Update, and it’s a long one

Well, I picked her up last Thursday. She was chatty but cold. I did not confront her right away as she’d been on an overnight flight and thought it would be best if she got some rest first, so I dropped her off at home and headed for work.
When I got home she was getting ready to go out with (according to her) a female friend. So I decided to mention OM#2. She of course denied it at first, but after further pressing she admitted that she had met him a few weeks ago in a night club, they had been on a couple of dates and had shared a kiss on each one.

We were both very angry. Her at being found out and ruining her night with this guy and me for being lied to.
She said some terrible things to me that night and I just couldn’t help but break down.
After an hour or so, things started to calm down and she started to show some remorse. Although I was upset and angry I couldn’t help but hug her (I’m a sucker for tears) we talked for hours, and I got the impression that she is very confused and seems to be on a mission to self-destruct.
I am very worried about her, and I honestly feel the issues with the other men are only a symptom of the problem. I’m 99% sure that OM#1 is out of the picture and as soon as that ended she found someone else. It just appears like she has lost herself.
She has had many changes to deal with over the last couple of years. A high-pressure job (She’s a police officer), new circle of friends, getting married, and her parents moving away.
The next day I went to see her in her room before I headed for work. Again she was full of remorse and had not slepped all night. Even so I was still very angry and just said to her “I really don’t know where we go from here”
On my way to work I received a text message off her, which read

“I’m so sorry that I’m hurting you so much. I never meant for any of this to happen. I just wish I could get my feelings back so that it’d all be ok. So Sorry x”

My reply

“Wishing wont get you anywhere, your feelings don’t excuse what you have been doing, and your apologies mean nothing to me at the moment. I hope one day you realise what you are throwing away, and I hope if that day ever comes that I will still be willing to work on our marriage. But then again hoping is not going to get me anywhere”
Probably not the best thing to do, but I was still very angry.

The texts continued to come in throughout the day saying things like “I’m not proud of myself” “I cant believe you still want to work on our marriage” and “I don’t blame you for being mad”

When I arrived home from work, I found her crying on the sofa still full of remorse. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to her and went for a shower as I had arranged to meet some friends. When I came back downstairs she asked me if I was going out and then cried when I said yes. She then asked if I was staying out for the night and when she got the same answer she began to cry again. Once again I gave her hug and then left.

While I was out I received this text.
“Just so you know, I have just texted him and told him nothing gonna happen anymore. Not sure you want to know, but thought you should know. Have a good night”

The next day I arrived home and went to see her in our bedroom, she still hadn’t been able to sleep. I apologised for getting angry with her, but that I wasn’t sorry for finding out and discussing it with our friends. Once again I told her that I didn’t know where to go from here. Her reply surprised me.

Her “Can’t you just do nothing?”
Me “What do you mean?”
Her “Just don’t do anything stupid”
Me “Like what?”
Her “Don’t go and file for divorce”
Me “I am NOT getting a divorce”

After this she began to calm down and started to explain how her life just seems so confusing at the moment, and she feels as though she doesn’t know what’s going on and can’t explain why she is being this way.

Since then we have been pleasant but I still have not received any affection from her whatsoever.

The way I feel at the moment is just numb. I really don’t know if can/want to carry on much longer. I am still plan A’ing, but whereas in the past I wanted to do things for her, now I just don’t feel she deserves this from me.
I am still in love with the wife previous to the past 6 months, but this woman I barely recognise apart from the odd glimpse I get of her now and again. I get the impression that she feels she can walk all over me now and I will just allow it.
It seems like a lifetime since I was last shown any affection from her and I sorely miss this. I also know in my heart that there is still a lot I don’t know about what has gone on with these other men (I’m actually beginning to suspect more than 2)
She still doesn’t love me, but I feel she is making a little more effort (Not much though)

I just don’t know whether it’s worth it anymore

1. do not give permission or condone...keep your cards close to your chest...

Me “I am NOT getting a divorce”

change that to ...I am NOT going to thrive in a marriage in which there are third party interlopers....
that is not acceptable to me or to you...we are both worth much much more....

OK that's long and cheesy..but get the point...do NOT let her off the hook and say no divorce...keep her on the hook by clearly stating boundaries...

no OP
no third parties.
unnacceptable to YOU...
etc..

YOU...NO nights away from the house...

this is the exact time to UP your plan A..indirectly...

continue to be there..NOT out with friends...

