to speed. Hope no one got hurt.

have been concerned per our convo

YEA, IM GLAD WE TALKED , HAND OF GOD WAS ON HER . CAME HOME ABOUT 5 AM , DRINKING, GOT ANGRY WHEN I ASKED WHERE YOU BEEN , THREATENED TO KILL ME , LOOKING FOR GUN, KNIFE OR WHAT EVER . I HAD ONLY JUST BEEN TO POLICE TO FILL OUT MISSING REPORT AND CAME HOME . IN SHE WALKED I KNEW SHE HSAD BEEN WITH ANOTHER , NO DUMB [censored] FOOL HERE. BUT ANYWAY, DRINKING ,OUTA HER HEAD, PUT HER NASTY [censored] HAND ON ME , AND MY GOD I HELD MY COOL, JUST CALLED THE LAW AND HAD HER COMMITED FOR EVALUATION . SHE GETS OUTA THAT BUT HAS CHARGES FOR ASSULT ON LAW AND RESIST , I JUST PACKED AND LEFT , NOT GOING BACK, SHE CAN HAVE IT

I`m so sorry, you knew all along what she had been up to.YOU were right.I`m glad you kept your cool.Please keep posting here it will help.How are the children?

KIDS OK, IM OK, WITH OUR DAUGHTER NOW, IN VA. THEY KNOW SHES WRONG TO BUT I DONT WANT THEM TAKING SIDES, SHES STILL MOM , BUT THEY ARE ANYWAY . SO IM JUST MOVING ON TO A BETTER WAY FOR ALL OF US . HOPE SHE HAS FOUND WHAT IT WAS SHE NEEDED.
AND APTIVA, I THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS AND IN FACT THANK YOU ALL WHO HAVE HELPED ME AND BEEN THERE FOR ME. I HOPE I CAN RETURN IT TO SOMEONE IN NEED SOMEDAY

Your very welcomed, but please post here so we know how you are dealing with all this and a BUG HUG and BIGGER HUGS to the children.

So how are you feeling? Sorry it turned out like this.