I have been married for a little over 9 years now, my wife and I are both 31, we have a son, he is almost 1. We met in the Army back in 1993 and started going out not that long after. Before we got married we both ‘strayed’ tested the grass on the other side.

Back to the current day.
My wife is still in the Army, I now work in the ‘real world’ as I like to call it.
Last week my wife was away on a work trip to another state with 3 other guys. It was her birthday during the trip. They all had a “big night” lots of alcohol. This is what she said and one of the other guys, I know him well (a good friend) the other two I don’t know. My wife rang then next day, saying how dunk they all got and that they were all so hung-over the next day. My wife and my friend were sharing a room and the other two guys were in the other room. The next day, the day they were coming home, she rang asking me if I wanted any clothes, she was trying to by me a shirt, but they are a little hard to decide on over the phone so I said don’t bother. About 20 minutes later they call back (My wife, my friend is also there) asking if I would like a new ‘Playstation’ game. I said I wasn’t really interested in the games that were on special, she was very intent on getting me something, so I ended up with a new release game. From things that were said I became a little suspect about if something happened between my wife and my friend (her work colleague). Just background thoughts that something happened. She was back for a week before going interstate again for a promotion course, 5 weeks of intense training. She left at midday. That night when I was cleaning up in the bathroom I found a drug packet that looked just a little wrong. It had ‘Postinor-2’ on the back, a quick Google search, and then I didn’t know what to do. It was a ‘morning after pill’

In my mind I am summing things up, (I presume, there may be some other explanation, I hope there is) my wife has had unprotected sex (whilst on no fertility control herself) with my friend, her coworker. This guy is married, and is soon to be moving just up the road from our house.

If it was just some guy I didn’t know I feel I could get over it a little easer. But I know this guy, he will soon be living just around the corner. My wife works with him every day.

Going public destroys his marriage, my marriage and my son’s chance at growing up in a normal family. I am/was very happy the way things were.

As my wife is away and on a high stress course for 5 weeks, I don’t want to confront her over the issue. I don’t think it will work to well over the phone.

So I am literally going insane with no way to verify (maybe it is just a misunderstanding on my part somehow) what happened until she gets back. In the mean time I am trying to be nice to a guy that (may have) slept with my wife, with the possibility of causing a pregnancy.

I think I need someone to talk to or maybe some professional help.

But things are no longer they way they were, are they?

Do nothing, and you'll likely end up with the OM living close to you, and your W working with the OM - and continuing the A. No prizes for figuring out what that would do to your M.

Welcome to Marriage bulders - there is a lot of wisdom here which I am grateful to be receiving myself.

People will be along shortly that can help you. I would say that what has been advised to me is that you are going to want to do some investigating before "asking" about what happened. If something happened and you ask about it - chances are you will just be lied to. Poke around on this site - there is a lot of good information about what signs to look for such as cell phone records, emails, voicemails. I hope you kept the package for the morning after pill because you may need it as evidence later. Regardless, you are validated in being suspicious and the people here will help you through it. I am in the same shoes and am investigating my SO for an affair. It is a difficult position to be in. Anyway - good luck and you are in the right place.

No, sir, you're wrong. "Going public" will NOT destroy either marriage or your son's growing up. The adultery has the potential to do that and only the adultery. Exposure will end only the adultery.

Contrary to your wish, things will NEVER ever be the same again. Don't bury your head in the sand and hope things improve. If you don't DO something, the whole thing will go downhill and then, sir, you most assuredly WILL lose your marriage.

Look, I don't know if this is the first time your wife has strayed or not. The fact they were sharing a hotel room tells me they're not new to this. This may just be the first time they've been "in your face" with it. It may heighten the excitement, the nastiness of their pleasure. Maybe not. I hope I'm wrong.

BTW, is she on this new five-week business trip with that "friend" of hers? What are her lodging arrangements this time? Are you even sure she's taking a course of instruction? Friend, cheaters LIE. They do it when they would be better off telling the truth.

You need to know just what's going on and you need a strategy to recover your marriage. Check out the link in my signature block on how to organize a marital recovery. I think it'll give you a lot of insight into what you're facing and how to get through it. While you're checking out links, click on the "Spying 101" link, also in my signature block, for some pointers on how to conduct a military-style intelligence operation to find out just what your wife has gotten herself into.

Are you ready to do a lot of work to get this resolved and salvage your marriage, SB? If you are, get busy, sir.

If the roles were reversed, do you think your wife would be so fearful of confronting you? I strongly suggest that the both of you be tested for STD's. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. The worst thing for you to do is nothing for this will guarantee the destruction of your marriage. Burying your head in the sand simply will not work and guarantee more pain in your life.