Oh yes they should.

Absolutely they should.

Go and read the condemnation for allowing affairs and people in active rebellion to continue to be a part of the body UNTIL and UNLESS they repented and turned away from their sin.

I am not suggesting that HE needs to agree..I am suggesting that being in a church which tolerates open rebellion and allows those who are actively sinning to TEACH CHILDREN is probably a bad idea. Ask your pastor about the conflict between what is being practiced as policy and scriptural directive for dealing with issues of this nature.

noodle, we don't teach children we teach adults.

The church part aside, you need to expose the affair. That is what will end it. Please contact the other woman's husband and let him know what is going on - then you will find out how "gay" he is.

Oops..

It makes no difference BTW.

Marflow...

"The reason I haven't exposed to the whole church is because the last affair that was exposed ended up ripping the children apart and I won't do that to my sons."

The affair rips children apart...not the exposure.

Why is your MC not addressing the affair?

Good self-care coming back here...please keep posting.

LA

ok I've tried to post twice and its not working I think my post are to long so i'm going to do this in chunks.

It's been a week and a half I last posted and there is a lot to say.

Ok Plan B lasted 3 days please no 2x4's ran into WH at my house he was there to see the boys I was there for lunch didn't talk to much I did ask if he was still in contact with OW he said yes I took that as my Q to leave.

Later that evening I called him to find out how his dr's appt. was (his been having trouble with the way his heart is beating) his PCP is sending him to a cardiologist. He also has to get blood work this is good because the STD ? will be answered. I don't want this to time out on me again.
so there will be more in a minute

Marflow

WH-48
Me-39
M-16 yrs.
DS-15
DS-11
D-day 4/14/06
WH moved out 5/18/06

so why we were on the phone he told me he was planning to be with me on Friday because I was having day surgery. I was a little suprised because i told him that I didn't want him to take me. But needless to say he did. He spent the whole day with me fix me dinner and everything. I was kind of out of it so we didn't talk much but it was nice to have him there. The next day was the annual church at the ball park i didn't know if i was going to be able to go so I had asked WH if he would take the boys if i could not go. But i felt good enough to go we went as a family and it was fun. When we got home from the ball game it was really late so I asked WH if he wanted to stay the night it seemed silly to drive all the way across town to come back in 7 hrs. so that we could go to church. He stayed to night. ok I'm going to end again because it gets real interesting next.

Marflow

Sounds like you're back in Plan A....this is very good.

we get back from church and we have a heart to heart. I told him everything that I have kept in since d-day. I told him that I didn't trust anything that he says (he has told me that he hs not seen OW since before d-day) that he is a liar and a cheater but inspite of that i love him and in my heart that i know that we can have a better marriage than we had before. He told me that he has alot of fear about the future I told him so do I. The best part is that he talk this time instead of running away and not talking to me for days. He came over the next day and had dinner with us.

Marflow

low orbit yes I am in plan A again.

This weekend was a eye opener. WH came over on saturday he was going to have dinner with us but something happened a work so he could not stay.

But why he was there his cell rang I asked who it was he said nobody I told him the ring was different so I said who was it he said OW. then he told me that he hasn't talked to her in a week and that he won't be calling her back. I told him thank you for telling me that. I didn't ask anymore ? then he had to go back to work.

He called me sunday and asked if I wanted to go bowling I said yes (i won 3 of the 4 games we played. GIRL POWER!!) We picked our sons up from youth group and went out to dinner. it was nice.

I forgot say in my past post. one day early last week we were talking on the phone and when before we hung he said he loved me you know the way that says I really love you. It was very cool.

So now i'm a little scared, I've been praying for him to have NC and now that has happened i don't know want to do. He went 2 weeks right after d-day without having contact.

How do I handle this?

Marflow

I have another question.

I've read on alot of post that the WS treats the BS badly when going thru withdrawal, my WH it's doing this.

Should I be worried?

I know that sounds dumb but he has been really nice.

Just be happy he doesn't treat you badly. Most of them either treat their spouse with disdain, or ignore them.

Marflow,
When we say expose to the church, it does not necessarily have to be an announcement from the pulpit. It could be instead you going to talk to the pastor. The pastor needs to know that one of the Sunday School Teachers is having an affair.

Is the OW from work? If so, there needs to be exposure there as well.

Dr Harley recommends telling the children. Why do they think he lives somewhere else?

Have you talked to him about a letter of No Contact that he writes, you approve, and you mail together?

That shows a great deal of respect for you if he will do that.

Hang in there

Hi move

We have just got a new pastor the old pastor knew he was the second person that I told. My WH has only been to church 1 time since the new pastor got there. I am the one that is leading the sunday school class.

