WH can get fired for A since it's against company policy to have interoffice relationship. OW is co-worker. Ideally, I would want the OW fired because she's a complete witch, knowing that WH is married.

WH's work is his only source of income. He'd be so ticked if he lost his job. He threatened me in April not to tell his work. I am worried about WH's anger towards me especially since he has a violent friend who is completely mentally unstable. If WH doesn't get mad at me, his friend will inflict some sort of harm. His friend is a lunatic.

I have a friend who offered to report A to his boss. I thought this may be a better option to take because it wouldn't be so blatant.

Would an anonymous call be safer than my personal call? WH will approach me about it but I can deny it because many of my friends know. Then again, it doesn't guarantee anything, especially if WH's boss loves WH. Also, WH and OW might have already thought of a sick plan to dodge the accusations. If so, then I'm going to need to expose the A myself. The impact is much greater if I did it myself then leave it in the hands of someone else, but, so is the risk.

Sigh, what should I do?

Have you exposed WH at work? If so, how did you do it? Did it work?

Thanks for your help.

R2W, if you're concerned about your WH or his buddy getting violent, do you have a friend or a family member who can stay with you until you are sure of everyone's reaction, or someone you can stay with? Frankly, WH's are frequently consumed with fury at having been exposed, but I can't recall a single instance when it turned physical. If you think he might get violent, take steps.

The same thing applies to WH's buddy. I'm not sure WH's buddy would be motivated to even discuss the situation with you because he'll see this as something WH did wrong, not you. If you have fears about the buddy reacting violently, though, take steps to protect yourself.

r2w - what's your employment status? If H gets fired, does that leave you without income?

Let's review the landscape:

- H has already moved out.

- You have already exposed elsewhere, including to his parents yesterday.

- You are young and have no children with him and have been married a relatively short time.

- H works with OW and one or both may get fired when exposed.

- You fear retaliation if it's known you exposed to the employer.

Does that pretty much capture it?

I suggest you see what happens over the next couple days after your exposure to the parents. He'll know you exposed to his parents. He should worry you'll expose to the workplace. This is why I suggested the parents first a few days ago.

If nothing positive occurs with the parent exposure, you should expose to the employer. An option exists to do it annonymously. But even then, your H can assume you did it since, afterall, you exposed to his parents. How low will you stoop? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Then you immediately go to Plan B and begin moving on with your life. Workplace exposure will work or it won't; he'll get fired or he won't. There are no guarantees. He may get fired AND not end the affair. Poor baby!

I'm with Longhorn on the threat of retaliation.

I guess my point is that you have nothing to lose with the workplace exposure. If the parental exposure doesn't work, meaning he should expect you to next expose to the workplace, meaning he's judging he won't lose his job, then why NOT expose there? The outcome may be no different, but you can then go into Plan B knowing you did everything at your disposal.

JMHO

WAT

WAT,

I've been financially independent since he moved out so there's no loss for me, fortunately. It will be entirely his loss. This is why I think my in-laws may turn against me if he loses his job. He's paying close to $1K for his stupid apartment. It would be catastrophic for WH but he should have thought about it before sleeping with OW.

My accounts are separate from his except for a joint savings account which I think is a CD.

I changed the locks last Saturday but I had the worst nightmare last night that WH was trying to break into our house. It was horrible. He still has his important documents here. I should be burning them. He never asked for them back so his loss.

BTW, what does JMHO mean I'm a MB newbie so I'm still learning...

RTW, "JMHO" is shorthand for "Just My Humble Opinion."

I think you're absolutely correct in exposing to WH's workplace. I'm adamant that one should never shield a wayward spouse from the consequences of their adultery.

However, please don't even consider destroying important documents belonging to your WH. You and I both know that would be spiteful and vindictive and you're above that. You're exposing this obscene adultery because it's part of a strategy to get your husband back home, out of his adultery, and recommitted to you and the marriage, right? Stay on that high ground, R2W. Don't take the low road, okay?

JMHO = just my humble opinion

No you shouldn't.

You're not stooping to his level, OK?

How big is that joint account? Regardless, find out the details and if it's a CD, figure out the maturity. I suggest you liquidate it before any further exposure and Plan B and give him half, otherwise he can take it all without warning. In the same motion you can give him any important documents. Alternatively, take them to his parents.

Finally, if the in-laws become out-laws, oh well. You cannot control this. You did (are doing) the right things to attempt to preserve your marriage. If you were emotionally ready to move on, I'd suggest you NOT do further exposure. There'd be no need for it.

WAT

Thanks for reminding me to not stoop to his level. It's easy to get carried away after all the devastation he's created in my life.

Also, thanks for explaining JMHO. I'm expanding my vocabulary.

I waiver back and forth on whether or not to exposure to WH's boss. It varies hour by hour. I'm so conflicted.

Work exposure may work because if WH doesn't get fired cuz boss loves him, then OW will get fired. She's relatively new there. Oh, I want to re-introduce myself to her when I do expose at work. That would be awesome.

If u feel safer exposing via another source, go ahead. Btw, exposure may not be new for his boss. Why? His boss may already know of the A and tolerating it because he likes your H. But should it become more common knowledge THEN the tables may turn because NOW the boss may fear being labeled as an 'enabler' and that could tarnish his 'boss image'.

Be skillful and wise. U have powerful tools at your disposal. NO need to destroy documents or such....instead move them to a safe place (safety deposit box, etc.

Expose via the source of your choice. I would let the boss know via that source that u may be willing to share useful info where the boss could either use to help your real H or even protect the company's interest. See? How you present it can make the exposure attractive even to his boss. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Thanks, Orchid, for your advice. Very true about WH's boss being the "enabler." His lack of enforcement can definitely affect his reputation at the company. I never thought about that.

While WH is caught fog, I am totally caught in my own fog. Ever since my discovery of the A, I've been so foggy in my own life. It's terrible. I can't think straight.