Greetings everyone!

I am a mom of two children...two boys ages 15 & 10. The youngest has ADHD and is a handful!!! I get no help what-so-ever (except for child support) from their father who I divorced back in 2000. Both of my parents are deceased so it's just me and the boys.

I have met the most wonderful man ever and we plan to marry. Here is the kicker. He has never been married nor does he have any children of his own. He wants very badly to be a daddy to his own flesh and blood. I want that for him as well, but don't see myself starting all over again.

I am 35 and looking forward to the quite time I will experience when my children move on to their own lives. Yet it breaks my heart to see my soon to be husband in tears over not having a child of his own. He does not push me at all about it, but I can see it in his eyes.

What would you do? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Greetings MyOwnCross!

First off, I think we need to step back and look at the big picture, granted I can only put together the puzzle from the few posts that you’ve had.

It appears that you had a long term relationship with your children’s father. Then sometime in 2000 y’all divorced at which time you met your next husband the smoker. Approximately a year ago, you were still married to your second husband. So sometime between then and now you’ve went through the entire divorce process, met a new man, and are now engaged. While I will address your original question in a moment, I first wanted to say that I am concerned as for your willingness to keep switching guys with little or no time to heal in between. If you read much, as you say that is your hobby, I think you’ll find that most all books STONGLY recommend waiting 1 year for every 5 years married to fully grieve and heal before moving onto a new relationship. I posted something about this a while back and would like to share that with you:

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I think you’ll find that most professionals recommend waiting/healing 1 year for every 5 years married. I believe that it is widely accepted that one will go through and must go through a natural healing process after the loss of a spouse whether it be due to death or divorce. Add to that the outside circumstances surrounding the loss, whether it be infidelity or abuse or whatever, and there truly can be a lot of external issues to deal with before dealing with all the internal issues surrounding the loss.

Below, I believe you’ll find the standard accepted model of the grieving process:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Steps 4 and 5 are where I’m going to place my emphasis. I believe that completing steps 4 and 5 are instrumental in having a successful relationship. Let’s look at them individually for just a moment:

4. Depression. This is the hopeless phase where anger, betrayal, resentments, and grief dwell. People my focus their grief inward and begin hating themselves, they may drink or do drugs as a means to cope. Or what I find more likely is that they date and engage in casual sex in an attempt to feel “normal” again.

5. Acceptance. This is when healing is completing, you notice that I didn’t say it was complete. In very humble opinion Step 5 is an action step. This is where one let’s go of the anger and bitterness towards others, as well as any towards themselves. This is where we have forgiveness.

My belief is that, at some point, you will have to go through all these steps. Now when you introduce a relationship in during Step 4, which a lot of people do, that displaces some of that anger and resentment. I’ve also believe that left undealt with that it then seeps out slowly and has an impact on how we deal with our partner. And who gets the brunt of our acting out, yes the one we love whether they deserve it or not.

So back to my statement, this is the point at which either a second relationship will fail, be miserable, or a person will make the decision to work through their grieving process towards recovery. It’s why most mental health people, after getting someone out of immediate danger if present, then go back and start looking for “unfinished” business in their lives. What they’ve masked or replaced.

That being said, do I believe that dating early dooms someone for failure, absolutely not. Especially if done with a keen awareness of self, where you are at in the process, a willing partner, and an effort to seek the end on Step 5. But along with that ray of hope there is also a cloud of negativity and that is how capable of choosing a good partner is someone going through depression? It’s an interesting thought and I have seen basic scenario’s:

1. They aren’t capable and latch on to whatever they can get and ride it for whatever it’s worth. Typically coming out at the end worse for the wear and now working through grieving the loss of relationship A and beginning the grieving of relationship B. And heck, they may even end up getting healthy through this relationship then look at who they are dating and say WTF am I doing with this loser.

2. They do have an awareness of self and see qualities in a partner that will not only help them through their process but also be a stellar mate when said process is complete. They are transparently open and honest with their partner and themselves through the early stage of the relationship which in of itself breeds an understanding of each other that is crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship. They come out in the end as a strong healthy person to find that they have a strong healthy relationship based on openness, willingness, and honesty.

I will say that option 2, as presented above, is what I believe to be not the norm but the exception. I, myself, got stuck on #4 of the grieving process for over 2 years. Once I plowed through it, step #5 came quickly and was welcomed. Had I chose to get involved in a relationship during that 2 year period, I firmly believe that I would either be grieving the loss of another relationship or in an extremely unhealthy relationship.

