My story is under 1st Post: Desperate for help! It might help with suggestions for my questions.

I have read over the Plan A & Plan B today more carefully. I think I’ve done most of Plan A and need to move towards Plan B, but I’m not sure. I still don’t feel I’ve had that clear conversation of how I feel about things and where I think things need to go. Do I push for it?

We talked at the beginning of our separation & my H was pretty willing to meet with me at the drop of a hat. He kept telling me I’m his best friend and never wants that to end. I don’t either but in reality, I’m in love with him & if he divorces me I just don’t see the friendship thing working out the way he has planned. I informed him of this and since he has put more distance b/t us. He takes/makes general phone calls but that’s about it. He’s not allowed at the house b/c of the TRO. I put in an agreement for it to be lifted where he can come to the house if I’m here. He told me it makes him look like an *** and didn’t think he would sign it.

I’m in a panic b/c we could already be divorced. Our 60 days has passed but neither of us has pushed anything forward to get the process moving along. I DO NOT want a divorce. I want to reconcile and go on with our lives. He’s still in the fog & I’m confused and crushed.

Do I keep begging for the long chat & then start Plan B or just go right into Plan B? Please help!!

No begging. It's never pretty right?

Instead you should finish your plan A so that you are sure of yourself. Identify your boundaries, know your options, secure your financies and establish your personal support group.

If you gotta deal with the Ws, learn to reverse babble and know it is ok to keep the WS off balanced.....they are anyway u know. LOL!!!

What have you read? Surviving an Affair? His Needs/ Her Needs? Love must be tough? Boundaries?

Do u have an MC familar with MB principals?

Get yourself a plan. Put your mind and heart in sync b4 u g/t plan B.

JMHO,
L.

what is the bottom line with the r/o

do you have one on him
does he have one on you?
when do they expire......

no more begging for long chats...
can you start emailing him...
small short things...

I was in the back yard today and was thinking about the time you and I went away to _________________blah blah ..
short somewhat sweet memories ......

what are his "reasons" for the affair...

I am so so sorry about the loss of your baby....
how did grieving go...

did he grieve

is he stuck somewhere in the sad process...

can you up the contact without a peep about the relationship...

can you take him something at his work...
can you go there and bring him a favorite dessert and leave it for him with NO expectations...
maybe not even see him...etc.....

can you plan A for a couple more weeks ...and really do it..

that's what you need to decide..

ARK

oh yeah what about exposure....

We both have r/o on each other. Basically we can’t change anything financially, insurance, etc. He tried to sell all the “toys” right from the beginning for a $1. He has a car and I have mine along with the toys & valuable items he was going to liquidate.

I don’t care about any of it. I was looking at the bigger picture of things thinking we might need some of them if we get into financial binds over the divorce stuff. He sees it as me trying to “take it all”. They don’t expire until the divorce is final. Neither of us have done anything to make the process move along- I refuse too!! But, I can’t stop him.

I think a big part of the whole issue at hand has to do with losing the baby. He didn’t grieve. He told me he had to be the strong one. His other comment a month later or so was that I shouldn’t refer to it as a baby b/c it died. It was a GIRL! We had already named her.

I will try ANYTHING!!!!! I just feel like he’s so distant right now & I feel like the more contact I make the more frustrated he gets with me. We only talk about once a week now & it’s usually ONLY about mail, phone messages, etc. On Monday, I did not appreciate him bringing her around here over the weekend doing “our” things. He had no response other than he’s just trying to go on with his life.

Haven’t talked to him since but he did TM me late last night to let me know he put some $ in the PO Box. Odd! He usually just leaves it there & I find it. He also did it “late” which is stated in the r/o he’s using as his bible for our contact right now.

Do u see a need to stay in plan A?