I have a difficult time getting over something. My Husband went into my email (without my permission) and found that I sent an email to an old ex, asking for software. He got mad and he's rightly so since He forbade me to talk to my ex ever. So, I went into his email (without his permission) and found he was still talking to his ex and shared pics of the family with her and that he still had naked pics of her and a pic of her with him. This upsets me but I haven't told him about it and now I'm obsessed over a lot of things and don't trust him at all. worse off his ex put the pics up on myspace.
Now I just don't go online anymore but it still bothers me. Especially since I asked him to get rid of the pics and yet the pics are still there. But he forbids me to go and see if the pics are down.
How do I just move on? I hate myself and I'm always thinking he's talking to her and stuff.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Welcome to MarriageBuilders, Zor...

What's with the permission stuff? I ask because if you believe there is privacy in marriage, then you can't be intimate, can you?

I hope you go online to post here...there is a lot of help and information to aid you. I'm delighted you're here.

You aren't dealing with an easy issue...ex's exist, they were what you were before...to each other.

There's a rule here, on the Infidelity General Questions II forum (best place to post for the most traffic), which is a good guide for marriage...

Marriage is for two people only. When one partner puts another person ahead of the marriage, it's an affair. Whether they're sleeping together or not.

With your contacting your ex when you had agreed not to; and him contacting his ex, when he agreed not to, you both betrayed the marriage.

Think of it as you, him and the marriage. There are things you don't allow yourself to do to honor the marriage, even when you don't feel like honoring your husband...due to his behavior and your resentment.

How long married? Children? Why is there any forbidding in your marriage? I ask because forbidding is a fantasy word...no one can control another human being...not in God's design...we are limited to only controlling ourselves...we can influence, but only when the other person allows our influence.

You chose not to intimately communicate with your ex. Your H chose differently. Forbidding isn't real, Zor. You have choice. It's the balance to our human limits...no one can make you do anything...you choose to comply, homor, respect, believe...or not.

Hating yourself is something you have domain over. Knowing why you obsess, suspect, distrust, create resentment in yourself...those are within your control...what you own.

You are not alone. You're not crazy. You're resourceful and you found your way to a great place. Have you read all the articles on The Love Bank, Policy of Joint Agreement, the four rules of marriage, Emotional Needs and Love Busters? The links are to the right of your screen.

We're here for you.

LA