I get that the laying on the couch crying ..the emotion is how a lot of us girls get attention..
I realize we use those tears.....for fleeting moments of validation...I think it is correct for you NOT to fall for it...

BUT
you must respond to the calm rational moments with heaps and heaps of praise....

you are NOT going to receive affection right now...after that emotional breakdown..she will retreat to lick her wounds....(we all do...)

in plan A expect NOTHING....in return...that you are expecting return is HURTING YOU and your plan A....

you give and give and plan A with NO expectations...

and if you force return emotion it will be meaningless and false...

she needs to really process and stew in her actions and their consequences...for it to be real...

I hope you praised her for no contact...
if she is making strides and you respond coldly etc...she will just go back to him...

your messages right now MUST be that you haven't given up on her...unless you have...then you should tell her so...

but if you haven't your job is to validate and praise what she has done right...

in other words she is begining to show signs of what you want......

and you are sabotaging them....

ALSO

you have to STOP your own impatience and sit back to view the bigger picture...do you want this to be OK now...OR do you want to really build that marriage that in a year from now looks totally different from what it is today...where you and she really lean on one another...and cherish eachother...

making demands from her now will get you empty returns of false remorse and emotion...

holding your own expectations in check will prove to her a man worthy of YOU and HER...

PLAN A...with PLan b in your pocket...

ARK

Thanks for your comments ark! Please keep the advice coming

I do still love my wife and I do want our marriage to work. I suppose I'm still very angry and feel I should protect myself from any further hurt.
I will try my very best to up my plan A, I'm just always worried she will feel she can do what she likes and I will just keep on moving on and treat her better for it.

Yesterday we went shopping for plants, she was discussing things we should do to our house in the future. Which I took as a positive (even though she insists that she doesn't want to work on the marriage!?!?)

I made her some lunch, cleaned the kitchen and I took her out some fruit juice while she was potting the plants.
I have only mentioned the OM once since the weekend and she just gets annoyed and rolls her eyes (nothing bad I just wanted an answer) and says "you knew the score, I don't want to be with you anymore" Then a couple of hours later we are discussing what we should do this christmas. It's just so confusing!

I agree, no more nights staying at friends houses. I actually told her the next day that I wish I hadn't done that.

Yes I did praise her and thanked her for telling the other man that NC was to take place.

I have not given up on her, but I do find I'm changing my mind every 2 minutes. Although if I'm being really honest with myself I know I love her too much to give up.

With regards to not falling for tears, are you saying I should talk to her and be sympathetic but not show any emotion, or am I to ignore it?

The last couple of days she just seems to be carrying on as though nothing happened, and I suppose I am doing the same. Is this right/normal? Should we be discussing the situation? It doesn't seem right for me to just ignore and carry on like this. Or is this something that we should deal with when the time is right? I fear if I try to keep going on about it every day that it's just going to push her away.

Should I be asking for dates with her? I was thinking of taking her to the movies tonight.

Yes ask for dates

Keep them light, and fun. Not romantic type stuff.

Yes you need to discuss the situation, but don't do it on dates.

Use short "sound bites."
I have only mentioned the OM once since the weekend and she just gets annoyed and rolls her eyes (nothing bad I just wanted an answer) and says "you knew the score, I don't want to be with you anymore" Then a couple of hours later we are discussing what we should do this christmas. It's just so confusing!

"A few hours ago, you said you didn't want to be with me, now you are talking about Christmas plans. I want this to work, but I don't do well with mixed signals, and I won't try forever if we can't come up with an agreement on how to make this work."

Get in statements here and there - then change the subject.
Watch her for signals - talk if she wants to talk. Listen to her, try to figure out what she is thinking and feeling. Think on it and talk to us before you make promises to her, or accept her statements as fact.

Now about you.
Ark touched on this too - you really need to do something about you.
I have not given up on her, but I do find I'm changing my mind every 2 minutes. Although if I'm being really honest with myself I know I love her too much to give up.

You need a plan, and you need to decide how long you are going to run it now, then run it and then look at things when the plan is over and make a decision on what to do next.

What you need to be is a light house, and that's not what you have been. More like foam on the waves.

If you do what to make it work, you need to:
1. Get a time line. How long are you going to try? A good plan A often goes from 3 to 6 months.
2. Read the material (Surviving an Affair) and the other books by Harley.
3. Write a plan based on what you learn.
4. Get counseling (phone counseling from this site if you can.) If you want the best plan, get help.
5. WORK THE PLAN ACORDING TO YOUR TIME LINE.

