I agree with others that you need to hope for the best but expect the worst. Too often even when confronted with undisputable facts the WS will still look you in the eyes and lie through their teeth. As for whether or not it makes it any worse if it was physical or not, although probably hard to believe, it is the deception and the dishonesty rather than the sexual aspect that is really the heartbreaker for BS's.

As for the images, that is really a tough one that I asked about on here several times without a lot of good feedback. The one that I heard most often was that time heals old wounds. I have come to believe that without intervention on our own part, time really heals nothing. The exercise that I found to work the best for me in getting past the images was doing some mental imaging of my own. Anytime that I would have images (including and especially when we were having SF) I would force myself to think of a certain thing that I loved and that required my total attention. At first, the images happened all the time and so I had to just imagine doing the activity, not actually doing it. Just so you know, I have always had a love for animals and training them. My mental picture when images of the A would pop up was to imagine that I was working with an especially difficult horse and going from fire in the hole to a respectable, gentle and obedient animal. More recently, as time has passed, the images are far less frequent although they still happen. However, I have started training a young horse that not only takes up some time for my wife to be able to wind down (which was an emotional need for her) but also gives me even more vivid images to use in my exercise when I need them.

Good luck.

NT

We haven’t fully worked through the A yet, as there are other issues coming first, but I plan to. I hope I never have to do it, but if I am proven wrong about there also having been a physical side, I'll post here. It would be nice to hear some non-lying for a change.

Although I still have my computer snooping devices in place, I have decided to stop actively snooping. I have to say it’s been REALLY hard. The technique that has helped me is saying a prayer for my marriage whenever I get overly anxious. I never prayed much in the past, but this has been a nice discovery and source of peace. My IC suggested I try it and I’m glad he did.

I truly hope we can get to a place where we are BOTH completely transparent with each other. I have realized I need to play my part in this, not just expect it from her.

As for the images, it seems like if I ask her to go over all the details, then it will be easier to bury in the future. I hope I’m right rather than just giving me more to be distressed over.

Good luck to me and to all here facing such a terrible gut wrenching experience. Thanks for being here and I hope my experiences can provide some comfort to others in the future.

I truly believe that there are some spouses out there who may innocently strike up a friendship and, when they realize that the relationship is moving in a "bad" direction, they cut it off. They don't cross that line.

I pray for you that this is the case in your situation. Nothing is more devastating than knowing that the person you committed to spending the rest of your life with has decided to cross that line.

I personally disagree with the notion that an emotional affair is just as damaging as a physical affair. I can't put into words how it makes me feel knowing that my husband would share with someone else that part of our relationship that was set aside by God to make us one.

But anyway, I wish you well. Maybe you can be one of the success stories I see here.

Just wanted to report back that yea, it is true that my wifes affair was limited to an emotional one. This of course still hurts and we are trying to work through it, but a new road block is trying to derail us.

My wife is diagnosed with bipolar disorder and during eposides uses pot to try and manage it. I feel this is getting in the way of her treatment but she feels I'm just being too parental , so we are now having to deal with this new wedge in our marriage.

But at least we are still both dedicated to putting in the effort to try and make this work.