ok so my ww and i are going into our 4th therapy session. 2 of those sessions we did them separate even though we were there together because we had our DD with us.

I'm having an issue with our therapist. I feel like she does nothing but puts all the blame on me and give my WW the go ahead to do what ever she wants. Maybe this is the right approach for this or not, i don't know.

We have been in therapy now for a month. Recently I found out from my WW that the person she had an EA with in November gave her a pair of ruby earrings for my step daughters 8th grade graduation. I asked her about it and she just said somebody game them to her at work. i left it at that until i chilled out a bit then asked again later and she told me. she said she is not in contact with him (which if that was the case the earrings would have never came into play). I brought this up with the therapist and she said that it was no big deal since it was for my step daughter and not my WW.

Also some of the things she told us we can do inbetween sessions on rebuilding our trust and stuff, i tried to use and didn't work too well. When i brought that up, she told me she never said that. Which surprises me because i wrote it down at the time she said it in my journal along with her examples.

In any case my WW and I are moving out of state to get away from all of this. I will look for another therapist in the new city we will live. Right now my WW is so lost in the fog, but there are times of clarity and i cherish those days. Other than that I just do plan A.

Any suggestions or ideas. I'm only going to be in this state another 3 weeks and I can't get another therapist in time, but don't want to drop therapy since it's slowly getting my WW to open up and talk.

Lost

I would stay with the same therapist and not complain about her. She may not be that great, but it is only for a little bit of time, and at least your wife is going.

When you move, please be sure that the new therapist is pro-marriage, and ANTI-affair.

that's my plan. the one i had heard from recently, i had explained what had happened from my point of view, but he had a game plan. He said it's right now only based on what i said, but it will change after talking to my WW. But the problem is that he wasn't avail until the week we were gone. I would have taken him in a heart beat. Its just hard being confinded by insurance and limited funds or i would have talked with more therapists before picking one.

I learned the first time, and don't plan on making the same mistake twice.

I'm just looking foward to 7/14. that will be our last day at work and 7/16 we leave this area to start new. although the issues will be there, but will be that much harder for her to make contact. Well be staying at my dad's place, unless she takes off to a library or something. who knows, what ever is left will die and we can start working on recovery after her withdrawl.

i just feel like i'm sitting here watching this therapist driving us apart and i'm thinking, i could have done this myself and saved the money. Oh well. Atleast she is there with me and told the therapsit she wouldn't be there if she didn't want this. good sign i hope. but she does have fog talk alot of the times.


Lost

You might want to try the Harley's. They are expensive, but cut to the chase, and have very good results with talking to the WS. You might only have to do a couple of calls - just a thought.

i was thinking on that. I just finished school and got my degree. I'm so surprised that i managed to even pull that off and go through this and hold the family together at the same time. I'm now more marketable and just opened up the job market to myself. Something I am really looking forward to. So with that I'm pretty sure I can afford it, and probably could pass it off to insurance as going outside the network and get reimbursed for part of it. well see.

I like their approach almost like a Dr Phil style to some degree. I'm in the middle of reading His Needs, Her Needs. But I figure staying with my dad and not really have anything to pay for accept our car and auto insurance and a few credit cards, I will more than likely take advantage of it. From what I'm understanding, they seem to have a good track record. As for my WW i think IC would do her some good in dealing with some of her own personal issues, that i can't help her with but by being here and supportive.

Harley's might be expensive, but if it gives us our marriage until we die, it's money well spent. :-)

I've been posting here several years, and have never heard anything bad about counseling with the Harley's. Yes, it is expensive, but they get to the point quickly, and do well with WS's. If I were you, I would give it a try.

You might be able to do it in one or two calls.

I just looked at their rates. It's only little over $100 more than what i'm paying right now with insurance to my current MC. I'll give them a shot once i land a job to where i'm going. from what my dad and a few friends of ours that live in that area, the job market is growing drastically and I have one friend who is just waiting for an opening to get me in at the place he works at.

there are so many positive things that are coming out of this move, my WW is starting to see it. Not all but most. I know this will help us grow back together again since we have grown apart over the years from our messed up work schedules and nobody to watch our DD in the evenings if we wanted to go out. That's one change now.