A light house is steady and constant. It doesn't get mad and turn off the light if a boat strays from the right path. She won't do well with mixed signals either - so quit confusing her. You know she is having problems - be a beacon for her on how to act. Give her a guide to come to.

Once you know what YOU WANT - then be constant in working for it. If you really want to save your marriage it should be done the very best way possible. Don't answer her with emotion, but with your pre planned response calculated to get the best possible result.

Make sense?

SS

Well, after reading your comments SS I feel like kicking myself.

I had a bad day yesterday, and although I tried my best not to show my emotions when I got home, I couldn't help but shut myself off upstairs and cry.
She came upstairs to see if I was ok and even though I tried to hide my tears she did notice.
After a while I managed to compose myself and went downstairs to sit with her.
I told her I was going to go for a drink with my brother the next day at his local bar as I've not spoken to him for a few weeks (due to him repeatedly telling me to move on and go to Spain) she asked whether it was to "pull the barmaid" (She knows she has a thing for me) Although I know she was joking I felt I needed to assure her that this was not the case, that I had far too much respect for our marriage to do anything like that, and that I was still 100% committed. She just nodded her head and didn't say anything.

She had been out and bought an Audrey Hepburn DVD box set earlier that day so we decided to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's. While watching I could feel myself getting very emotional, and decided it would be best to go upstairs to bed. She could see that I was upset and pressed me to talk to her. I told her that I needed to sleep on it but she pressed me further. I told her that while sitting with her I couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was and how much it pained me to see us both going through this. That even though I loved her so much I was beginning to feel I should let go and not put so much pressure on her "you're not putting any pressure on me" was her reply.
Even so I told her that although I wanted our marriage to thrive, I would never put up with her recent behaviour. I told her that I still loved her, and wanted our marriage to work but maybe it would be best if I began to move on. (I know... Mixed signals)
She began to cry and spoke
"I really don't know what's going on, 12 months ago I had everything I ever wanted. I loved my job, I loved our house and I was extremely happy in our marriage. I knew it was all too good to be true and that something had to give. Why couldn't I just be happy with everything that I had? Why did I have to lose my feelings for you?"
"You know I only met OM#2 because in my heart our marriage was over, we had split up and I thought I was doing nothing wrong even though I know it was"
"OM#1 was just a friendship and we never did anything wrong. It wasn't an affair, it just turned into a strong text friendship"
I said "but you still felt the need to keep this friendship from me, and lie about it for months"
Her
"I know, but we had known each other for a lot longer than that and because I never brought him up before I never felt that I should once we started becoming close friends"
(She is still in denial that it was an EA even though she has told me there was a physical attraction between them)

When I felt she was done talking I got up, wished her goodnight and went to kiss her on the cheek, but this time she moved and kissed me on the LIPS!!!!

While I was sitting in bed she came up and asked if I was still awake and if I wanted to talk. I replied saying only if she wanted to.
She came into the room and lay on the bed with me, repeating things that she had said earlier while crying.
Again I told her that I still loved her and wanted nothing more than our marriage to work, but that I didn't know if could continue to put myself through so much pain and that maybe I should begin to let go.
She tells me that she has been speaking to her friend (who is currently going through her own divorce due to her being a BS) telling her that although se feels her marriage is over she can't seem to take the big step and get a divorce, and that maybe the reason for this is that she does still want to be with me. But that she knows that it’s unfair to expect me to wait for months so she can make her mind up.
This went on for a few minutes until she said she'd better try and get some sleep. I said she could sleep in my bed if she wanted but she declined the offer, got up and gave me another kiss on the lips.

Yes I know once again I am sabotaging myself and I am giving out mixed signals.
I agree with you I really do need to formulate a better plan than the one I’m doing, and I really do want to be the lighthouse, but I just don’t know how.

1. Get a time line. How long are you going to try? A good plan A often goes from 3 to 6 months
I was thinking of doing this till the end of September as that would be a full 6 months since I discovered about doing a plan A. Although recently I have been tempted to move this forward I will try my best not to.

2. Read the material (Surviving an Affair) and the other books by Harley
I ordered SAA about four weeks ago now, and I’m still waiting for it to arrive!

3. Write a plan based on what you learn
I have no idea where to begin with this

4. Get counselling (phone counselling from this site if you can.) If you want the best plan, get help
Unfortunately I’m not able to afford the counselling on this site but I will try to seek out a better one over here.

