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Joined: May 2006
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I'm thinking of moving to Plan B. I can't take it,anymore.
H is not living at home, but he is taking care of bills, doing the checkbook, etc.
In Plan B, do I stop this and take over the bills at my house? Do I get a separate checking account?
Do I call my lawyer and file for a divorce?
I have three kids, ages 17, 15, and 12.
Please help me. I'm at my wit's end.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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rltraveled, in Plan B typically the WS still pays the bills, but it is important to get your finances in order before you go into Plan B. Meaning that you work out a financial arrangement and get your assets protected. Sometimes you have to contact an attorney and get a formal seperation agreement to do this. And in some states where you don't have that option and the WS refuses to pay the bills, you may have to file for divorce.
But if you can make a financial agreements without contacting an attorney, I would do that. When you go into Plan B, you would be stipulate that you expect him to continue paying the bills and to make regular deposits in your account. If he won't do that, then you would need to contact an attorney. Just because you go into Plan B doesn't mean he is absolved of his financial obligations to his family.
How long have you been in Plan A?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
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Filing for divorce is not necessarily a part of Plan B.
As Melody said, in some cases filing may be necessary to protect your assets, but normally Plan B is a step you take *before* Plan D (divorce.)
Mulan
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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Joined: May 2006
Posts: 1,300
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Okay. Do I HAVE to write a letter? I sincerely believe that H is not seeing OW. However, he claims to have "strong feelings" for her, and says he just can't get that with me right now. Thus, he is more doing a Plan B than I am, staying away as much as possible, not so much as a hug when I do see him. He is very cold a distant, and I think, very depressed. He's on meds, going to counseling, going to church, but nothing seems to be getting through to him. It's very hard being "nice" when he's like this. I'm getting sick of it, and it just plain HURTS to give and give, and get NOTHING in return.
It's hard to say how long I've been Plan A'ing. I think I was doing it and didn't even know before DDay. D Day was 4/28, so I would say I've been doing it since then, with a couple of setbacks, of course ... talking relationship when I shouldn't. But other than that, I think I'm putting on quite a show. Doing Father's Day for him today. What a joke. One of the kids won't even speak to him.
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Joined: Sep 2003
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It would be nice if you could hang in there for another month of Plan A. This stuff takes a long time. Don't expect anything. I know, it's not fair.
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