In an ideal world, we wouldn’t have to deal with this, but other than that people would wait till they were done grieving before venturing back out. But that’s not reality and is not often practiced. Several who’ve posted on these boards could expand on the need to finish grieving as well as how clouded ones vision can become in a ‘rebound’ style relationship.

I think that's wonderful if someone is able to apply it and follow it while working through the process towards healing. My biggest problem with all the scenario's is first the ability of someone to be honest with themselves while in a relationship getting their needs met; second, the focus to heal while dancing horizontally between the sheets; and third "LIFE". Life happens especially if you have kids and before you know it you turn around and it's been 4 years and you are still stuck on stupid.

IMVHO healing or shall we say recovery is a choice. Yes, I believe that nature is going to guide us through it but we can either choose to actively heal by dealing with all the issues at hand, passively heal by allowing nature to run it course interrupting it at various times with our whims, or quite frankly we can choose not to heal (I think my X MIL chose not to heal).

But here's the thing, did you take a class in "healing" in High School? or College? More than likely not. Something so common and useful to the masses and yet many of us don't know how to approach it. There's no great mystery in how to accomplish it, yet, I for one had no idea how to do it.
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So based upon what I said above, where do you think you were in the grieving process when you married your second husband? Do you think you fully finished it and have you fully finished it now? If not, then you also have to fully grieve the loss of your second marriage and honestly the grieving process is as much for your children as it is for you. Have you been in individual or family counseling with the boys for any extended period?

OK, that all said, now on to your question.

”””He wants very badly to be a daddy to his own flesh and blood. I want that for him as well, but don't see myself starting all over again….Yet it breaks my heart to see my soon to be husband in tears over not having a child of his own. What would you do?”””

What would I do? I would end the relationship immediately. It appears that you two have polar life goals and plans at this time. You are not enthusiastic about more children so if you do have another then it is highly likely that you will forever harbor resentments about being ‘tied’ down and responsible for another child for longer. Further it appears that he is not enthusiastic about the possibility of not having a child of his own and I guarantee you that he will forever harbor resentments if he doesn’t.

Marriage is hard enough without these core differences and quite frankly impossible/miserable with them. As for you, I’d highly recommend spending some time without having a man waiting in the wings, at least a year. In that year, give 100% to your boys and to yourself. During that time flood your reading list with wonderful books like “The Worlds Greatest Miracle” by Og Mandino and ensure that you are healed/healing and your self-esteem is at an all time high. Also read about and become an expert at relationships with books like “His Needs/Her Needs”, “Love Busters”, and “The Five Languages of Love” so that you are armed with the knowledge to succeed the ‘last’ time around.

I usually don't post in this section, but this thread caught my eye.

I didn't realize the timelines were so close.

Children... are a deal breaker. If one wants them..and the other doesn't want them.. or has some already..but is not willing or able to share another child ...with the childless partner... it's selfish to hang on to the relationship.

Everyone says it's okay...and learn to "live with it" ...but I know of a few experiences close to me...that exactly the opposite happened.

My best friend was married for 10 years... to the love of her life. He had 2 teenagers when they met .. she had no children. She bargained in her mind .. that she would sacrifice having her own children... to be with the love of her life. And for 10 years that worked. Eventually .. the marriage dissolved...because she could not extinguish her need or desire to have children of her own.

The loss of that marriage... is a pain she's never been able to overcome. That was 20 years ago .. she now has 2 daughters...and is a single mom. She loves her girls... and isn't sorry for having them.. but the loss of that marriage..and the pain of that loss...prevented her from every remarrying again.

Another example is my brother and his wife. It was agreed after 2 years of marriage..they'd start a family. Sometime during year 2 .. my brother decided he didn't want children after all. Two years passed...the marriage was deterioriating.. they battled over the deal breaker. My brother reconsidered...and they decided to try to have a baby. That was almost 2 years ago... 2 miscarriages ago.. and now they've stopped trying. My SIL has infertility problems that make it next to impossible to conceive or carry to full term.

Their marriage is in serious trouble.

True love... real love.. doesn't make someone sacrifice their hearts desire.

