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now
more sober talk
get DNA on your Baby Girl
yes
you need to confirm the legality of all of this
why?
in the future
OW might want to move out of state and at that convenient time ... make a claim that you are NOT the Daddy ....
so
if you want to begin ~fixin' & mendin'~ the fence around your marriage
this DNA paper is one of the boards that needs to be nailed down solidly
make sense Mr T the Geek?
Pep <~~~ as UNgeek as they come
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To continue on Pep's more somber note,
I emailed my phone # to your dearest. Please let her know to call at her convenience...
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Th this is something to try and keep in my mind with your wife when you talk about your princess. This is something that she is going deal with besides that there is OC it is also a girl. I know I am there too I have 3 boys..... we have talked many times of nice it would be to have a little girl. We even had said that if we could gaurntee that it would be a girl for sure we would try once more. Considering my history that is asking for alot, the longest I carried a child was 27 weeks. OW had a girl She gave him something I could not. I was his wife. I was the mother of his children. That gave me some "pride"...something over the OW.... something that she could take away from me!! But she gave him the girl It made me feel degraded. It hurt that she gave him what I was unable to. The knife that was shoved into my heart got twisted. It is hard to explain, but just try to remember this is just another twist of the knife in her heart. Her ego has been brought down even more. Try to understand that when you talk to her about it Trust me I am NOT saying you dont love your boys...... maybe it is just me but I didnt see the passion when you talked about them.... you dont mention your OC but even the few words that you type you can feel the passion when you talk about your princess. Again I am not saying that you dont love them, just trying to figure out where the passion is. We had there example to work with And you got tons of examples right here, when you have doubts good examples are just a click away 24/7 that it can work.
When you learn to forgive someone who has really hurt you and forget the wound that they have caused, then you truly love that person.
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I know what you mean TS, about feeling degraded.
When we found out OCDS was a boy, I felt like OW was trying to replace my kids with hers....which she was, and admitted to me that she was....but still.
It hurt so bad...
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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... which bring us to the most sobering conversation of all contraception/protection we're guessing you did not use condoms... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> so guess what? YOU need to get STD tested ... ALL of them.... it is one of the marriage recovery fence-boards that also must be "nailed down" once, and for all tell your lovely wife TODAY that you are volunteering to get tested it will be an impresive feather in your cap that you are MAN-UP for the heavy-lifting in recovery Love & prayers too Pep <~~~ a wooooman
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Be safe. Protect you and yours - that's what we're saying.
Your wife is lovely, btw.
I hope you had a good night.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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DNA just wont prove to you that she is your daughter
It will be the proof in the eyes of the court. Many states (ours is one of them) has turned to that if a child is born out of wedlock a test must be done to prove that the one claiming to be the father is the father.
It is good to get it done now. Lets say something went drastically wrong, that she got mad at you and moved away without telling you where..... etc.....then you need to go thru the courts.... this will save you several weeks of getting the proof and getting into courts, only several weeks if you know where your daughter is. Longer if you dont know where, and without the proof then no one would really take you serious because you had no proof that she is your daughter.
It is not just for knowing, it is for your protection too and for your rights.
When you learn to forgive someone who has really hurt you and forget the wound that they have caused, then you truly love that person.
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TH Do me one favor this weekend. Fix your sons puter!
When you learn to forgive someone who has really hurt you and forget the wound that they have caused, then you truly love that person.
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>It is not just for knowing, it is for your protection too and for your rights.
And you DO have rights.
No matter how bad you feel about the situation.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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ahhhhhhh Considering the condition I met for visitation, perhaps this is not a bad idea just as a protection measure.
