Last time I posted I was living in MN and struggling with his first affair, at his place of work. We have relocated to AZ, went though this course, and other similiar seminars. I believed we had survived. Two days ago, I discovered that he has an ongoing on-line affair. The ironic thing about my story is that he met her from an activity we decided to do as a couple to strengthen our marriage. I'm devastated, to say the least.

All his promises that he would never hurt me again like this. I am so alone. My family is 1800 miles away.

Oh my god, I can't do this again, help me. I believe he is addicted to the high.

We have went through his needs, her needs, and love busters. Was it all a lie.

I am sorry to say this. But he seems to be a serial cheater. It is possible that he has earned this label previously. But now YOU know.


Recovery with serial cheaters is a much more serious matter than with one time cheaters. The serial cheater has a personality defect that entitles him (more often him then her) to continue to do this as long as they believe they can get away with it. You should read all that you can find on this site and others as well on serial cheaters, Read about their psychology. Study the possibility to recover a M. The statistics are not encouraging at all for a lasting recovery with serial cheating WS's.


Those who have been successfully recovered often are successful only after a radical life altering experience in the WS such as a radical religious devotion, or a complete "hit the rock bottom" destruction of their lives. Otherwise it will be promises, promises, promises, teary eyes and apparent remorse, but when the turmoil of the last discovery has settled a new A is started.


I am deeply sorry to write this post to you. I can feel your pain, realising that you love this person. (Or the person you believed he was.) I will advice you to be cautious before you commit to a continued relationship. Do not continue if you are not fully 100% convinced that he has indeed changed. Do not accept a life with a man who feels entitled to have other women in his life. Respekt yourself!

Thank you Frank for caring enough to be honest with me. I believe you have hit the nail on the head. It is only now that he has been forecoming on the fact that this was a pattern in his previous marriage. We have discussed the possibility that his has something wrong in his head. He has agreed to see a counselor with me on Friday.

Last summer we had attended two life changing seminars, which had given me a spiritual awakening that I have never experienced before in my life. My awakening came about when I found the awesome power of forgiveness,
forgiveness is was a gift I had given myself. At the time I believed my WS had the same awakening. Since my post last night I have choosen to draw on that experience. I choose to continue my life fullfilling a contract I made to myself, which is.

"I am a Beautiful, Happy, and Strong Woman!! YES, I AM!!!

I will choose to forgive my WS in time, but that in no way means that he will still be in my life. Forgiveness is the only tool I have to release my soul from this pain.

My WS has made his choices, and his choices have not been working for me. I am hanging on to you post I will read it often. I choose not to accept a life with a man who feels entitled to have other women in his life.

Thank you again Frank, you have given me the "Strong" again in my contract.

God Bless
Lisa

Dear LSherry

Your assessment of the situation seems to be sound. I don't know him, you do. But the signs are not encouraging.
I am glad to see that you have found God. Very many on these pages have testified that He carried them through. Prayer is highly recommended in crises like this, and in good times as well.

What I am most glad to see in your post is your deep understanding on forgiveness. Forgiveness is a key to healing for both the WS and the BS. Also the understanding that forgiveness and committing to a continued relationship are two separate topics. You should eventually forgive. IF he is a serial cheater you should think twice before you recommit.


Do study literature or the internet on serial cheaters. Build knowledge. Pray. Show respect to yourself. And take the time you need before you decide. God bless!

Edited to ad: Rereading your post I see that you didn't actually say you met God. I read that into the statemnt on life altering seminars and forgiveness. I did not intend to lay Christianity onto you if that has not been your choice.

You seem to be strong and proactive. May you again find happiness in your life!