Alright Ladies,
I can't help myself on responding, so here goes.
[color:"blue"] YEA! You're here! I can't tell you how glad I am. [/color]
I was feeling kinda low yesterday. To many of you that may come as a shock.
[color:"blue"] Not even a little shocked. Not even a zap. I'm tellin' you Bubs, I've BTDT with the Wookie. After what we've survived, what YOU have to say doesn't surprise me an iota (I love that word this week). [/color]
No, I don't expect friendship on this board. The advice offered weather it was sent my way in a civil tone or not has been apperciated. I was expecting a bit more of an objective tone. Not one so condemming and quick to prejudge what I was thinking or feeling.
[color:"blue"] Apologies if YOU construed it as such. I attempt to be as nonjudgemental as I can...BUT YOU are the one doing the wrong.....to be fair, you are also doing some things right....like...um...letssay...coming here (whether there are handprints on your delts or not). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> [/color]
For many I am sure I repersent the very person( attitude) that crushed your heart.
[color:"blue"] My heart is no longer crushed. I keep trying to tell you...there is so much to hope for TH. I think that you are reading all the bad and hard stuff out of the posts - and granted there are a lot of people here that aren't as far into this as I am, so their wounds are still actively bleeding....but my wounds merely ache now and again. My fierceness that you percieve aimed at you aren't meant to wound you more. I apologize if I did so.
I DID tell you I understand your pain...I do...I do more than you'll ever realize. [/color]
It's not difficult to figure out that I am going to get some heat and be cast in the same light as what your H did to you.
[color:"blue"]I compare you to the Wookie only to show that you CAN make it through this mess. That's the only reason. Please take it as such. [/color]
Some may even assume that I will do/did all the rotten things your H did. I assure you, I did somethings that were worse, and somethings not as evil. We are not all the same.
[color:"blue"] You are more alike than you care to realize at this point in the space/time of your life.
But I agree, there are some degrees of ugly that you probably don't even rank at. There might even be some that you rank pretty high.
To me, doesn't matter right now. Right now what matters is that you are taking a proactive choice to stand up and LEARN how to make YOU and your wife begin healing.
That matters THE MOST to me. I don't care right now if you strung up puppies and beat them like pinatas while you were in the A...what matters is that you are attempting to fix what you've done wrong. [/color]
Now here is something else to think about:
Just because a woman has the title as W, does not mean she is automaticly elevated to a saint! It doesn't mean she is all bad either. I think this point gets lost on a board filled with BW's.
[color:"blue"]I think it's been lost on you because you are still reading through pain tinted glassses that no one here claims to be a saint. What they say is that you were doing it wrong and that no matter what your wife and kids didn't deserve that wrongness imposed by YOU in THEIR lives.
But you are hurting, and I don't think you even want to acknowledge that some of us GET THAT. [/color]
I have been accused of hateing MY W. If fact, there are many things I like about her. There are also many, many things that have cause years of fustration, yes there are times I have felt both hate and love. I also know there are issues that are self inflicted.
[color:"blue"] I'm glad you get that. I hope your wife will read and realize her part in the complacency that allowed for the chinks in your (both of you) marriage armor. [/color]
When I first started writting this thread, I was thinking that I was trying to save my marrige and do what is right for all my children. I was trying to find a "baseline" on what to expect.
[color:"blue"] I was trying to give it to you in my 2nd post to you, but you never responded. [/color]
I guess that is the engineering part of me comming out.
[color:"blue"] Oh, see? That explains a heckuva lot.
(yelling) NCW??? HELP! NCW, I need an interpreter!
Kidding. NCW is an engineer here too. He'd have gotten what you were trying to get us to understand asap! [/color]
If I know what to expect, it's easier to deal with an issue. Who better to ask than others who have been crushed and went thru the ringer.
[color:"blue"]Please....I just want to remind you that if you want a wayward husband's pov on what [color:"red"] [/color] I [color:"red"] [/color] went through, ask away and I'll relay what the Wookie says. He really is a good guy. Read my blurb below...he did some blechy things...I mean c'mon...I now have not 1 but 2 OC (whom the sun rises and sets upon, imo). Nothing YOU'VE done is gonna make me hate you...if I can forgive the Wookie...doncha think I can keep from taking this stuff you write terribly personally? [/color]
Many of you saw that I still have a decision to make regarding weather I even want to be married. OK, I buy that.
Many of your think I should just set my pride aside and do "anything". I have to admit, the thought in my mind is "Is she worth it?". "Can I really be happy one day in this union?". "Is she really worth the possiable loss of OC".
May not sound pretty, but it is the truth.
[color:"blue"] I get that. You are about as far along in this as most Waywards that come here. [/color]
I know God commands us to save our marrige, but I will tell you, this has at times made me even question my faith.
The point of stepping back was to think about what was said. To give me a chance to process the information.
[color:"blue"] Ah. See? It sounded very...um...dramatic and final. Drama...we've done drama here to death.
Me? I prefer humor. Bet you could've never guessed.[/color]
In someways, this has been the best counsling session I have been involed in. In a masochist kinda way ;-)
[color:"blue"] I like you already. If you have any questions on MY personal views during my healing, ask away. I'm pretty much an open book. Some might even say I have a hard time shutting up. [/color]