Thank you Bill for responding! (and what a response might I add) I appreciate your input.

here is a little history for you...I was with the father of my children for 15 years. We divorced because he cheated, was abusive, did drugs, drank, etc. To this date, we are friendly with each other because we have kids together. I am over him and all 5 grieving processes have been passed and approved.

I will admit that my second marriage was the biggest mistake of my life! I met him just months after my first marriage was over. His mother pushed us to get married. I had just lost both of my parents and had just gone through a divorce. Yes I was lonely and needed a family to call my own. However, they were the family from ******. This husband had some serious issues that I did not know about until after the "I DO". Being the Church Secretary that I am, well I didn't want to give up so quickly...I wanted to help him. After a couple of years and many fall backs, I realized that I could not allow myself or my two boys to go down with his sinking ship so we bailed. It's been over a year since I knew the marriage was over so I am past the 5 steps there as well.

I have been through counseling and am on my way to a new and healthy life.

Well it sure sounds like you met your second husband during Step 4 of the grieving process.

Now I do have to ask, partially because I am a crafter of words: you said "It's been over a year since I knew the marriage was over" So when was the divorce final and when did you begin dating this new knight?

What are your thoughts on what the 2 of us have said about the "baby" thing...?

PS... Have you read any Og Mandino Books?

Bill...the marriage was over long before the divorce became final last November. I met "the knight" in the Fall of last year. We plan to marry in the Spring of next year.

I am taking what you have said into consideration...ie what's best for me, what's best for my children and what's best for "the knight". I was just curious to hear other stories about one spouse wanting children and the other not wanting children.

I have not read any books by Og Mandino, but will run a search on him and see what I can find.

Thanks again!

MyOwnCross,

First off, I apologize if I come across as a bit on the abrasive side. I guess after 5 yrs of seeing the same song and dance, my patience wears thin. Obviously that an excuse for me…lol… but I’ll try to take some of the sandpaper off my words.

Let me ask you a serious question. Why do you think that majority of books written about relationship recovery recommend waiting 1 year for every 5 years married before entering into a new relationship?

OK, after a brief introduction here is what I see. You did not take time to recover after your 1st marriage. By your own admission you picked someone by mistake when you were needy, which is basically in step 4 of the grieving process. So you settled and as you began to heal from you first marriage you realized that while you were unhealthy, you made an unhealthy choice. As the good book say “Good begets good and bad begets bad”, paraphrased obviously, meaning that while you were in an unhealthy place you did not have the ability to choose a healthy partner. This is not even going back in time far enough to work through whatever issues in your life led you to choose an abusive addict of a first husband but believe me there was a reason and I pray that you have since found out why.

So here we are on round three. You met “the knight” and I presume started dating him while you were still in your 5 year marriage. I honestly don’t buy that “I knew the marriage was over” stuff as it pertains to the grieving process. Just like you can’t grieve the loss of a family member to cancer before they die, even though you may know it’s terminal. There is still a process that must happen after the death. So we’ll put aside the adultery implications right now and focus squarely on your health.

In the midst of ending a 5 year marriage, from which most experts would recommend taking a year off before entering into a new relationship, you met “the knight”. Do you honestly feel that you were at the peek of emotional health to pick the best partner? Your history has shown that you have not done this from a healthy place in your two previous relationships.

“””I was just curious to hear other stories about one spouse wanting children and the other not wanting children.”””

OK, well here’s the bottom line to me on that. You either need to get to a place where you are THRILLED and ECSTATIC to have another child or end this relationship before more damage is done to him, you, and your boys. You’ve described your fiancé as CRYING over not having a child of his own. That indicates to me that it is a deep down burning desire for him. One that can be suppressed possibly but not extinguished. If this desire is not met, based on the emotions that have already poured out of him, he will deep down forever hate you somewhere in his heart for taking away his dream.

Then we run into the second problem and that is you. There is reason you don’t want more children that is valid to you. What is it going to take to “Change your mind”? If you change your mind based solely on the desire to get married to “the knight” and make him happy then because of human nature you will be resentful of him during any struggles associated with the new gift from God. Somewhere in your brain these words will be etched in struggle “It’s his fault because he’s the one that wanted a child”. That being said, given that you’ve expressed NO DESIRE for another child, I don’t see how you can go from that extreme to being thrilled and ecstatic. And quite honestly, if you did, I would highly question either your reasoning or your emotional health.

So to me, this is a sad situation where I do not honestly see how a HEALTHY marriage could blossom from this foundation with life goals at polar opposites.

