If you've read my first post you know my marriage is falling in around me. I told him today that I'll go talk to someone with him but that I don't want him living here until we get help and lots of it. He took it ok, but then he's at work so he can't get to pissed off. He's coming tonight to get some stuff and then he'll be gone, or so he say.
I feel better in a way but I'm so tired of crying all the time. I just want things to get better or to be over.
I'm scared of what is going to happen if we can't make it work. I've got 12 animals counting on me to be able to feed them and give them a place to live, and don't even get me started on this farm. It's been in my family for over a 100 years. I watched my father lose everything trying to save it for me.
I know I can't stay in an abusive mrriage just to save this place but that doesn't make it an easier. Like most abusive men he swears he'll change and who know maybe he will.

Have you ended your affair yet?

WAT

It wasn't an affair but yes I've stoped contact with him.

Deluded,
I have just read up on your original story.

You said that you see the OM everyday. Does that mean he works for you?

Also, how old is your husband and has he ever been married before?

If he has been married before, it probably would help to contact his former wife and find out why he they divorced. My bet would be he was abusive.

Abuse is a curse handed down from generation to generation. It is also very hard habit or behavior to break.

Do your research....

If you find he has a past with abuse, walk away from the marriage and don't look back.

You are lucky, there are no children involved...

Three years is not a lot of time to invest in a relationship.

Keep on posting, and make sure you do not give your husband this website, since you consider him abusive.

Stay safe,

k.d.'s heartbreak

Based on your description of it, it was an affair, but it's moot if you've stopped it.

Please get professional advice for dealing with an abusive spouse.

WAT

No he doesn't work for me he's a customer.

My H is 31 and no he's never been married before, engaged once but not married. I have no idea how to contact any of his ex's. The only thing a really know about his past relationships is that he girl he was with before me accused him of raping her. He has always claimed as does his family that it was all a lie.

Sorry if I came across wrong about the affair thing. I know even if we're just friends now there are feeling there and it's better to stop it now then later.

Sorry if I came across wrong about the affair thing. I know even if we're just friends now there are feeling there and it's better to stop it now then later.


Deluded, that is a very wise thing to do.

It is part of being human to feel attractions to certain people, but it is the wise person that installs boundries, and realizes what might happen if this attraction goes too far.

You might check with the sheriff's department of your husband's old town to see if there was anything on record of your husband's relationships with other woman or assaults and batteries.


k.d.'s heartbreak

Thanks I'm going to look into that today.

Affairs are easy things to fall into when you are hurting emotionally. Since OM is separated, he has a lot of baggage too. The worst thing you can do is start talking innocently about personal issues with a person of the opposite sex. You should talk to someone. A counselor is ideal. Seek out female friends you have confidence in and talk to them. Don't talk about your personal problems with men (unless they are old and ugly).

So husband and family deny the rape. What else would you expect? If your H will commit to counseling, see how that goes. If he is lying to cover things up, a good counselor will see through that.

I have been talking to my mother alot the last few days as well as my god mother.
My H seems very commited to counseling but not to give me an space. He said tonight before he left that he wouldn't contact me, if I wanted or needed to talk I could get ahold of him. He wasn't even gone 1/2 an hour and he was texting me. I don't know if I'm commited to this and to counseling. I feel like such a huge weight as been lifted since he left. For the first time in 3 days I was finally able to keep food down.
Is that a bad sign? You can even see the difference in the dogs. When he was here they were nervous and clinging to me, now that he's left they are both content and asleep.
I spent alot of time today just trying to think about what it is that I want, what is going to make me happy. I've done everything so far to make him and his family happy, and I think I've lost sight of what I need.
As of a few hours ago we are officialy separated and I'm not upset in the least. I'm just waiting for it to sink in I guess.