I know what I want and that is to have a long and happy marriage with the most amazing woman I have ever known and the only woman I have ever loved.

A few questions

Should I go back on what I said to her about letting go and moving on? Should I explain that I was just upset and never really meant this? If so how should I go about doing this?

She is reluctant to go on dates and I believe it’s because she is afraid of giving me any false hope (hence the reason for the me moving on comment) Should I push the date thing? I.e. book something anyway and then ask?

Why are all my post’s so darn long? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Once again thank you so much for taking the time to read my thread and giving me advice. Please keep it coming!

Ok, I know I should have waited till I got a reply from my last post but she came on intant messenger to talk to me.

I've copied and pasted the end of the conversation.

Mintol says:
how you feeling today?
Mintella says:
ok. feel slightly better for having my nails done - like i said superficial sh*t but gives you a lift??!!
Mintella says:
how are you?
Mintol says:
I'm ok, but I'm beginning to regret some of the things I said last night
Mintella says:
like what?
Mintol says:
like me wanting to move on. The truth is the only way I want to move on is with you
Mintella says:
to be fair, we've both got head f*@k...its understandable that we say things we may regret. like i said in an ideal world, i will fall back in love with u and everything else won't matter - all the silly sh*t we cud work on, but i can't ask u to hang around forever in the hope that i will sort my head out - it aint fair on you!
Mintol says:
And you've not asked for that. That can only be my choice and I can only wait for as long as I feel I'm able to. At the moment I am not ready to give up
Mintella says:
ok...let's just leave it at that for now then x
Mintol says:
ok
Mintella says:
right, best go get ready for work now. have a good day and see you later
Mintol says:
you too
Mintol says:
xx

I've messed up again haven't I? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
I will do my very best to post on here before doing anything daft in future

Oh, one bit of important information that I forgot to mention is that I still haven't exposed to her family.
At first I decided to leave it a few days so I knew I wasn't doing it out of anger but now I'm not sure.
Should I still do it now and risk rocking the boat after she appears to be trying NC. Or should I leave it for now but if there is a relapse then contact them? If the affairs have ended what would be the benefits of contacting them? What should I say? I mean saying "look the affairs appear to be over but I thought you should know anyway" just doesn't seem quite right.
I am prepared to do it but would like to seek advice before I do so.
She is meeting some of our close friends next week for the 1st time since all this started and she knows they are aware of the full sitution. I feel she has been avoiding all our friends through fear of their reactions but this is for a hen party that is already paid for so she is going to go.
I think this will bring a bit of reality down on her, but as she is still in denial about OM#1 she will probably try to lie her way out of it, I'm not sure if she'll be successful though.

Well I'm home now and I found this conversation on instant messenger. This was going on while I was having the conversation above.

OM#2 says:
hiya you okay? x
Mintella says:
yeah not bad - you?
OM#2 says:
I am currently away from my computer.
Elroy says:
yes Im good - everything ok at home? sorted all the sh*t out?
Mintella says:
nope!
OM#2 says:
i hope i didnt cause too much trouble for you
OM#2 says:
oh dear
Mintella says:
nah, its just a mess, but that's marriage for ya!!
OM#2 says:
I guess so! well when its sorted out i'd still like to see you if you wanna so keep my number!!
Mintella says:
may be in about 2 years time!! surely you can't wait that long!!
OM#2 says:
But if you decide to sort it out with the hubb then hope it works out
OM#2 says:
i dunno about waiting 2 years but you could always give me a call lol
Mintella says:
Open-mouthed smile
Mintella says:
gonna get ready for work now...see ya later and sorry for p1ss1n you about
OM#2 says:
Yeah catch you later and and I don't think youve messed me about anyway, i know it cant be easy for you. Its a shame cos I like you. xx
Mintella says:
just a difficult situation...and thanks for being so understanding! will prob see you out and bout in Tokes (tokes is a club near us. She's going there in a couple of weeks) anyway! x

Obviously that's NC out of the window

Really angry now. She's due home in 15 mins and I don't know how to react.
Obviously I would NEVER lay a finger on her but I do feel like kicking her out!
I think exposure to her family begins tomorrow.
PLEASE someone tell me what to do?