“””I have not read any books by Og Mandino, but will run a search on him and see what I can find.”””

If you go into the bookstore, they are typically in the Christian section. I’ve only read the one I mentioned but want to read his others as well.

Actually, I am the "knight" that you so specak of and I would never let anything come between me and the woman that I fell in love with. I know what we have found and after MANY years of searching.... being cheated on, taken advatage of, being lied to... I have finally found a woman that appreciates me wholeheartily. It wasn't her fault that we found each other so "late" in life. And so I am quite surprised at how many people put in their two cents and say "end it" without even knowing me or her whatsoever.

Everyone is different.... what happens to one couple does not automatically happen to the next.
--Jedd

Hey Jedd,

“””Everyone is different.... what happens to one couple does not automatically happen to the next.””

I’ve spent the last 5+ years reading about everyone who thinks they are an exception to the rules, heck when I came here I thought I was and exception, but have learned when you think you are an exception, typically you are the rule.

“””I would never let anything come between me and the woman that I fell in love with.”””

OK, kewl, I dig it. So are you saying that after shedding tears on this matter that you are now THRILLED AND ECSTATIC not to have a child of your own? You can’t make her want a child no matter how wonderful you may be, so if you a thrilled and ecstatic about not ever in your life being a father to your own child then it’s all gravy. If the thought of that brings you a pinch of sadness or pain then you yourself will come between you and her through attitudes and actions taken out of resentment. You don’t have to believe me, INVEST, in pre-marital counseling. And it is definitely a WISE INVESTMENT. You two are looking at a core issue that will haunt one of the two of you for the rest of your lives if not dealt with properly and in the end it is both of you who will suffer.

“””I have finally found a woman that appreciates me whole heartily.”””

That’s great, while you are here please take some time to read through the basic concepts of this site to see how to sustain that appreciation.

“””It wasn't her fault that we found each other so "late" in life.”””

I don’t believe anyone laid blame on her for finding you “late” in life. What I do question is if she is healed properly. According to almost all the books I’ve read on the matter she did not take the time to heal after her first marriage and thus ends her second marriage. In that marriage it appears y’all started going out prior to her divorce, so once again is she healed, is she whole on her own? I’m quite sure that you want this marriage to last forever, well there are some issues that need worked out prior to even getting married to have a chance of working out. Did you know that the divorce rate hovers around 50% for 1st time marriage? Did you know that that rate DOUBLES for 2nd & 3rd marriages? Why do you think that is? The two biggest factors are MONEY and KIDS. Obviously, y’all have at least one of those issue’s and it needs to be professionally settled prior to saying ‘I DO’.

“””And so I am quite surprised at how many people put in their two cents and say "end it" without even knowing me or her whatsoever.”””

I can understand your surprise, especially since you’ve never been married and probably haven’t read countless books on relationships, children, & marriage. You have to realize that here is a group of the “been there done that” club. What we are dealing with here is a KEY (HUGE) life goal difference. Those are not easy and more times than not do not get overcame. So statistically you are entering into this relationship with a 75% failure rate knocking at the door, add to that the KEY life goal difference, and what do you think the chances of this working out are?

Jedd, i know you love your fiance. But the rubber meets the road when you love her enough to honor her desire not to have more children.

Do you love her enough to:

1. Marry knowing the children she has now will be your only children?

2. NEVER cry or otherwise manipulate her to gently push her to give in to bearing your child.

3. Never use "sad puppy dog eyes" on her when children are mentioned?

4. Go 100% into the marriage never expecting her to have your baby?

5. Accept her getting a tubal ligation three weeks or less after you marry so that no children are accidently created?

6. Accept that if you marry this woman you will never have your flesh and blood children?

7. Do you Love her "so much" that you DO NOT WANT HER TO GO THRU PREGNANCY AND CHILDBIRTH. In other words, you care for her precious body and do not want her to get big, huge, stretched out, pushing a baby out in pain and agony, possibly ripping and tearing her body, and then making her raise that child, her third birth, for 20 years?

If you do not love her enough to do all of the above, then let her go. There is no alternative. I am a woman and you do not understand how difficult pregnancy, birth, and raising a baby does to a woman for 20 years.

