|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 201
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 201 |
My story skinny version - here for the 2nd time - H met someone on 2-week business trip, wants D - this is not a fling....talked to H last night, he just repeated what he wanted and says he doesn't feel the same way about me...
I got sneaky and saw TXT message from OW - 'goodnight, sweetheart, sweet dreams, i love you' ?!?!?!?Wanted to die right there~~~!!!!
I am doing everyting wrong - crying, begging, trying to talk some sense into H - he is deep in fog - talks to OW daily....please please help me plan A!!!
MPELE
Me 37, H 38
Dated 5 yrs, M 5/2002
15 yo DD
DDay 1 - 9/2002 OW 20 yo relative of H's friend
DDay 2 - 6/5/06- met OW on 2 week business trip, knew for one week - wanted D. A continued via phone/txt through 9/2006
NC Since 10/2006
DDay 3 - 8/2/08 - OW#1 has slithered back into the picture
Plan D
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
OK, stop crying, begging, trying to talk some sense into H.
Is this the same OW?
WAT
------------------
NEWS?: Humans and dinosaurs did not cohabitate.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 201
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 201 |
Same OW as D-Day 2, yes...no contact with OW #1 for years...
Me 37, H 38
Dated 5 yrs, M 5/2002
15 yo DD
DDay 1 - 9/2002 OW 20 yo relative of H's friend
DDay 2 - 6/5/06- met OW on 2 week business trip, knew for one week - wanted D. A continued via phone/txt through 9/2006
NC Since 10/2006
DDay 3 - 8/2/08 - OW#1 has slithered back into the picture
Plan D
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
So what wasn't fixed after OW #1?
- or is he simply a serial cheater?
WAT
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 201
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 201 |
We never got the help we should have after OW #1, so I don't know that I would label H a serial cheater...
actually H did more of the 'right' things - gave me all access to email/voicemail passwords, never went anywhere w/o telling me...
Whereas I wallowed in resentment (and wine) and for the past 4 years did nothing but look over my shoulder and accuse him of being up to something...I know I am not to blame for #2, but I do know I was miserable to live with.
Me 37, H 38
Dated 5 yrs, M 5/2002
15 yo DD
DDay 1 - 9/2002 OW 20 yo relative of H's friend
DDay 2 - 6/5/06- met OW on 2 week business trip, knew for one week - wanted D. A continued via phone/txt through 9/2006
NC Since 10/2006
DDay 3 - 8/2/08 - OW#1 has slithered back into the picture
Plan D
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
Then you know what to do.
I also suggest you get some professional IC and anti-ds to help you cope.
Wanting a D after knowing OW for one week screams that she's merely any port in a storm.
Get ahold of your emotions and re-play what you did last time - or improve on it.
WAT
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 201
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 201 |
Thanks WAT -- but I dont even remember right now what I did last time - - to plan A today...stay calm? Talk to H in general conversation, no accusing, no crying, etc....do my own thing? Yes? No? I just want to do this and follow through this time..that was my worst problem before, I could be an excellent plan A'er for like 48 hours and then I'd crash and burn - and burn badly.
Port in a storm, no kidding...and it gets better - she lives 1600 miles away in another country...but from her TXT messages she obviously knows what's going on here - asking H if he is still 'fighting' and is he moving out...
at least I have proximity going for me.
Me 37, H 38
Dated 5 yrs, M 5/2002
15 yo DD
DDay 1 - 9/2002 OW 20 yo relative of H's friend
DDay 2 - 6/5/06- met OW on 2 week business trip, knew for one week - wanted D. A continued via phone/txt through 9/2006
NC Since 10/2006
DDay 3 - 8/2/08 - OW#1 has slithered back into the picture
Plan D
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
Yes Plan A today. Yes stay calm and no begging, crying, pleading, etc. - if you can help it. We all know it's not easy.
Any exposure opportunities? What worked/didn't work last time?
If you're pretty sure he isn't a serial cheater, you have an "advantage" of sorts knowing about what worked the last time. You also know what didn't work the last time - not following through to fix root cause issues.
Plan A your butt off - this time with a follow through.
So, 'spose OW is just looking for a sop to get her into the country? Wants him to move out so she can join him?
Are you a SAHM? i.e., if he moves out he'll have to continue to carry home expenses + whatever he moves into?
WAT
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 201
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 201 |
Thanks again - - -plan A is in effect <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I do think OW is looking for an in to the U.S., totally - of course H says that is completely untrue, lol -well duh, she's not going to TELL you that! He claims she is happy there; so what? HE'S going to move to Mexico??? Argh.
Me 37, H 38
Dated 5 yrs, M 5/2002
15 yo DD
DDay 1 - 9/2002 OW 20 yo relative of H's friend
DDay 2 - 6/5/06- met OW on 2 week business trip, knew for one week - wanted D. A continued via phone/txt through 9/2006
NC Since 10/2006
DDay 3 - 8/2/08 - OW#1 has slithered back into the picture
Plan D
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
BTW - your H is pretty old - almost as old as JL. - speaking of fossils. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
What's his secret?
WAT
-------------------
All fossils are transitional.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
250
guests, and
30
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,659
Posts2,323,613
Members72,372
| |
Most Online9,682
May 13th, 2026
|
|
|
|
