My wife officially filed this past week and the divorce will be final mid-August. The thing is, I didn't want the divorce and tried everything to make it work, but she just won't budge and hasn't.

Anyway, for those of you who have been in my position...how do you move on and "let go" when you deeply love your mate? I'm finding this very, very difficult. It would be much easier if she had done something mean or it was obvious that things were unhealthy, but that isn't the case.

I work at home on the internet for my job. It is tough to be at home and have to deal with all of this and to concentrate. This past week I went and got an apartment to move into for August. Hopefully we can sell our house sometime in July. I guess that was a step forward to me as hard as it was to get an apartment. Staying in "our" house has been tough because of the memories.

I find the mornings to be VERY difficult emotionally. I have woken up to my wife for nearly 4 years and no it is just an empty space. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I also really, really miss having sex and intimacy...which before I got kind of tired of it to be honest. Now I want it very much.

Can anyone relate or have any advice? I just turned 31 so hopefully I will have time to find a new wife someday that will fully love me and stick with me through thick and thin.

Hi there - I'm so sorry to hear of your pain - I wouldn't wish divorce on my worst of enemies - it's a very painful experience for everyone involved.

My only advice is this - there is plenty of time in your life to meet someone new. This is your time now to reflect and make yourself happy with YOU - and all of the rest will fall into place in time. So, don't worry about the future right now, take this time to keep yourself strong and healthy. Again, I'm sorry for your sadness - but I'm living proof that there is life after divorce.

Paul,

I was 31 when I got divorced.

Read my sig below..... Notice anything.....

A lot has happened since that day 13 yrs ago.
You still have a long life ahead, Take your time.

The only thing I would have done different?

Found MB back then
JS

JSLost,

Sorry for my ignorance, but I guess I don't understand all your sig info. Can you please explain? Are you saying you divorced at 31 and remarried the same person or a different person and when?

Thanks for explaining...

PaulD - Just wanted to say that I am going thru the same situation and I feel your pain. It is an extremely painful situation to deal with, especially when you did not want the divorce.

I am just trying to take it day by day because at this point, I feel there is nothing more that I can do other than to accept it and move on with my life. However, I am not at the acceptance stage. I wish I could give you some advice, but I really can't. I can just give you comfort in knowing that you are not alone:)

Mine filed a restraining order against me today so I couldnt see the kids. I had to talk to her attourney then wait for her answer to see if I could see my kids today at all. i talked to my attourney and he said that he would let the case sit that there was no rush. her attourny on the other hand said she wants a speedy divorce asap.
So i cant talk to her to get my things out of my house and I cant see my kids in the process and this is all because of her new boyfriend because she said she would never keep my kids from me ever.

I know how you feel. I am getting a divorce and if things work out between us maybe one day we can get married again. Time will tell and heal I hope and pray.

I was reading in the book called "Rebuilding", a great book on divorce, that it says even if a spouse was lonely in a marriage and leaves (like my wife did)...that at first they may be relieved. But then, a whole new type of loneliness is likely to set in.

I guess in some ways I do hold on to some hope that in time she will see all the good she had in me and maybe come back. But the chances of that are very slim to none.

I REALLY need to let her go and move on...but it is SO hard when you love the person SO much and the reasons for the divorce where things that could have changed, if only she would have stuck it out. I made her feel alone and didn't do enough things with her because I was stubborn and dealing with anxiety issues.

That is what makes it so hard on me, we divorced over things that could have changed and lead to a MUCH, MUCH better marriage. But she says she just "grew apart and out of love" and should have spoke up earlier before checking out on me.

It is just so tough. I wish I could see a light at the end of the tunnel of all of this...

Paul D,

I feel your pain, my wife and i are legally separated. i know all the things i have done worng and could only promise her a different relationship, one that wuld be better that before and everlasting. Your first styatement is so very true about being relieved..... She can only see 2 inches in front of her face but when she can see more clearly a new set of issues arise. (LONELINESS).

I hope that we can work it out. I have gained an incredible, undestructable love for my wife. I hope some day she will notice it......

Sorry Paul,

I got divorced from my first W when I was 31, (no kids) didn't really date anyone for a while, then I met my current wife (differant lady) about a year later.
We've been married 12 years and have 3 kids.

Hope that explains it.
JS