I am trying to Plan A my H.. Is it as successful if you are not living together? We have completed EN Quest and he really didn't give me any ideas on what to do to correct what he was unhappy with..I have asked him to give me more of an insight on what I am NOT doing so I CAN do them..I thought maybe he was involved in an EA, but I am not really sure now if that is what it is or if it's just friendly conversation..
Can Plan A work living apart? Which way is best?

my story: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...&PHPSESSID=

Bosbo-
I'm not an expert, but are you 100% convinced there is no physical affair? If no affair, why is H not living with you and the young children. Most family men would be in agony if they left their young children for an extended period.

In my humble opinion, I think you need MC before you need to think about plan A. Plan A during separation doesn't sound right in your situation. Maybe others have more adivce.

I believe him when he tells me that there is no PA..Taking what he tells me about their contact and what they talk about, I really feel that it's a EA..He told me last night that he had hugged her a couple of times (she hugged him)when he was getting emotional telling her about the situation we are in..I am not at all comfortable with that, but I can understand her trying to consol him..I have no evidence there is anything physical..

The reason he isn't home is because he doesn't feel as though our marriage can be happy..Although, he does see the kids daily and takes them to stay with him about once a week..(I guess that's why I don't see why he can't come home)..He says he's not ready and I don't want to push..I do want him home badly..

I have suggested MC, and my IC says she wants to see me a few times before MC..I have my 3rd appt July 5..

He does miss the kids but he is just unsure about our future together..I think the biggest thing he is having a hard time with now is time.. Once he starts classes again in the fall, his time will be even less and he doesn't think it's fair to me for him to be unavailable..I miss him and miss the friendship we once had..Even though things are going so well the last few days, it's still a little awkward..I have forgotten how to be myself..

i'm exactly in the same situation right now. I have been Plan A prior to Dday but when i learned of his A (surely PA but not sure if EA ), i asked him not to come home hence Plan B.

We have been living apart for 3 weeks now. I want him back but i don't want him back. I actually don't want to look at his lying face. He was cheating on me for a month+ before i found out.

I have learned of Plan A since this week only although i knew intuitively before DD that i could only have my husband back if i acted nice in spite of his admission that he didn't love me anymore (and denying an affair) 2 weeks prior to DDay.

Now i don't know how to reach him emotionally. We chat online if i have something to tell him and we have met once since this happened. He says he wants time to decide what he wants. He is still in the fog although he denies that he and OW are still in contact.

I have gotten him a sign papers for financial support though so i am more or less okay with the money part (as of now). I just don't know how to get thru to him so he'd want to come back.

He doesn't want to come back because he is ashamed of what he did and that he is ashamed of my parents and family. he does not answer his mom's calls (MIL knows all about what happened and supports me all the way). He is living with his dad now and he says his dad doesn't know the exact reason why we're living apart, just that we were not in good terms and that it was his fault. His dad of course could not give him the right kind of advice since he is also an adulterer. MIL and FIL are annulled. FIL is living with his own OW. They are not married but they have 2 young kids. FIL is still playing around with other women. The predisposition to play around just might be genetic.

WH says he still does not have feelings for me. Fog-speak yes i understand now. But it still hurts. He says it is unfair if he comes home and he still does not have feelings for me.

I hate being in a state of limbo. Although i keep praying to God for guidance and that his will be done and that i have patience and strength.

Any advice on what to do next?

Also do i get in touch with OW and tell her to lay off WH? WH even defends her and says OW says he should stay with us. Yeah right! As if she doesn't initiate phone calls and text messages. DO i also expose them to their friends? They are old friends from college and she was the ex-gf of his close friend (talk about friendship! duh!). I can tell all their mutual friends about their affair but it just might be a LB.

Please advise. I really need help.

Thank you