PLEASE DO NOT EXPECT THIS OF HER AND IF YOU DO EXPECT IT, PLEASE BREAK OFF THE ENGAGEMENT AND FIND ANOTHER "VESSEL" TO BEAR YOUR CHILDREN.

dmiowopw

Also, i agree 100% with Lost Husband on everything he said. You two hit the dealbreaker and you must be able to love her enough to never have kids of your own. If not, it is OVER. Anything else will be disaster.

I would search my heart, and decide whether I could, happily and without looking back, have a child with this man. If not, I would let him go & find someone who shares his desires for a life with children of his own.

Sometimes loving each other is not all it takes. It also takes sharing some basic life goals.

Children really aren't something you can compromise on, and it is not fair to either of you to have to give up on something so very basic to your dreams and goals for your life.

Kathi

I basically agree with everything LH and Stella and Kathi said. Often, love is not enough.

Thank you to everyone who has shown an interest in my story…even you Jedd!

I do love this man with my whole heart and thank God every day for bringing him into my life when His time was right. Jedd is the most awesome, patient, caring, loving person I have ever come in contact with. He loves me unconditionally and I can’t ask for more.

As for the baby...he is not pushing me at all to have a child for him. I am the one with the guilt of not giving the man I love something that he deserves to experience. I did it twice for a man who treated me rotten and to this day has nothing to do with his children. Why can’t I give the man who would lay down his life for me the one thing that would bring him the greatest joy?

“””He loves me unconditionally and I can’t ask for more.”””

Please take time to read through the Basic Concepts of this site. I believe that only one is capable of “Unconditional Love” and that was the One who gave on the cross. Everybody else has conditions on their love based on their love bank. It’s obvious that Jedd’s bank is full right now, add that to the different chemicals in the brain during the early stages of a relationship and I’m sure y’all are happy now. However, those chemicals wear off and you are left with reality.

”””I am the one with the guilt of not giving the man I love something that he deserves to experience.”””

I honestly do not believe you should feel guilty for having a life plan/goal. Further, I think it would be unhealthy to make a decision about such a major thing out of guilt. Have you thought of going back into counseling?

“””I did it twice for a man who treated me rotten and to this day has nothing to do with his children. Why can’t I give the man who would lay down his life for me the one thing that would bring him the greatest joy?”””

Well if you took anything from my LONG post that included the part about the grieving process, then I would say that you still have not fully grieved and forgave your first husband, instead you masked it with other men, and now that residue is surfacing. Jedd is not your 1st husband, yet he’s paying his pentance…. Again, I would highly recommend three things:

1. Individual Counseling for you
2. Pre Marital Counseling for you both
3. STOP HAVING SEX (if you are) until you guys are married. Sex produces chemicals in the brain that cloud our true vision. Plus you don’t want to risk pregnancy at this point.

Because deep down you know that it would possibly be a horrendous mistake to bring a child into the world under these circumstances. And you don't want to risk making that mistake. And risk bringing such heartache into the lives of you and Jedd and the child.

Every time you feel guilty and are tempted to have a baby with Jedd, think about how you are going to feel on the day your child discovers that you didn't really want another child, but you had one out of guilt. Because you are fooling yourself if you think a truth that profound is not eventually going to make itself known.

As JL said, either get totally enthusiastic about the idea of having a child with Jedd (if that is possible). Or call it off now. The longer you wait, the harder it is going to be to do the right thing.

myowncross,

Hmmm....well I agree with everything that LH has said. I know he hasn't sugar coated it and that it's probably really difficult to listen to, but his logic is sound and I sincerely hope you'll overlook the anger it may intially cause, and take his words to heart. I especially hope that the two of you will commit to premarital counseling before tying the knot....and I'd also like to suggest a longer engagement. Please consider dating for at least two years....because that's the point in time when you're past the love struck honeymoon period and can really know who you're marrying. People underestimate the power of early love and how rosy the prospects look through the attraction phase of love. Those feelings are not sustainable and were never meant to be. Real love stands the test of time....so take your time. Be smart this time....and don't cut any corners.

I know we sound very discouraging, and because you're so happy and have found a wonderful man....it must feel confusing and irksome to be getting so many negative replies....but the purpose of these replies is not to hurt you....believe it or not, it's said with your interest at heart and a sincere desire to help you make logical decisions at a time when your reason can easily be clouded by idealism and your own biochemistry.

