mwil thank you i needed that right now ,cause ive debating it the last few days but i see what you mean even if i bust up this affair she is still affair minded...
thank you again but let me ask you do you have any advice i should say to her brother whos been waiting to meet me?
btw he is pro marriage so i think he wants to help and this might be a big step in knowing if were going to recover from this or not

That's kinda tough, jm....since you know her brother better than me. Demonstrate your strength and committement to your marriage to him. Other than that it will depend on your relationship with him up to this point.

i havent gotten back to her brother yet ..her brother and i aint at all close but theres a mutaul respect and he blew his top when he heard she cheated.they have been hanging around eachother alot i hear from ww cousin so i guess i just want to figure out the right things to say so he will have the most influence for me to date....
btw w wife called me 7 times today by noon i finally picked up and she asked me if i over drawn her bank account
i said no what r u talkin about she said some nonsense ,but in no way mean and said she will to go to bank and straighten it out
i told her to let me know what happened and she said ok
but she never called to say nothing else about it
i am getting real lost real fast ,and now im starting to think about another woman !!!!!!
this by far will ruin my life so i got to get my head straight fast!!!!!!!!!
we got to 74 days she aint here and im getting very lonely but the only people that come by to help <besides the guys who just want to get me drunk and in trouble>are women in her family who ive known forever even b4 her so this woman has been by here often not too often but often and we talk on the phone alot etc.
shes married and her husband is starting to think something cause weve been out pretty late on a few occasions ....nothing at all happened nor will it but we do flirt and even a few kisses on the lips and hugs but more as a friend fam thing but its starting to cloud my judgment and i dont know if this is wrong?

JM

Stop this now or you will hate yourself. Find your strength and dignity and stop seeing this woman, she is married. No more alone time with her period. Don't become what you despise, please....

i know it has to stop. i would or think i would never ever act on anything but i see your piont that this could and will only make matters worse

wife now just came by for mail which she never does,its the first time since even i discovered the affair that i teased her about things and she geniunly giggled ...
then she begged me to take all the pictures i got so she could sort them out ,so i said why do you need them you got the memories ?she said she just wants them and i said me too
when she left she called me again to remind me about her cousins birthday if id like to call and i said i already did ,we had some more small talk like shes getting more comfortable talkin to me again but once we got to the weather at the end she said yeah its been real hot latly thats why im waiting till it gets cooler out to get all my stuff?
i dont get this stuff at all
do i take it for what it is ?
or do i try to believe she wanted to hear me say lets work it out like ive said in the past?
anyone ?please i need some help

just fog or peaking out of it?
your opion

Be careful. She may want something. Keep strong and stay on your goal: Plan A. The A will self destruct (at least that is the advice I am getting). Doubts are setting in on the fantasy world.

How long has she been away? 3-4 weeks. Stick it out. Focus on something uplifting (like weights.) Terrible pun, I know.

Point to yourself and say, I am the best thing that ever happened to her. Rinse. Repeat.

Get that confidence up and let her see the new you. The more you practice the more it becomes habit.

Thinkin about you,

Get tough,

Brian

thanks for the warning
btw how are you doing brian?
my wifes been gone for 75 day s and im hoping the sudden wierd calls is a sign of hope but i guess i must wait and see

I have my good days (more frequent now) and my bad days. I still can't get over that my WS actually asked, "Why are you pushing me away?"

I think that is a perfect example of the fog. Waiting seems to be the best option. Forcing NEVER works.

I have the next 3 weeks off so I will spending tons of time with my kiddies. That is a good thing.

Brian

yeah i wish i had kids to keep me occupied
now my calls are coming everyday from her this past week when it used to be me calling everyday..i just dont know the motive behind them?
today was to call the uncle if anybody was familiar with this<i owed him money> and last week i gave her 500 ,and a few days ago i caved in and gave her the money for the phone bill
so i dont know if shes tryin to ruin me or since this is the only call she can make on merit right now theres something more to it
shes starting to get me angry and im tryin to calming speak through it but i dont know what i should do

No money. I know how hard that is...I have had to say no twice for money. It is funding her affair. Money will become a problem. If she needs money, she should as OM for it.

Sounds like she is trying to push you away, get her to justify what she is done. Don't give her the ammo! Stay calm and reassuring.

My WS went to dinner with old friends, one a FWW, and they both said the longer she has affair, the harder it will be to reconcile. Sounds like I'm not the only one who gets it.

there has to be a better way then exposure to bust up the affair no?i keep getting these weird dreams that were getting divorced ,and then suddenly were back together.before the affair i was getting dreams we were together and then she left me.so im hoping this is gods way of showing me the future like the first dreams 7 months ago.

Jm,

How are you doing? Don't give her $$. Remember whatever you do it will pizz her off eventually (yea even $$ cuz it will make her come for more)..... stupid logic but that's a WS 4 u.

So don't make yourself the loser by giving her $$. She doesn't have $$ for utilities, tell her u r sorry she doesn't have the $$, why isn't her A funding it like everything else? U can't be her banker. Don't give her the uncle's $$.

She will hate you no matter what you do so why give the $$ and hurt yourself? It is not helping your real W. It is fueling and funding the A.

take care,
L.

thanks orchid hope all is well with you.im gonna pay her uncle back cause it was for me and i wont take it out on him. i also decided against telling that cousin about anything cause it will give up my source of where i get the info..........also i havent got to see her brother yet i was thinking of calling him tomorow ,and this is the last of my exposure list so i got to give it my all any suggestions??????p.s he is very close to her and is pro marriage so i want to leave a good impressition

jm,

Pay back the uncle just don't use the WS as a courier to carry the funds to him.

Expose as needed and don't expect 100% support. Realize it is her family/friends and often blood is thicker than water (aka: truth of life). That becomes their issue. You will have done your best.

Keep busy ok? If you need something t/d, I got chores around this house. LOL!!! Of course you'd have to fly out here in the middle of the big blue. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> .....and yea... I let the worker's off for 'go to the beach breaks'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

you always put me in a better mood thank you for that
btw believe it or not her whole family is supportive of me and she actually stopped talking to them as well .her mother is really the only one who is sticking by her through this..her brother hit the roof when he heard what happened and i know he has her best interest at heart but i know when i do meet him hes gonna want to help ....as far as all her couisins etc i see them everyday and they have been great but thet dont believe in the mb princibals but resect my desicion to fight for my m
most of her fam told me no matter what happens the om is not welcome in their homes and will be family with me forever..thats nice to know

So r u saying that u don't want to come do some work waaay out here even if I throw in a beautiful sunset and a nice beach? Btw, I hear it's gonna be pretty flat (no waves) this weekend or low waves and better for diving and swimming than surfing....so maybe another time, eh? Hey we can always dream.

I recall when I was having a bad time during the A, an MBer from here could tell how down I was feeling and he took the time to send me on a vitual beach picnic. He wrote about a beautiful picnic on the beach and sent me there (virutally of course) so I would be able to relax a bit. He painted a nice BBQ plate lunch meal on the soft sandy shores with the waves gently swishing off the sand.

It was a soothing picture and I will never forget how it helped me out of a slump I didn't realize I had fell into. I was concentrating sooo hard on this A crap that I neglected my own survival and was slipping fast. H2Y picked me up that night and with him and a few other MBers....they saved my soul. I am deeply grateful to them for that help.

I couldn't locate that thread but will always remember their support.

Thought I'd share a memory or 2 that helped me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

thank you lunch was great...............