There is a part of me that would not want to know if she was not mine. but it is not JUST about you any more ... is it ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> POJA means ~~~> mutually agree with your WIFE on all important issues that effect the family. You need to put yourself in your wife's position for a minute ... here you are on MB ... desperatly wanting your WIFE to ACCEPT and WELCOME into her & your sons' lives ~~~ another child.... born from adultery. You are asking your WIFE ~and~ your sons to financially share equally with another child. If you were in your wife's position, and you were being asked to perhaps send your sons to a non-ivy-league school because there would be less $$$ for college ... would you agree to doing this without absolute proof? It is NO LONGER all about you & your feelings (not that your feelings don't count ... but your sons' and your WIFE's feelings count equally to yours) and guess what ? OW's feelings don't count at all when making MARRIAGE decisions Loving your WIFE and your SONS means ... taking action that protects THEM ... if you say you love your children equally ... then protect your sons as well. Pep HMMMMMMMMM?
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Usually, if you get around to talking with & seeking guidance from your church pastor ... eventually that pastor will say something about "fences" it is a common theme in marriage protection amongst clergy and what you have failed to notice, is that over time, your home fence has fallen down & is lying on the ground ... and this fence, that was supposed to protect you & yours was not maintained BY YOU so all the little annoying things we mention the DNA the STD check the family law attorney are all planks in the fence you are trying to construct RIGHT NOW YOU have developed the habit of independent decision making in your marriage ... and that fence plank is one that requires POJA decisions be made otherwise ... the entire fence falls apart "I don't feel like doing that" <~~~ is not a decision maker anymore .... THIS ~~~> is the decision maker now MY WIFE AND I AGREE THAT THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO GOQuestion: Do you have a family trust yet? What if you died tragically tomorrow ... what protects your daughter? think about this no more "I don't feel like blah*blah*blah" ... time to change your decision making paradigm MAN UP ... why? well, if you are a believer, you know you will meet your maker one day ... and there will be a reckoning ... what do you want your track record to say about you? You are not expected to be perfect ... but you were given 10 specific "rules" to follow ... and willfully breaking the rules does come with a reckoning ... just like living on your credit card ... the bill eventually shows up <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> You got your credit card bill ... time to make payments .... DNA testing & STD testing & family law attorney & POJA & willingness to endure OW withdrawl ... because it is the right thing to do ! WE think you can do it ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Pep
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TH - are you two okay?
Thought I'd check to see what you posted on the weekend, but nada.
Thinking of you and your dw.
- Kimmy
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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W saw her own family lawyer. This was expected. Apperantly she did not like what she heard from the lawyer. She wanted to know how she would fair in a divorce. [color:"blue"] At this point, it is wise for her to know her options. It does not mean she wants a D. Give her time[/color]
She may be willing to let me take the boys to our first visit. This is a big step. [color:"blue"] Have you explained everything to your boys, the two of you together? What about family counseling? Please reassure your W that OW will not be part of this picture [/color]
It has yet to be seen if the W and I can really be friends the way we need to be. I guess time will tell. [color:"blue"] You said it right my friend, TIME. You need to go through withdrawl to see your W for the person she is, not who your A colored your mind to believe. She needs time to see if your words and actions match up so she can begin to have a smidgen of respect and trust for you again. Much time and loads of work that will pay off for your entire family AND for your own self respect. Not to mention the big guy upstairs [/color]
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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a super addidavid creates a finding of fact when it come to me being her dad.
It's a lock. That's why OCDS is ours now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I didn't even WANT DNA testing for him....I don't wanna know, I don't wanna know... OW withdrawl: This will take a long time. More painfull than I had ever imagined. It will get better. I dunno what else to tell you, other than I understand from experience. That is very hot for us( I know, not so hot where you may live). 90 huh? That's SPRING here. I hope your dw will post someday.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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TroubledH ~~
Sounds like you had a halfway decent weeekend, then. Glad to hear that you fixed son #1's computer and did the domestic chores....that probably added to the W's LB. ;-)
Has W finished reading His Needs/Her Needs yet? You two much be having some sort of dialogue about what you've both read.....? What might work for you, what you can both put in practice?
As you said....time will tell.
Praying for you,
CalifWoman
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That is a huge step for your W, TH. Now again, the OW will NOT be involved in this visit, correct?
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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so
how are you going to tell your sons that you have a child, their sister, but that you did this very bad thing with the mommie of their sister?
Pep
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