Your children have been through alot of chaos....slowing things down, getting good counseling, laying a proper foundation for a marriage...can only create more safety and security for them....as well as ensure their future safety and happiness. So the advice is not only for you....but for the children who already exist and have suffered from the choices of the adults around them.

But now I want to say a couple of things about the unwanted child issue. I too think that it's so important....that unless it's resolved in a way that both sides are not just in agreement....but enthusiastic....that it is indeed a deal breaker. Nothing else is fair or reasonable to either party....and especially not to a child who may be concieved.

However, unless you've permanently addressed that issue...like had your tubes tied....remember that unwanted pregnancies sometimes happen every day. If you are serious....then PLEASE take serious measures. If being "wanted" was what it took to have a good mother....my children would certainly have been out of luck. As it is...I don't believe that's true. So I feel a need to bring some balance to this issue.....because there are too many children out there who weren't "wanted" or planned and are nonetheless the happiest of accidents.

For what it's worth....and *eek* at the risk of clouding this issue however....I must be honest too. First, Please let me say that this is NOT a recommendation to have a child you don't want!!!....but I need to say something about "unwanted" children from experience, because I DIDN'T address the issue permanently or cautiously. I have had two unwanted children....desperately unwanted. The circumstances surrounding those pregnancies and births were dire and awful and the last thing I needed/wanted was another child! I thought seriously about abortion both times....that's how desperately I didn't want to be pregnant or have a child and both pregnancies/deliveries involved risk to my own life. (stella, before you give me he11 about that LOL....I got pregnant for my second child while ON birth control pills. My third pregnancy was a miracle....I'd been told it was impossible because of complications from the first two). Both children are the loves of my life, best things that ever happened to me, and are so showered with love, that the fact I didn't want them has not been the ruination of their lives I can promise you that. They are smart, beautiful, well adjusted....and dearly loved. And while I don't believe for a second that every mother has this experience....I won't lie about my experience just because I don't recommend it. Do they know they were unwanted? Well, they know I wasn't happy about concieving....but they've had ample demonstration of being wanted once they arrived and the truth is, it doesn't matter to any of us....is quite laughable considering my feelings for them. I can't concieve of my life without either of my two sons....they are incredible....too good to be true. And my first child? The one I wanted with every breath of my body? Well she tested my love and skills as a mother far more than the other two I didn't want....she's a hellion!! LOL And I wouldn't give her back either.

Loving each other is NEVER all it takes... that kind of love is short lived...and has no long term potential.

I'm curious at this statement:


...this implies...there is no choice.. infertility.. tubal ligation... hysterectomy... something that sometimes.. isn't anyone's fault.

owncross... has stated she CAN have children... and CHOOSES not to. there is a HUGE difference.

...and late in life ????? At 35 ... really ?

If this is forever and ever .. best of luck to both of you ... I hope you live happily together for many years to come. But if these types of issues are brought into the equation... after a year... that's stuff not to get defensive about..those are harsh realities...or this thread wouldn't exist to begin with. After all.. WE aren't the ones struggling with this decision...

wow i read all of the post and am really shocked at the response to the post. Love is love and you do not choose it or when it comes your way. YOU embrace it and love with all your heart. No book nor set up timeline can ensure anyone that thieer marriage will last. as far as having a baby my parents had me when my brothers where almost gone and it not any fun to have a quiet house. it can be that way when your old enjoy life enjoy your new love and lear4n from your mistakes. Take each other and never let go. You are very lucky and to the "knight" you can tell you lov4 each other live you live it doesnt all have to be planned.if a baby comes your way love it if not love each other most people dont get a chance to love like you two . enjoy it
good luck -s-

Thank you Summer26. You seem to understand a few things that most of the others here do not. Love and relationships reflect on life experiences and not exclusively from someones book. By some peoples logic anything written in a book must be true then, right? Far from it. And professionals know that people are different. What works for one person does not necessarily work for the next.

Also thank you for not "picking apart" each sentence that we had written. I (and my future wife) felt that we could not even respond to what was written for fear of being criticized in some way or another. That kind of defeats the purpose of posting here right?

We are still together and are happy regardless of the decision about having a child. We realize that losing each others love would only compound the matter and make our hearts ache longer knowing that we would have wasted true love.

Everyone that I know who has read this post has been amazed at what has been written. This post has been volunteerly requested [not by me] to be removed.

Thanks again Summer26 for caring to write and thanks again for not picking apart each phrase that we wrote.
Best wishes, Jedd