I don't know if this is just me or not. I recently responded to a post where I felt I had something of value to say for once. I was very honest in what I said in the hopes that I could help another understand some of the pain they were feeling.<P>Unfortunately, living through infidelity tends to expose us all to thoughts and feeling which really upset us.<P>Why is it that I find myself wanting to run and hide, rather than be open and honest when someone asks a question?????????????<P>You know, I am really sorry that I am not the "typical" betrayed female. Maybe then what I say and feel would be accepted instead of attacked.

Empty Shell,<P>I don't know what happened, but I wanted you to know that I have ALWAYS respected your opinion - ever since I've been here...<P>I know, it hasn't been that long... but some days it sure feels like it!!<P><P>------------------<BR>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<BR>

new_beginning -- Thank you for your encouragement. <P>I have been here for more than 3 months and have over 350 posts, sure feels like and awful long time for me.<P>I try not to post anything which will inflame anyone. When I am offended by things I read in posts, I tend to ignore that post. I am not very good at explaining things very often. So many others here write so much more eliquently than I. Every now and then, however, I read a post which I actually feel I can contribute to. I open myself up by being brutally honest, then what I say is misinterpreted and attacked. <P>Sometimes I wonder if any of this is worth it.

Stonehenge -- You were obviously posting at the same time I was.<P>I hope that you did not feel I was encouraging prejudice, or anything else when I responded to you. It is very difficult sometimes to be totally honest with those you don't know, or those who don't know you. I did post a reply on your thread and I hope it helps clarify what I said. I hope I was able to help you somehow.<P>However, it may be time for me to just shut my mouth. I don't know why I am so sensitive to this right now. but this really has upset me.<P>Good luck to you Stonehenge.

Mrs. Mush 4 Brains -- You never cease to amaze me. I can remember the time when you and I were "attacking" each other. I also remember very well the insights that you have given to me in learning to deal with what I have been through.<P>Then to find that you and I have so much more in common than simply the obvious. . .<P>Thank you very much Mrs. Mush 4 Brains for your understanding and compassion. It really means a lot to me.<P>God Bless

ES - Had to go back and find the thread before i posted to you.<P>One of the things I have found most helpful in this forum is the fact that the membesrs here share very honest and personal information, sometimes at the risk of taking a hit or two. Because of the nature of our situation, emotions are raw, feelings are amplified and it is helpful and comforting to know that others feel the same way or have reacted strongly in some other way.<P>I know how very much I have appreciated your replies to my posts. Your advice and support is very important to me as I know it is to others.<P>We all have our "tender spots" and at some point or another, someone is going to hit one. That should not be a reason to have to censure honest and caring opinions.<P>Don't shut your mouth. We need you. And you are accepted and respected by many of us here. <P>Just my thoughts..<P>Lori

Hi ES -<P>I think that your first posting on that thread was honest and well written. Another person also wrote of the same reaction and her steps to overcome it.<P>Lark chose to focus on it like it was the present and also made a point of internal references.....she was honest with what she was feeling..<P>Both your and the other person's replies were honest and respectful to Lark.....<P>So......what's the problem? This is good communication going on!!!!<P>There was no attack really.......just expanding on an internal possibility which may or may not have been the case with you or that other person ....could be for others though! That's why it is good that you responded with that excellent post that you did.......<P>Relax ES - all's well!!!!<P>Even if someone were to "attack" you about something.....so what? Everybody is entitled to an opinion. Don't throw in the towel because of it.<P>Enough on that - How did your Birthday and Anniversary turn out? Did you have two cakes or have to cram all that writing on to one? LOL!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<p>[This message has been edited by Sheba (edited October 02, 1999).]

lostva -- Thank you for your kind words. I do appreciate your response and encouragement to continue being open with my posts.<P>You said <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>We all have our "tender spots" and at some point or another, someone is going to hit one. That should not be a reason to have to censure honest and caring opinions.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I understand this, and have posted almost the same sentiment before. What is so discouraging to me in this situation, is that I tried very hard to say not only what I felt at the time, but also that I believe this behavior was unacceptable. Yet I was still attacked for being honest. This makes it very hard to want to continue to be totally honest.<P>God Bless

Sheba -- We were posting at the same time.<P>Thank you first of all for editing your post. I know the other person will apreciate it as well.<P>I really do understand people having different opinions, and for the post part I encourage it. What was said to me did not feel like an opinion though. It definitely felt like an attack.<P>I guess the bottom line is this, it is one thing to talk about generalities when answer a particular post. It is something entirely different to completely open up in your reply. Most if not all of us tend to censor our responses and are, at times, not fully able to explain themselves as a result. (I know I have been guilty of this before, so I think it is a safe guess to say that others have felt the same way before.) I also think I was pretty clear in stating that I do not believe what I felt was appropriate. I still got slammed.<P>As far as the birthday and anniversary are concerned . . . One cake, pretty small, only one candle and just said happy birthday. Otherwise the fire department would have needed to be called. We went out to dinner, but otherwise it was a pretty quiet night. Thank you for asking.<P>God Bless

Okay, open my mouth, and insert my foot....<P>Lark responded honestly, and so did everyone else on that thread, even some painful processing of thinking process that we have since discovered are wrong.<P>Tact required now:<P>Since we understood the thinking mistake, and are working to address that, perhaps Lark was helping in that area, but also was making a judgement call also. <P>But either way, I think that infidelity is the battle we choose on this board. And we must respond from our heart, or we aren't going to be able to participate and fully receive the bounties of healing that can be offered through this board.<P>So, perhaps we should really try to overlook some people's judgments, and realize that we all stick our foot in our mouth once in a while. I personally, wasn't offended. I understood completely where Lark was coming from.<P>And we do tend to do this, as all humans: group people, categorize, and creating "isms". Each of us has some sort of "ism" to overcome in life. It is part of growing up.<P>But, in America we overlook white priveledge, and that develops such strong feelings of people not in the "white" category. And unless we have been something other than white, we will never understand fully what that is all about.<P>But, again, I say, let's pick our battles!!!<P>Infidelity is the battle we have for today, not "isms"....<P>

Mrs. Mush 4 Brains -- You're right of course. I don't know, maybe I'm going through PMS, but this really has me upset. <P>Call me all the names you want . . . just be sure that the name fits.<P>Does this make any sense????<p>[This message has been edited by Empty Shell (edited October 02, 1999).]

Yes, I think I understand the names we were called, oh well. <P><BR>ES, because I do know where you are coming from, and I do not have the experience of where Lark was coming from, I guess I am saying I will give Lark the benefit of the doubt, and overlook the judgement, and consider the comments made as help, and move on. <P>Because - infidelity is the battle of the day.<P>You are great Empty Shell! You really make me clarify myself and understand myself well!<P>M4B<p>[This message has been edited by Mrs. Mush 4 Brains (edited October 03, 1999).]

Mrs. Mush 4 Brains -- Once again you force me to stop and think. Sometimes it justs hurts to engage the brain.<P>I think I understand what you are saying, and after re-reading things again (for about the 10th time)I think you are probably right. I could still do without the apparent name calling, but I am trying to learn from all this, so I guess I will have to learn to deal with it.<P>Maybe one of these days you and I could talk (E-Mail) about this some more. I would be interested in hearing how you were able to conquer this demon. I know you are still fighting with a lot of demons of your own right now, so until we talk again, let me say that you and your situation will continue to be in my prayers.<P>God Bless<BR>

I am feeling better this morning. Maybe the PMS has passed. Thank you all for you input. It has helped a lot.<P>God Bless