Well, I finally got my W to sit down and talk to me about what is going on in her life. Why she doesnt want to be home with her family. She tells me that she is snot happy with her life anymore. She is bored with her life and that she has no affection with me anymore. She loves me for the great husband and father that I am, but she doesnt love me life a W should love a H. What do you say to that? She has still agreed to go to counseling to see if it helps because she says she doesnt want to just throw in the towell. Where do you go from there? I really dont know anything anymore.

I feel for you. I am in the same boat as you now except my W wont talk to me or agree to counseling of any kind. I dont know if I can help much but I will tell you what I am doing. I have been doing everything I can to remind her of our love. I send her little notes or e-cards to her email. I text her on her breaks at work. I do everything I can around the house and with the kids. I think her seeing what I do with the kids has opened her eyes a little. I went the other night and asked her for a date. I am having to start over again and get her to love me again, just like you will. My worst problem was expecting too much too soon. Read all you can on this site. I learned that a lot of what I was saying to her was wrong. Ive noticed an improvement since I started acting out what I have learned from this site. Keep posting. I also started a journal which helps me a bunch. Its going to take a long time and a lot of patience. I would give anything if my W would agree to counseling.

I don't have encouragement for you either.....

I got the same comments too. Say's she's been feeling it for the past 6 mos. to a year. Claims we don't have anything but the kids and work in common anymore. Says I'm more like a big brother to her. Needs her independence and to develop some goals for her life. Claims she might be having a mid life crisis at 36.

Unfortunatly, when she gets bored she goes to bars and drinks (alcoholic/addict/bipolar = Bad) and has developed EA's with bar dudes. After 6 years and stays in rehab, mental hospitals and counseling we are now at a severe crossroad.

Due to her latest crap we are contemplating a separation and who knows what after that.

My heart breaks for you..(((hugs))) I'm married to someone who is bipolar....as a woman, i know there are times i've struggled with burnout or just depression...being so tired and not taking care of myself. Also love in a marriage changes, it looks different at different stages of our lives...I don't have any wisdom to share, only a part of my heart and my understanding...((((hugs)))))

Read the articles on this website...they are about filling our spouse's love banks...read about Love Busters and Emotional Needs...

And take heart.

As hangingtough pointed out...little things matter...openness and honesty, sharing who you are, matters the most...recreational companionship, presence...all of you matters in your marriage...

You all listened to hour your spouse felt...commendable...remember that...and keep doing that.

Be aware of EA's and fantasies they have which can stop allowing your love deposits into their banks...takes snooping and verifying where your spouses go and who they are seeing...even at work...staying aware...this is fighting for your marriage and learning a lot about the dance your marriage has been...and doing new steps.

You can do this. You can face whatever is in front of you...

Wayward thinking doesn't have to be adultery...wayward is pulling away...here's the forumla...

Entitlement, fueled by resentment and a lack of respect.

It isn't about love...it is about what we create within ourselves. You cannot educate someone into knowing they are doing this to themselves...but by knowing this formula, you can search yourself, find your truths, live by new ones, and love by choice.

LA