Long story short...my H is pretty well known in the fishing community in our state. OW also is. They have had NC since last July. During their A, H got her to join his club. She has not been to a meeting that he's been at since last June, but she went to one when we were gone in April. She told him during the A that she would quit if they ever broke up, but instead of leaving like she said she would, she renewed her membership in Jan. H is President so he told the Board they had to choose between him or her. Well they ended up kicking her out...SHE'S PISSED...GOOD.

Well "someone" has posted to this large public fishing forum and has started to trash my H. It's her. Also I believe she is stalking him because she knew exactly what he did when he came in on Sun with a record fish. (Several scales were used because the first one was not calibrated within the year, so he tried a couple others and they were all so off he had to go find a certified digital scale). No one could have known this unless they were watching.

For those who don't know my sitch, OW is in the Coast Guard and I never exposed to her CO. Well now I'm ready if I can get proof that she is harassing my H. Enough is enough.

So my question is how can I find out the identity of this poster? Do I need a lawyer and a court order? Or is this impossible?

The moderator of that forum actually deleted the thread and commented how it was set up to trash my H. He could see the multiple screen names of the poster.

Any advice is appreciated.

I suggest you ignore her and not spend any energy on her. She'll either 1) give up, or 2) do something really stupid which will then give you enough ammo to get a Restraining Order against her.

Did you and your H send a NC letter?

Did you print out the thread?

I`d be tempted to leave this alone too for now...

But I`d start a paper trail just in case.

Don`t go looking for trouble but keep a record just in case she does start to really go off the deep end.

You`re not surprised by this are you?

WAT,
Yes NC letter was sent certified. I tracked it and she picked it up. Then she put her own letter back in it and gave the letter back to the PO and wrote return to sender. We got the letter back. It appeared unopened, but her letter confirmed that she had read it.

Daisy, No this doesn't surprise me. She is crazy, but I will stand for only so much. She has pulled other things that I cannot prove were her doing. So if I could just get something concrete...


This has just gone on for too long. I'm done being nice.

Don't blame you. I don't think anyone here would argue that you should be nice.

Just be smart.

Stay the high road and let her screw up. If she's as crazy as you think she is, she will. If you react to every thing she does, she gets positive feedback. She wins. Ignore her and she'll have to up the ante to get noticed and then she'll screw up. She'll do your work identifying herself and providing evidence for you.

JMHO

WAT
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Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC)

Hi Michele,

You have already heard my take on informing her CO of these actions. I would call the CO without solid proof of these current events, but give the CO the history with the disclaimer "If it doesn't stop immediately, action will be taken".

Explain you only want her out of your lives.

That will probably be enough to get the CO's attention, and a verbal response to OW.

As for the msg board. The moderator can see the IP address the posts came from, and as mentioned if she has multiple names coming from the same IP. Tracking IP to serivce provider to user requires lots of legalities. Short of child porn, theft, etc... It's probably not an option.

Michele, I very much agree with JustKeepTrying. You have been patient enough and there should be consequences for her continual harrassment. This may just be the thing that wakes her up. She is one scary woman!

WAT,
I know you're right. But we've been trying to ignore her for a year now... I know...Be still.

JKT,
I was afraid that it would take an act of congress to get that info. Oh well.

You don't think that her CO will laugh in my face? I've heard some terrible cover up stories in the military. Seems to me that they would not take this seriously unless I had solid proof of the harrassment. But I do have solid proof of the A.

Mel,
She is a scary woman. The local paper was going to do an article on her recently. They called my H because they heard rumors of her ejection from the club. He basically told them "no comment". Well yesterday the paper called again and told him that they weren't going to run the article because since then the reporter has been called anonomously by people telling him bad things about her and that she has been harassing my H. So the reporter said that if we ever press charges that he would print that. It would be newsworthy. How 'bout them apples?

This is all so crazy. She's in another world.

didn't read all the reponses, but saw she was CG. Report her to her post. they will take care of the rest!

She's kind of loaned out from the CG to the uniformed public health division. It's a little squirly. I haven't been able to find the top dog yet. But I'm looking hard.

Michele,

The CO will NOT laugh in your face. That persons main responsiblity is to keep this kind of thing under control, not to mention when things like this get out of hand, and the CO's boss gets informed of this type of activity it makes the CG, and the chain of command look bad.

I have no concern you will need the following, but...

If you feel you are not getting the attention you deserve inform the CO you would like his/her commnders name/number, you do have the email info for your senator/congress office. Also an interested reporter.

I would also wager due to the type of person you are dealing with, this may come to no surprise to the command.

Also make mention the reporters interest, that would be the CG's biggest fear. They have no desire for something of this sort to become public focus.

As you mentioned, with the proof of the A, common sense will tell the command you are not making this stuff up. Just tell the cliff note version of the whole story to the CO, then ask "If we continue to have a problem, who should we contact"?

Forget about who she is on loan to. Contact her CO, stick with the military chain of command.

If you need assistance locating the CO, email me at the addee in my profile.

If she's in the CG, then she's subject to the UCMJ which has an punitive article forbiding adultery. I don't have the article number in front of me but you can search it in google. I would also mention the harassment, instability and behavior that is contrary to the CG's core values of "Honor, Respect and Devotion to Duty."

I don't think you need to go right to the nuclear option of notifying your congressman and the press right away. See how the command treats this case. What's her rank, does she have a security clearance or handle medical cases? Adulterous behavior is something one could be blackmailed for, the perpetrator shouldn't be trusted w/ classified or personal information because they have proven to be dishonest and untrustworthy - more good buzz words to use in passing the info to the CO.

Contrary to what some people may think, the vast majority of people in the military hold themselves to a very high moral standard. That's why I don't believe the accusations against the Marines in the Haditha case but that's another discussion.

V/r,
No Way

JKT,
I'm glad to hear you think this would be taken seriously. I may need your help and I will email you if I do. See, she's CG, loaned to uniformed public health and working at a naval hospital. I have no idea who her co would be. Would it be the CO of the hospital?

No way,
She's a LTCMDR. She's a dentist. Any info you could supply would be appreciated.
Thanks everyone for the help.

then nowonder she's causing you pain...SHE'S A DENTIST!

I'd also have a lawyer contact the forum manager...see if there is a legal venue to obtaining her identity and if it is her. it probably is the ow on that forum as you said the person had multiple screen names.

get a pi. see if ANYBODY IS FOLLOWING YOUR H...find out. that's big stuff. and tie it in to legal stuff w/ the computer.

get the dentist jailed for stalking. and for well causing pain in general. sorry, but I am not a fan of dentists. although I had this one dentist in my twenties...he was sooo cute...but still painful!

Michele,

My very dear friend's H is a very high ranking officer in the CG....Did she go to the CGA? He is about your WH's age....They are stationed in VA.

Regards,

BB

Justpeachy,
I have asked the moderator what I would need for him to give it up. No reply. I might just hire the PI.
LOL...my H's a dentist too.

Brit\'s Brat,
I don't think she went there. I think she "transferred" into CG from Navy a few years back. I don't know the specifics, but she did start in the Navy, now she's CG.

sorry bout the dentist thing. maybe it's something I should work on too...dento-phobia. fear of the sound of the drill! lol. remember "to be a dentist" song in a musical sung by steve martin? the motorcycle riding pain loving dentist in little shop of horrors? was hilarious.

i think it's gonna take a pi along w/a lawyer to end this.

I think you're right.

LOL



[color:"blue"]MEL [/color] has .... ummmm.... experience with OW/dentist/hobags

this will be interesting when Mel replies

>sit & wait<

Pep <~~~ munching popcorn