M

In a way I feel happy. I think this kinda seals it for me.
I think it's about time I accept it's over and just get on with my life.
One thing is for sure, this will be the 1st and last time I get married.
I will never put myself through so much pain again.
Thank you all for your help

Well, she was meant to be home 2 and half hrs ago. I'm here crying my eyes out. I really cant do this anymore. Plan B for me now and then I'm off to Spain.
I've really had enough and I need to find some happiness.
I will show her this thread when I get the chance because I'm sick of pretending that I'm fine.
I am so sorry I wasn't strong enough

Mintol,

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I feel your pain because I, too, have only been married two years (our ages and WS' ages are the same too) and there are days where the hope seems to be gone, however, I am staying strong.

I am impressed with your determination and I hope your trip to Spain will bring you some clarity and wisdom. Take care.

I'm sorry you're in this spot. The lows on this rollercoater can be so defeating and exhausting.

The thing is, though, that it is a rollercoaster. And that's why it helps to have a specific, spelled-out plan that you're moving towards. It takes some of the pain away from the lows and gives you a focus, a light at the end of the tunnel.

Just a couple of days ago, you said "I have not given up on her, but I do find I'm changing my mind every 2 minutes. Although if I'm being really honest with myself I know I love her too much to give up."

You also said that you would keep up Plan A until the end of September.

So before you barrel ahead into Plan B and then off to a whole new world without her ... make sure this is what you really want. Don't just ride the latest surge of emotion ... use your head, and the heads of all the really smart people around here ... make a PLAN and know what you're going to do, specifically, and why.

I guess I'm just saying don't get carried away and do anything permanent (like move to another country!) based on emotions that change every 2 minutes (which we have all been through). You might be right, it might be time for Plan B (I don't know, ask some of the more experienced folks). But if you're going to go to Plan B, make sure you have an actual plan, run it and your PBL by the experts around here. Go into it knowing what you're doing, so it will have the effect you want it to.

Hang in there.
-AmI

Well I think I hammered the final nail last night.
I must admit that I had been drinking when I wrote those posts (Worst mistake ever!!)
When she finally arrived home I was very upset, infact I was a total mess! I told her everything I knew and I even told her about the software I installed on the computer (oh, how I regret that now)
She told me she only spoke to him on the computer because he spoke to her. It was meant as a final goodbye and I was daft to think otherwise.
Upset turned into rage and we ended up having a huge row. It felt like all the anger that I'd kept inside for so long just fludded out.
I tried to get her to leave the house and told her that I was going to put it on the market. We both threatened divorce and we both ended up screaming till the early hours.
I tried to remove every wedding picture from the house to put in the bin outside and she flipped. I received a slap in the face and a blow to the side of my head from a picture frame for my efforts. After that I smashed one of our wedding pictures. I forced my way into the main bedroom telling her that I was sick of sleeping in the spare room, and that if anybody should sleep there it should be her (Very petty, I know) Even so she joined me and we slept until this morning.

After sobering up the full realisation of guilt hit me as I remembered what I had been like the night before. I must have apologised a 100 times but obviously and with good reason she is very angry with me.

I really wouldn't blame her if she started divorce proceedings today.

One lesson I've learnt from last night is to STAY AWAY FROM DRINK!

I cant see any way of recovering from the mess I created last night.

Thanks ready2wait and amiok for checking up on me but as you can see I think I'm beyond help.
I really hope both of your situations work out.

Ok, so I've spoken to her over the phone and apologised. She accepted it but says she doesn't know where to go from here (which is understandable)
We even managed to laugh about some of it but I do know she is hurting.

Ok so I am not quite ready for plan B and that is my final decission. No more changing my mind, no more LB's and no more stupid mistakes.

I have told her that I am still 100% behind our marriage and the things I said last night where due to anger, hurt and alchohol and she shouldn't believe a single word I said.

I know what I need to do and that is to fight for my marriage. I need to be stronger than I have been and I feel I'm ready to do it.

So please don't give up on me! I welcome any advice you can give.

Thank you

Hang in there, and keep your eye on the end goal. It makes it much easier to take the low points.

Have you spelled out your Plan A? What exactly are you doing? If you post it all here, I'm sure you will get some great advice and points where you might need to redirect a little bit.

There are some really great experts around that can help with that -- maybe ask for specific Plan A help in your thread title.

Hang in there.

AmI

Thanks amiok!

Sorry it's taken me a while to post but my computer's power supply blew so I had to get a new one.

I feel a lot stronger than I did last week, and I'm currently finding it easier to deal with the things she says and does that upset me.

I'm pretty sure I've not LB'd since last Thursday, and over the last couple of days she seems to be opening up again and getting a bit closer.

