Hey all,<P>I caught up on Airheart's thread tonite, one which many, many people were drawn to. Lots of people posed on that thread the question of "why doesn't this feel right?" Or, "when does this get better?"<P>Well, after thinking on it a bit, I thought I'd try something different. Sometimes, the tension between marriage partners happens because they have different expectations. Sometimes these differences are even unknown or unacknowledged between them. So, I thought I'd ask a basic question: what is it that you want from a marriage? What is essential?<P>Sooooo...jump on in as you see fit. Here's my thoughts to start:<P>I want to be connected and accepted for who I am.<P>I want to be able to look my wife in the eyes and KNOW we are one. There's no one else intruding or in the background.<P>I want to be able to be comfortable being vulnerable in her presence. That I trust her to protect me when i am vulnerable.<P>I want to be strong when she needs me.<P>I want to celebrate life and savor shared moments together.<P>I want to raise sons who are solid, balanced, loving contributors to society. And, I want to do it together with my wife.<P>Those are the basics. How about yours?

I want to see my husbands eyes twinkle when he looks into mine...<P>I want to lay my head on his shoulder when I sleep...<P>I want to love him more and more each day...<P>I want to hold him when he's sick, hug him when he's cold, and sit next to him at our children's weddings...<P>I want to grow old with him...<P>I want to make him pot roast every Sunday afternoon...<P>I want to love him the way he deserves for the rest of our lives...<P>I want my husband to know he is loved because he is just him, no other reason, not because of anything he's done, just BECAUSE HE'S HIM. <P>------------------<BR>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<BR>

Gee it's too easy to say "everything you said", but I will ! Both of you (YES! Even the pot roast, I love to cook , she can't... That's always been O.K.) I would add also:<P>Help heal her past hurts.<P>Find out together, what those hurts are.<P>Be her friend, she's never had a real one. I tried.<P>Look into her eyes with completeness.<P>For her to accept God into her life.<P>Know that when I did hold her, that she knows I meant it.<P>Raise 2 kids in a committed enviroment.<P>Share the rest of my life with Terri , that felt good!<P>Eric32<P>

Gosh, Eric, There's a long-term Terri on this site and for a second I soooooo wished you were her H....<P>This is a nice thread...I'll think on it...

DM,<BR>Nice thread, what I want is------------<BR>To wake up from this bad dream!<BR>Tilll then, I just want to keep going, happy, loving, caring, for ever. I know that can happen!!!!!<BR>Almost <P>--------<BR>TIME <p>[This message has been edited by Almost Happy (edited October 02, 1999).]

There's a movie with Diana Ross where she is listing off a long list of complaints to a political candidate about how her husband ran off and left her and she can't afford the rent and the water is leaking and she's got unpaid parking tickets and.....(you get the idea)...<BR>the candidate says "madam, what do you want"<BR>she says "I want my man back!"<P>duncy, I want my man back....to be only mine<P>------------------<BR>Kellie<BR>Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough<P>

I just want to feel connected to him and feel his covering over me. I'm sure there is more, but right now, these are top of my list. These are what its going to take to make me happy and to know we are on the road to recovery.<P>(Of couse, I want to feel like he thinks I'm his soulmate. Like he wants me standing beside him for all eternity)<P>(I want to watch over him as he sleeps and share his concerns in the morning. I want to make him happy)

I posted elsewhere that so many of my friends have asked what's in this marriage for me. I cater to my H, put my needs aside for him. He hates yard work, I hired a service to do it. I do all the housework. I do the cooking and all the cleaning. When he's unemployed, I support him. I do not nag. I do not fuss at him, not even about PSBFH. <P>So what's in it for me?<P>Well, for years it was the knowledge that he'd be there. That while he might not be as emotionally supportive as I might like, at least I can rely on him to be with me. That when I get home, he'll be there. That if I have to go out of town to visit family, I can call home and he'll answer, not be out with PSBFH, or worse, bring her into MY house. That whatever happens, he'll be there.<P>I no longer have that, and it feels as if the rug has been pulled out from under my life. I no longer trust. I can no longer rely on him. I no longer feel that I have unconditional love, that PSBFH is a sword of Damocles over my head all the time.<P>I miss it. I want it back. And I know I can never have it again.<P>That's what hurts most.

Okay, yeah... this has been so hard for me to identify. I tried in my "how long?" thread to put my thoughts into words...<P>Lessee. Um... I want to feel that my wife is the most important person in the world. I want to be afraid to lose her. I want to look forward to getting home from work so I can see her. I want to know that she is the one that I want to share the rest of my life with. Basically, I want to LOVE her.<P>--andy

I want to be alone.<P>I can't believe it, but I want to be alone.

I want to think of him and only him.<BR>I want to desire him physically.<BR>I want to feel passion for him.<BR>I want to appreciate that I'm lucky to have him.<BR>I want to KNOW that I am meant to be with him for the rest of my life.<BR>I want to have no regrets.<BR>I want to miss him when he's not around.<P>The main thing is the knowing...I want a sign that I'm doing the right thing by staying with him.<P><BR>

I want him to talk to me, to share his feelings so that we can become emotionally close to one another.<P>When something exciting/funny/sad/important happens, I want to think "I can't wait to tell H about this" because he would be my best friend.<P>

I'll jump in<P>I want to be there for her when she needs me<P>I want her to love me for who I am <P>I want to feel desired<P>I want to be her best friend<P>I want us to be honest and open with each other, so we can work on any problems that arise<P>I want her to look at things I have done wrong in the past and say...I forgive you<P>I want to see her smile all the time<P>I want to wake up with her in my arms and have her tell me "I love you"<P>I want her to be protected by me and let me protect her.<P>dzrt

O.K. here goes:<P>I want to know in my heart he's my lifelong partner and have no doubts.<BR>I want no other man to compare in my eyes.<BR>I want to feel that closeness.<BR>I want him to be my best friend.<BR>I want to laugh with him for no reason at all.<BR>I want to always long for his touch and kisses.<BR>I want to know that in his arms is where I belong.<BR>I want to have conversations with him without arguing.<P>I want to be happy with my life.<BR>

Dunc:<P>What I want is a wife who never cheated on me, but I've already lost that and I can't get it back because . . .<P>what I really want (and hence #1 has lost some of it's importance) is HER <P>-- and now I've got her back, so I guess I have what's MOST important.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>