no not at all i understand it cant be the same she thinks icant be the same meaning too much happened to come back ...
but i like the fact she is starting to say that instead of i want a divorce
she says that alot but its a good thing shes at leat thinking about what ifs

It is hard being patient. I mowed my lawn today and all sorts of thoughts roar through my brain, but I developed a good idea and I am running it by the board to start and see if it is a good idea.

Keep plugging along, jm. The montra that was always written over and over to me was to "be the best person that I can be for myself" and "PATIENCE!!"

Treat yourself as though YOU are the most important to YOU!! It takes practice and time. That means searching your inner soul, to look at who you'd like to be! Many of those things you practice to improve YOU will be attractive back to your WW. Think back to when you and her first started going out. Think back to when there was no pressure, that just your presence, was enough to draw your W to you. It is what you must be, but with improvements! And when the A starts to wind down....allow her to come to you!!! It works, but it is not easy....because of fear. Strike that fear when you can.

Going out is a start. Doing things that you have always enjoyed.....go do....even if it doesn't quite have the appeal it used to....it will come back!! Know this....and practice it....it will help your healing progress as quickly as it can....and as healthy as it can!!! But it still takes time! For me, it took about 5 months from D-day and about 1.5 months after FWW left.

There is a reason so many WW's or WH's seemingly try to come back after the BS has moved on.......IT IS WHEN YOU ARE THE MOST ATTRACTIVE, AND THE A HAS RUN IT'S COURSE!!! It will!!!

God Bless,
MWIL

thanks guys its gonna be the fight of my life but i see it can be done ,not always,but it can be so that gives me hope you guys give me hope and i love ya all for it total strangersa helping eachother where would we all be if this site wasnt here
im sure many who recovered wouldnt have ,people would be in the news for murder,etc
thank you is what im tryin to say

Your welcome! It is a pleasure and humbling to help others...when we can. I for one, could not have gone through what I did, without the help of countless experts, and folks going through this at the same time!!

God Bless!
MWIL

i hear ya and thanks again
im gonna be on these boards to support people for the rest of my life cause people been helping me through something i couldnt face
all the advice you get from fam and friends are to kick her to the curb but thats not how i felt
then there was mb and it gave me hope

in need of a question
just heard through a friend that she dont want to put trumped up charges on the divorce papers and i wont file what should she do?
she also told the same person she knows she will regret this in the future but to much has happened and we can never be the same
anyone know what that means is she stalling?
does she feel after everything that happened we cant connect ?
when she said i know ill regret his means something i just cant put my finger on it or what to do about it

They all say that - "too much has happened".

By the way, did you see JL's post?

does sayin she knows shell regret this make me feel i should act or just wait it out jl<justlearning>i will check it out thanks

wait it out

thanks as always

well i got news last night that her affair is still ongoing
and people see her with her brother on weekends alot so their tellin me she might be second guessing herself ...i guess good but who knows
also this person told me she might be waiting for me to come fight for her honor and rescue her.
i would love nothing more then to beat the %%it out of him too but is this a good way to go about this or should i stick to the affair will run its course...

My FWW said the same thing...."Too much damage to EVER try"

5 minutes ago, she said she's the luckiest woman in the world!!!

They live in an alien world my friend. Treat your WW as possesed by evil....and that is with love...some of it tough...but love.

You don't fight fire with more fire, you fight it with water.

Evil, hate, resentment, anger....all tools of the Devil....are to be fought with love, respect, understanding...all tools of God.....In the long run....God's tools trump those of the Devil.

And whether you are religious or not.....take this portrayal of this situation, and it WILL make you the best person YOU can be out of this ordeal.

MWIL

PS She may well be coming out of the fog....don't allow yourself to deviate from the ultimate goal...and that is to make a BETTER YOU!!! That may be enough of an attraction to draw her back to you.....BE STRONG, MY MAN!!!

mwil thank you for the advice and im happy to see youve reached your goal and may god bless your family forever.
the only thing i dont know is i hear people tellin me she is second guessing herself but at the same time tryin to rush a divorce
i have no contact with her its almost like she is plan b ing me??????????/
i really dont know what my next move should be?

The next move is your last move........MAKE EVERYDAY BETTER THAN THE LAST!!! FOR YOU!! You have to re attract your wife...understand that she can't feel what you feel. No manipulation of YOU...by YOU! Keep your focus on YOU!!! (And by the way....you'll know that you are focusing on YOU....when you feel you are becoming closer to God....or your representation of God) Get it???? I can't tell you how important it is to focus on YOU!! It's NOT easy, remember, there are opposites to everything in life. Good vs. evil...God vs. Devil Only one letter apart for Good vs. God and Evil vs. Devil.....and YOU can control the Good in your life through your representation of God. And for me that was ME!!!! I found the value in me that had been missing for a VERY long time!!

I don't mean to preach....I'm not a religious "nut", but it helped ME....and by God's graces, helped achieve the environment that was necessary to draw my W back!!

MWIL

preach away you guys and god are my only strength right now and i love ya all for it!!!
i just hope when i get through this i have the wisdom ive seen come shining through from reading your post.
i understand what you mean improve improve improve and dont do it the wrong way
btw my wifes brother had reached out to have a few beers and talk about this situation any suggestions on what i should tell him he is supporting my side of this mess from what i hear and he does have a big influence on her
this might be a good shot to plant some seeds any thoughts?
and thanks again

exposed to all and not a change i will be meeting her brother finally in the next couple of days and hes pro marriage so he will want to help,andthey are pretty close so if any body got any ideas for me to tell him please let me know
i also know the affair is ongoing and know this aint the wild wild west but i had warned him to stay out of my family and he lied to me,so i feel i should do something about this .....is this the right approach or let the affair die on its own?thanks in advance

JM75

Please be careful "about doing anything" with/to OM if children are involved. I don't recall whether you have children or not? I know that my son and daughter have saved the OM from a tail whipping like he's never seen before. I cannot allow myself to get out of control with him so that it can be used against me in court in our battle over custody. If I do, I will look like an out of control jealous husband, etc. I would be totally justified to rip him a new one but it would not help my situation w/ my children and would probably just make WW run and support him more at this point.

i understand totally .thanks
i dont have children invovled so it might be ok right??????

Be the BETTER MAN!! Again, he is the SYMPTOM to an ILLNESS your WW has!!! Doing anything to the symptom, may feel a bit better, but it doesn't treat the illness. Not to mention, the SIDE EFFECTS of treating the symptom could be FAR WORSE that just dealing with it.

It is evil that is getting to you.....he doesn't know you. If you had a friend that was involved with a married woman, would you go kick his a$$???? I would suppose not.

Eventually the anger turns to pity....acting on the anger does NOTHING TO IMPROVE YOU!!! AND THAT SHOULD BE YOUR GOAL RIGHT NOW!!
MWIL