I've still not received my copy of SAA so my plan A is still a bit choppy but here is what I have so far

Stay away from LB's (This is one I need to really work on now)

Get plenty of exercise and get in shape (been doing weights and cardio for about 2 months now)

Be nice and give praise for all the good things my wife does (I brought some flowers to say thank you after she spent all day painting the outside of the house while I was at work)

Do plenty of chores around the house (Cleaning the dishes, clothes washing, taking care of the garden, cleaning the house ect.)

Make the occasional small gesture, like giving her a small gift when I get home. (She likes the odd bar of chocolate)

Asking her out for dates doing things she likes to do (Things like the movies, the Zoo or going for walks) not had much success with this

Remind her from time to time that I am still 100% committed to our marriage and spending the rest of our lives together (Never give her mixed signals as I have been doing)

Do not come across as needy (So no more hugs and kisses unless she initiates it. Although I do still give her a kiss on the cheek before going to bed)

Keep an eye out for any signs of an affair and exposing wherever possible.

Communicating to her when she as hurt me in a direct yet CALM manner.

I have been doing virtually all these things now for a couple of months but as you can see I have messed up from time to time in a big way. So I now need to be CONSISTANT

She is still going out quite frequently with friends but as I know there is nothing I can do about this I try to not let it upset me. At the end of the day she has every right to go out as long as it is with FRIENDS.

She still talks about Australia but I'm putting this down as fog and a way to run away from things. I know this is not likely to happen till next year so it's not something I really need to worry about for the moment and I'm not going to let it upset me.

Any ideas/suggestions?

Thanks all!

Update

Ok, so a few days have passed since I last posted and I think things have been going pretty well.

As far as I can tell there has been no further contact with the OM. we have spent a few nights in together watching films and chatting about stuff in general.

On Tuesday it was a very nice day over here, so when I got home from work I asked her if she would like to go for a walk. She didn't accept my offer so I decided to go on my own. We are surrounded by farms and lovely views where we live, so it's nice to get out and have a long walk.
I spent about an hour walking and even though I was on my own, I really enjoyed it.
When I got back I told her where I'd been and what I'd seen. She seemed disappointed she didn't come along.

We put on a film to watch but ended up chatting most of the way through it. We even managed to have a joke and a laugh on occasion (feels like a long time since we’ve done that)

Later on she began to get upset, again repeating things that I have written in the past. And asked me “Why as it taken all this for you to be how you are now?” I didn’t know how to answer this so I just apologised and told her that I was still 100% committed to our marriage. Apart from that I followed the advice given on here, so I just listened, agreed, and repeated. It seemed to go very well and we managed to get talking about general stuff and having a joke again after.

Last night when I got home she seemed very depressed, I asked if she was ok, but she just said she was fine. I decided to do half an hour’s exercise and then made us both a cup of tea with some biscuits (How British <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />). We watched another film, but again ended up chatting most of the way through it.

Once the film finished she asked if I minded if she went to bed, as she was very tired!! I know it's a small thing, but this is the first time she as asked me anything like that in a long time.

Tonight I'm making us both a meal, which I asked if she wanted last night, and she seemed to appreciate the offer. Again normally she would say things like "Nope I'm fine" "dunno!" "I'll make my own" "I don't want you doing things for me" So again this was a first in a very long time. After the meal I’m going to go for another walk and ask her to come along. Hopefully she will join me this time, but if not I will enjoy it anyway.

I can see she's sitting firmly on the fence right now, and I know it's up to me to gently ease her over to my side. I know I can't drag her over like I have been doing and I certainly don't want push her over to he other side like I have nearly done from time to time. I feel so much more confident about myself at the moment, and much happier for it.

One thing she said last night that did upset me a little was "when I go to Australia you can come visit me" I didn't react or say anything. I just carried on looking forward towards the TV. She then said "I was Joking you know?" So I just gave her a smile and began to talk about something else. Was this ok?

I finally got my copy of SAA yesterday and as she's going away for a hen weekend with some of our friends, I'm going to take the opportunity to get stuck in.

Thanks again!

Bumping for some of the experts to weigh in -- I'm certainly not one.

But -- Wow! I think you're doing great!
I like the going on a walk, anyway thing. Good job.

Hang in there!

Mintol
This is the first time I have posted to you but I felt I had to.

What a feel good post. I really needed that today.

I will go back and read the entire thread another time.
I just wanted to say thanks friend for putting a smile on my face.


Blind