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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2 |
i recently discover my wife had 2 affairs( i discovered this 4 months ago) she said she wants our marraige to work out more than she ever wanted anything in her life. she cant explain why this happened. she says she never stopped loving me and never intended to leave the marraige. she says she is sorry and there is no way anything at all can ever happen again. but the problem is i resent what went on and the posibilty that more than i know of went on. i want to go on with my life and be happily married. is this possible for me and how long could it take to get over this. we have been married 23 years and have 3 childred the youngest is 9 yr old.
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,549
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,549 |
Welcome. Try working on meeting each other's emotional needs for a while, and see if your attitude improves in a few months. It may, and you're worrying for nothing. Many folks here have been able to get over the resentment.
Even if you have to tell yourself you're trying, "Just for the Kids," it might get you started. At least your wife is sorry--that's a start. Make sure there is no contact with the other person, or all is wasted effort.
That said, I still have not gotten over my resentment. Everyone is different, and I'm still working on mine, more than 8 months after D-day. Keep posting, and give it some time before you jump to any conclusions.
Me:BW, FWH 1DD 1DS
Status: Chronicled in Dr. Suess's "The Zax"
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 221
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 221 |
Welcome Mark, sorry you are here.
23 years and 3 children is a lot to build on and reason to recover if that is what you desire.
You need a plan, you cannot just will yourself to stay in the M...you both need to figure out why this happened so you can change, heal, grow and recover.
Some things to get you started...
1. Read this site (not just the forum)
2. Read Surviving An Affair and His Needs Her Needs (both of you should read--if she is as remorseful as you say she should welcome any opportunity to make this right)
3. Pro-Marriage Counseling, and perhaps Individual counseling for your W to figure out why she had 2 A's.
4. Do the Emotional Needs Questionaire together and discuss it frequently
Well, that is a lot to get you started. A plan and action is essential to recovering from betrayal.
Blessings to you,
Glad
BW-34
FWH-35
Married 12yrs
4 children
DD 8
DD 6
DD 4
DD 2
d-day 7/03
Beautiful Recovery
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2 |
we are seeing counseling together and seperate. we have done the Emotional Needs Questionaire together. and i have read the book His Needs Her Needs . she hasnt because she is busy working. i have been off of work for several weeks.
im afraid that my resentment is causing irrepairable damage. any advice on things to do when i feel a bout with resentment coming on??
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 221
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 221 |
Hi Mark, that is all a good start.
I would say though that on her end being busy with working is not a good excuse for not working to recover...she needs to start reading those books!
What did you two learn about each other from the EN questionaire?
Mark, I am a christian and so derived much of my strength and perseverence in recovery from the Lord. So my advice on how to deal with the anger and resentment would be rooted in prayer and the Bible and my relationship with the Lord. Would advice from this angle be helpful to you?
Its a hard road, I am sorry you are on it.
Blessings,
Glad
BW-34
FWH-35
Married 12yrs
4 children
DD 8
DD 6
DD 4
DD 2
d-day 7/03
Beautiful Recovery
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 8,970 |
Markster...can you do a search of the forum for "resentment timeline"? I've posted about it a lot...
If you'll do this exercise (which our MC gave us while WH was in his affair)...you can change your life drastically...and your marriage might change when you do...or not. Either way, you'll gain something potent for you.
LA
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
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