After a year or so of suspcion and letting it go, talking and trying to reason with my wife of 15 years, I finally got a digital tape recorder and taped cell phone conversations in the car. I found that there are possibly two, one for sure, lovers. My wife has expressed her desire to "play" and wanted me to agree to it, I did not so she thinks she can do it behind my back. My question is do I tell her about the recording or just that I know? I think that the trust between us is lost, so if she says she will stop, I don't think I can continue. Is there a web site that goes over the process of separating, financials and then divorce?
Thanks for your comments.javascript:void(0)
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Welcome to MB.


I took the information I obtained from the recordings and deciphered a way to make it sound plausible that I had hired a private investigator to follow her around on a given night that I knew something had happened and left out all the details of what else I knew...only that I knew and the truth was undeniable.

The wayward will try to call your bluff. They will try to get every precise detail you know so that they can try to find a way to lie around what you DO know. Don't play the game. The gig is up...period.

I was fortunate in the fact that once the truth was pierced my wife opened up to just about everything. I was able to continue snooping with the same methods unbeknownst to her.

I bet you've already read the spying 101 thread linked to in Longhorn's signature. If your method is revealled you can switch to other effective methods. You can also use any of the methods described therein as the another "fake" method you got the details of her affair with. For example, after the private eye ruse, I was able to convince WW and OM that I had obtained a copy of every single text message they had sent each other directly from Verizon. Such was not the case, however, it was funny later when it was revealled to me that they later wrote in code and had "fake" text conversations for my benefit believing I was viewing them when I was not.

BTW, the "open marriage" ploy is a very common one. The WS is so stuck wanting the OM and the marriage they try to find a balancing method. Then later after you don't agree they still try to rationalize that they at least told/warned you they were going to cheat and thus are not responsible that you didn't agree. Whatever. Just stick to your guns. I don't share my wife with other men.

You asked about divorce and I think you should be preparing yourself for such while at the same time exploring whether or not your marriage can be saved. You are in far too an emotional state to make a final decision like divorce right now. Give Marriage Builders a chance...Plan A then, if necessary, Plan B. At that time, you'll be in a place to decide if divorce is right FOR YOU. You'll have the opportunity to make a sane, rational decisiion regarding your life instead of merely REACTING to your wife poor choices. Just think about it.

How old are your kids?????????? (Move your thread to Gen'l Questions II Board where there is more activity and answer there)

Mr. Wondering

p.s.-you did read Longhorn's thread for Newly Betrayed Spouses. If not...do it now.

p.p.s.- Good luck, you will make it, with or without your wife you will make it.

I think the first thing you need to do is have the both of you checked for STD's. Your wife has put your health at great risk. Your wife has told you she wants to play with others. Talk about counseling and also see a lawyer to understand your options.

Thanks Wondering and Bryanp. My kids are 6 and 9. I spoke to her about how I felt and that our relationship and kids were suffering because of her lack of interest. She said she would do better about being available but said nothing of the affair. I think I will try plan A while I check out other options. I did suggest however that we take some time to think about things to see if she would stop this but she did not like that idea. I guess she intends to carry on even though she knows the family is hurting. My feeling is if she is willing to risk everything and go ahead with her plan then the marriage is not worth saving. My trust is already shattered and will disappear if she continues. How can I ever trust her again after this?