I am new to this forum. I found out about my husbands affair one year and one week ago. We were seperated for 4 months then we began to work on our marriage. My husband was an alcoholic and loved to party on weekends. I have been dedicated to my walk with Christ for 15 years. We have three teenagers, two in college now and one at home. They are exceptional teens. We have never had to worry about anything and we never went through the typical things with teens. They are very dedicated to their relationship with Christ. My husband had an affair for several months in the summer and fall of 2004. I found out about the affair June 2005. The affair was with my first cousins wife. They also have children. This has been devistating to our extended family as well. We are a large and very close family that interact together alot. Reuniting with my husband has been a strain on our extended family, but has been good for me and him. He has dedicated his life to Christ and has done a 180 degree turn on his view of life. I still have a problem that is getting us. I can't get the thoughts of the affair out of my head. I can't let the why's reat in my heart. How can I move forward when I am in secret agony as to why. I was kind, supplying his physical need, allowing him to live a different life without nagging him. We have been married 19 years, 20 years this year and I can't get past the why. I feel like I am going crazy. Can anyone relate?

Can anyone relate? multiple choice
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Votes accepted starting: 06/19/06 09:43 PM
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Welcome, dlhope...to MarriageBuilders...great place to find the answers to your questions...and to know you are not alone.

Have you read the Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts? There are links to the right of your screen...

You're wondering why your thoughts dwell on the A...when everything is different than before?

How is your Love Bank? What LBs did you identify in yourself and eliminate? How about your ENs? Due to his AP (affair partner) being a relative, how is no contact for life going in that department?

Have your thoughts remained on the A for this last year and a week, or did you notice your obsession spike around this time? DDay Anniversaries are very difficult, DL...especially the first...and I believe I had pre-DDay anniversaries...this was when they's...those statements that kept me sleuthing in my head during recovery--sleuthing in reverse...

Know the timing of your thought dwelling...and also know your choice. We choose our thoughts.

I think you would do well to post in the Recovery Forum...rather than here, Plan A and Plan B...your H is now a FWH...Wayward no longer....Formerly Wayward Husband...that's a badge he's earned...have you told him of your obsessive thoughts? Sharing your journey to healing with him?

Try moving your post...and I'll move mine...to Infidelity Recovery forum...more traffic...although you may want to consider moving it Infidelity General Questions II...which would pertain...and that forum has the most traffic on the board.

I promise you this gets easier with time...two years is average to recover from an affair...and I'm heading toward that second anniversary DDay in a couple of months...I know how much better life is now...how to control my thoughts...and learning that was a relief from a lifetime (I could obsess on anything...consuming myself) of doing that...

Please keep posting.

LA