I agree with New Jersey on this. She's a smart one and has helped me out many times.
Definately see a gyn. What you describe could very well be a chemical/hormonal imbalance. That possibility is so often overlooked. I know, I've been there.
If that checks out it could also be the reality of marriage really kicking in.
You ask if you can fall out of love, sure you can. Love and marriage are work and if you don't cherish and protect it you can lose it. So many people go into marriage having no idea how much it transforms your life or how much you need to work on it. I lived with my first husband before we were married and STILL had no concept of how marriage would change our relationship. I think there is a feeling of disappointment or ..... I can't find the right word for it right now... that hits when we find that marriage doesn't run smoothly all on it's own. It's hard, hard, hard at times.
I like the reminder that LOVE is a verb.... it's an action, a deliberate one. Love takes action to keep it growing, moving, changing. Left alone it usually stops as the action can not indefinately sustain itself.
It took me a long time to understand that. It took me a longer time to not feel disappointed by it.
It was a huge let down, kind of a loss of a dream and fantasy, to realize that wasn't the case.
I always had a vision that love, true love, was so strong that it just took care of everything, that it would always be there to get me through any down times. It SHOULDN'T take so much work if it was right and strong and true. Right?
Wrong. It's hard. Ask any couple who has been married 20, 30, 40 years. There are times you wonder where the magic went, where the passion is, where the feeling that this is SO right went.
That's were commitment comes in. Feelings come and go. The magic, the passion and the 'rightness' ebb and flow. The commitment of marriage - which one of the biggies that makes marriage different from dating - remains. And the magic, the passion, the rightness come back around.
You also realize, usually after the 'down' time, that the love was there. The commitment just carried it through.
So what do you do? First see your doctor.
Second, realize what you're feeling is common. I'd even say normal.
Third, take action. Spend more time together. Don't say you can't either. You CAN. Make him as much of a priority as he was when you were dating. We so often wonder where the excitment and intense feeling have gone while not looking at how much energy we devoted when we were 'falling in love'.
Read up on Plan A here. Even without infidelity I think that some of the recommendations and basics of Plan A are a great way, in the short term, to lay the foundation for growing closer.
Spend time together, make your home a sanctuary for both of you.
Do things to make you feel positive about you (work out, be attractive, take some time to take care of YOU). You did it while you were dating for a reason. Not only did it attract him, it make you feel good. When we feel good, wanted, we tend to reciprocate that feeling. It's a great cycle that makes dating fun and releases a lot of those chemical highs that feel good. Recreate that for yourself and your relationship.
Positive action usually encourages more positive action. Create an environment to fall back in love and allow commitment to carry it back to the front.
FIM
Last edited by faithinme; 06/25/06 12:07 PM.