He meet the OW because of work but they never work together. She has since left the company.

The boys think there dad is living away because of problem that he is having. He live with his mom.

I haven't talk to him about the NC letter yet I know i need to soon. I also what to get him on this site so he can see he is not the only one that is going thru this.

He is coming over tonight so if his mood is right i'm going to ask him to look at this site with me.

Do you think this is a good idea?

I think if he is not wanting to recover, that it is not good to have him read and post here. If you are using the plans and strategizinf with folks on here and he reads that, but is still involved in the affair- he'll know how to counter everything you are doing.

It might be better if you asked him to read HIs Needs/Her Needs or even Surviving an Affair.

Hold off on sending him here until he is really working toward recvery with you- that is my opinion.


Have a good day

I don't necessarily buy that he's in withdrawal, Mar...because that would be well into NC, and if she's still ringing his cell...well...how have you verified NC?

My WH worked with OW for three months after breaking it off with her...until real NC...and we've recovered. I'm not saying that there's no chance...of course there is...just to label the stages, well, is tricky, unless you've got great snooping/knowing devices firmly in place.

I think you'll know more when you ask more...when you ask for a No Contact letter...have you eliminated all LBs? Been really safe to be shared with and really strong about sharing your thoughts, feelings and beliefs?

Was OW married? Did you say something about their marriage not being real...did you notify OWH, anyway?

I could be mixing up threads...it's lunch time and my brain stops working.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

LA

loving- the only thing that I can check is cell phone records and he knows i check them. The reason i believe he's not talking to her is because she has never called when he has been with me before.

He has no reason to lie about his not talking to her he has always said he was talking to her.

So why would he change his story now?

Yes all LBing has stopped. he knows he can talk to me about all of this and he has. I try to be strong but sometimes I will cry mostly because of angry in the beginning I didn't get mad but the longer this goes on the madder I get. But I havw kept angry outburst at bay.

Have a great night

I have never contacted her husband because I don't know enough about them. I've checked the local phone book and online but I can't find them.

The only thing I know is where the gay bar that he hangs out in but I don't know what he looks like plus he is a cross dresser if you believe what she says.

I'm okay with you believing your FWH...and that he is in withdrawal...I don't understand then why you don't ask him for her info because informing OWH is the right thing to do, though. Regardless of their circumstances. She's married.

When was last contact? That helps in figuring out the general timeline.

Your concern was him being nice during withdrawal...so I guess I'm checking if this is withdrawal. Seemed logical to me.

If he's already through withdrawal and he's stated his totally recommitted to working on the marriage, no contact, and wants to earn back your trust, meet your ENs and knows exactly why he chose to do what he did...then that's recovery.

As far as your eliminating LBs...if you feel anger, state you feel anger...pain, sadness, frustration, sorrow...whatever it is, you can state, share, and acknowledge. No LB there. It's yours. Eliminating the permission you gave yourself to AO instead of state helps you not need strength in not AOing...but honesty.

You're aware you're building your anger...getting madder. That's great honesty...could part of it be that if WH is so nice, how could he do such a thing?

LA

I will talk to him about her info. When i first found out he told me alot of info about her and her husband but it was to much to fast and my brain was still trying to wrap around the A, so I forgot alot.

Last physical contact was 4/6/06 it was the day before we left on vacation.

He says he want the M in one breath then he will say he don't know because of guilt and fear.

After he told me that he hasn't talked to her in a week I was in shock. So i thanked him for telling me and that was all that was said. I have not really talk to him since. He didn't come over last night, he called and said he would be later so I told not to come over I had to go to bible study anyway. So he is coming over today I'm trying to get all the question I had formulated in my head. So taht is what I will be doing today.

NC has been broken. Thalk with WH didn't go very well.

He told me he can't make a committment to me and that he can't be the husband I need him to be. Said he wasn't strong enough to stop talking to OW. She kept calling and he finally pick-up.

After he left I was a emotional wreak I could not stop crying.

About and hour after he left he called asked how I was I told he not good. He asked if I could talk I said yes.

Then he told what he ment by saying he can't committ is that he does not trust himself to kept up NC and he doesn't think it fair to me.

I told him I thought he could we just needed to come up with a plan for NC.

I told him I was willing to anything to help him.

I then explained that his relationship with her was a fantasy and that they never had to deal with life.

I told him that he needed to see her for what she is. That any person that went after a married man even after he ingnored her advancements at first and she still went afetr him that she is not the person that he trys to make her out as.

I told him that she went after him and didn't care how she hurt as long as her needs we're being meet.

I also told him taht any person that comes between you and God is evil.

My hope is that what I said will get him thinking.

I NEED FEED BACK!