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Plan A and wait her out. Stay the moral high ground and don't let her bait you to wade into her cess pool. ...advised him that I would be sending all evidence of the affair to his wife. Did you do this? Probably not a good idea to tell him you were doing this - that way he can maybe intercept whatever you send. If you haven't sent her anything yet, make a plan to get it to her without the risk of interception. JMHO WAT
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WAT, he is seperated from his wife, WE THINK. She has been out of the country and he is waiting for her to come back.
Hiker, does your 17 yr old SS know about the affair? If not, I would make sure he has the full story.
You did good in holding your ground and refusing to move.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Hiker -
Tough situation you're in. No doubt about it. Unfortunately it looks like a battle of wills right now. She's hoping to break yours.
Keep pressure on the A. Hand deliver evidence to the OMW.
Stand your ground - you did that. "I'm not leaving."
Get togethers with her MIL - is your mother??
Stay stong. Feeling for you...
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Melody,
My SS says he knows everything, but I'm sure he just has a sanitized version of the truth.
For example, my wife told my neighbor, "We're having problems right now. My husband THINKS I'm seeing someone."
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So everyone thinks I should hold my ground?
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Bought her some gifts and left them in discreet places. She doesn't acknowledge them. Wrote her a nice card telling her that I was only trying to save our family, not make her mad. H - this is great stuff. Keep it up without ANY expectation of acknowledgement, reciprocation, etc. I didn't think any of this stuff was getting through to my WW but turns out it was softening her up. Even if it's not getting through now, you're creating an attractive landscape, reality for her to hold up against the A fantasy. Once the fantasy starts to crack, your reality will start looking very good. I know you know all this. Providing encouragement. Best of luck.
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WAT, he is seperated from his wife, WE THINK. She has been out of the country and he is waiting for her to come back. Ooooo. I think I knew that, but then forgot. Is this right, Hiker? My oldstimers disease. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> My 17 yo knows about the affair, yet buys into his Mom's rationale "explaining" it. He'll understand eventually. I suggest you offer the facts to him, but not try to convince him of anything. Never bad mouth your spouse to the kids - it ruins the moment when they figure it out for themselves. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> WAT
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Absolutely hold your ground. Doing a great job.
Give your SS the unvarnished truth. He has the right to know. Deliver it in a factual, non-judgemental way. Clinical. Let him draw his own conclusions and judgements. Provide facts only.
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For example, my wife told my neighbor, "We're having problems right now. My husband THINKS I'm seeing someone." How did you find this out? Did you tell that neighbour the truth afterwards?
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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MDC,
Thanks for the encouragement.
ManinMotion,
The neighbor talked to me yesterday and told me what she said. I had to laugh. I told her the real story. The neighbor has experiences with affairs in her past, both on her part and her husband's. She said, "It'll never last."
Well, that's my hope. But my wife is acting like the OM is her true soulmate. She told her best friend months ago that being divorced would not be so bad. Well, I guess she would know since she's already been divorced twice before.
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Melody,
My SS says he knows everything, but I'm sure he just has a sanitized version of the truth.
For example, my wife told my neighbor, "We're having problems right now. My husband THINKS I'm seeing someone." This is why he needs to hear the story FROM YOU. The goal of exposure is to get the CORRECT STORY out there. And yes, you should stand your ground and not move out.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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If you can't pin SS down then write a letter. my wife is acting like the OM is her true soulmate Fog. My WW told me how much happier I would be if we split because I'd have so much $$. OK that's a simple math problem that WW was re-working in an effort to justify her disgusting behavior. While back WW also told me she spoke to her M who indicated that spliting up would "not be so bad for the kids". I know my MIL -- she would NOT say this. More reality synthesis on the part of a WS. Yours is acting like OM is the bees knees and divorce is not so bad because she HAS to. Reality and her fantasy cannot co-exist. Crush the fantasy. SS looks might be a good way to do that....
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