my wife had recently had been caught in affair with another man from me .she was in the affair 2 and a half months.3 months ago we were trying to have a child and it is hard for her to concieve.ive been nasty since my gut feeling of the affair and she denied it to the end until i caught her.now she moved out and said im not the same person and she still loves me but cant be with me no more.i got her to hold off the divorce but she aint saying when shes coming back.she was never this type of person and the last year has beeen extremly hard on us with stress fighting name calling etc.i believe she broke down.i forgave her and said sorry myself for the past year but to no aval.please someone tell me how to make her relize that this is something in her head that she found a soulmate who i know is not and how can i get her to move back in our anniversery i july 9 and if shes not back then i know its over i really need help please someone reach out

JM75,

Welcome, you have come to the right place.
Sorry you are here, but check this thread http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3014240

Continue to post here in GQII and try to keep your posts in one thread, makes it easier for everyone to help ya.

thank you eagle

You're welcome. Callout anytime.

jm - please tell us a little more.

How long have you been married, how old are each of you, and do you have any children with her?


You can't make her or anyone else realize anything.

What you can do is change yourself to correct any bad juju in the marriage you are responsible for.

No - you don't know this. You may fear this, but you don't know it. Do not set such a short timeline on anything having to do with infidelity - other than introspection. Start THIS right away.

I am feeling you man. We are heading toward separation and she told me that she doesn't find me attractive anymore. Every attempt I make at trying to point out how it hurts me or others, makes her resent me and feel bad about the affair.

She should feel bad, but I don't want her to come to me resentful. I have focused on meeting her emotional needs and she has noticed Quote: "I think you're some kind of alien." I started meeting them for her, but in the process, I really felt good doing them and realized that I was changing for me. Divorcebusters calls them 180s. Bettering myself is making her doubt if she should be with him (I hope).

I still can't meet the intimacy need because I am not attractive to her. I am working on that though hit the gym (helps with the hurt) and started to act confident again.

Anyway, hang in there. I hope it all works out.