I found out a few minutes ago that I am an official divorcee. The papers were filed earlier this week, and the judge must have signed them the same day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I am shocked it happened so fast. And I'm very sad. It's so hard to believe that WH is now XH and no longer mine... Of course, he hasn't been mine for a long time now.

Now I don't know what to do. Guess I'm going to set up an appointment for the counselor again... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

I'm so sorry SM.

(((SadMommy)))

I'm so sorry! Praying for you! (((((HUGS)))))

I'm sorry for all the trying times you have been through. I know the Lord provides grace to us all to make it through each day. I'll make sure to keep you in my prayers.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Sulk a little if you must, it's completely understandable and earned, however, do so with optimism....it's only gonna get better from here on out.

Are you still considering moving closer to your family????

Mr. W

SM05 - I've never posted to you before but I am so sorry this has happened to you. You are asking "What Now"? I asked my self that 3 years ago when my ex walked out on me after 26 years. My children were all out of the house - so I had nothing to focus on. I know in some ways it was easier because they were grown but on the other hand I was alone - alone in a big and empty house and it was hard. But there is life after divorce even though I didn't think there would be. I am happier now then I've ever been. Have met someone who loves me for me and I can be myself with him.

Keep your head up and realize you are loved and thought about. I will keep you and your DD in my prayers.

I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this. I have followed your story and must say how impressed I am with you. You are a young Mom with a young child and YOU are a success. Your marriage may be over, but know in your heart that YOU did everything within your power to keep your family together.

You have your whole life ahead of you and you are a success story here. Be proud of yourself and cherish that beautiful daughter of yours! They grow up too fast!

(((((SadMommy)))))

{{sadmommy}}

(((Sadmommy)))

I am so sorry things went this way for you. I myself will be divorced next week unless a miracle occurs. I don't see that happening though....

You did all you could do and stayed on the high road. remember you are worthy and a treasure for any man.

One day we will all look back on this and realize God had his reasons for what has happened. You and you beautiful DD are in my prayers... God will continue to bless you...

Hurting

Thank you, everyone, for your condolences and kind words. You are all so kind and supportive. I don't know how I would have made it without your help!

Even though my marriage didn't recover, I feel like I myself am on the road to recovery. I feel like I have lived 20 years in the past two and half years....Dad dying, Bro1 moving away, getting pregnant, having DD, the affair, WH moving out, the divorce, trying to sell the house, Mom's medical crisis....

I am so tired. I know God gives us what we can handle, and that everything happens for a reason, but this has been an especially trying period in my life. I'm looking forward to better things ahead. I've GOT to, you know?

So how do people mark this transition? I toyed with the idea of getting a tattoo when this was final, but I'm not sure about that yet.

On an unrelated note, my danged cats peed all over the place while I was gone this week. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I made the unpleasant discovery this morning after I had changed the litterbox and realized the smell didn't improve. They have never done this before!! I called a pro carpet cleaner, and they'll be here tomorrow to take care of it. It had to be done anyway, since my steam cleaning job didn't do much for the house a few weeks ago... Grrr, more aggravation! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

So how do people mark this transition? I toyed with the idea of getting a tattoo when this was final, but I'm not sure about that yet

I thought about the Tattoo also - but then didn't - so I got a dog and two cats - wasn't allowed to have them while I was married.

Oh Yeah - then sang "I will Survive: at the top of my lungs at my nephews wedding reception. Wasn't pretty but it sure felt good. LOL.

(((((((((((((SM05))))))))))))

Continue focusing on yourself....and now....when you are ready....from out of the blue....someone new will enter your heart....down the road. With the dedication you had fighting for your marriage, you can stand tall!! Go buy yourself something, maybe go out to a club with some girlfriends, get "dittied" up...and let some men look you up and down...feel good about yourself!!! A chapter in your life has had the final words written. What will be the first and last words written in your next chapter????

God Bless you!
MWIL

I'm so sorry, SadMommy. Not that this is any consolation, but you are really very young. Mark my words, within five years you will meet somebody wonderful and stable at church or at DD's school or at an activity, fall in love and get married, and have a few more children. By the time you are 31, this will all seem like a bad dream.

Your ex is also very young. He will start getting pressure from the OW to get married and have babies, feel resentful and restless, break up with her, and spend his early 30s sowing his oats, switching jobs, living in cheap apartments and chasing skirts. He will finally get remarried in his late 30s to a divorcee, but her children will hate him and he will constantly feel jealous that your second husband is richer and more successful than he is.

I'm getting divorced soon too. Since I'm 37 with three small children, my crystal ball tells me that I will grow old alone until they find my mummified body on the kitchen floor nibbled by my 40 cats.

(((hoopsie))) Nah, I don't see that happening! Thank you for the kind words. I hope you're right, about MY future, anyway...

Good title for a thread. Do you know why? Because "it's over" for him, that's why. It's just beginning for you.

I liked hoopsie's "predictions", and I'd like to add one, if I may?

Your ex-husband, if he actually marries this "much older" OW, will definitely regret it eventually. He'll be wanting to hang out with people his own age, and she'll be wanting him to go play Bingo with her at the local VFW hall.

Perhaps he's wanting to stick with her so when she starts collecting Social Security, he won't have to work. They can sit on the sofa, watch soap opera's and drink Ensure together.

You, on the other hand, will probably meet some gorgeous, well-to-do man and he'll take you and your daughter on a Disney cruise. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

***A little piece of advice....someday, you will look back on this and say "That wasn't so tough, thank you Lord for being there with me."

I'll keep you in my prayers

Hi, Arabesque. That's what everyone keeps telling me, that XH has messed up HIS life, not mine. The rational part of me sees that. He's going down what could be a very bumpy road full of heartache.

I hope I will soon be able to look back on this period of my life and feel the way you say.

Sad,

You know what you should do first. Change your screen name.

I say this all the time to people.

You were probably happy before you met XH. It may take a while but one day you will be happy again.

It is hard to think of all of that time and not be very sad.

You do have something of significance from this M that validates you and that is your children.

As much pain and heartache we have all endured I know one thing. If I had to do it all over again I would so I would have my sons in this world exactly the way they are.

Without her I wouldn't have these two guys.

For you this chapter is closed but you will start a new better chapter because of the lessons you learned.

You are not a quitter. They say quitters never win and winners never quit. Your XH is a quitter so you know what that means.

I didn't even think of changing my screen name. That's a good idea. Hmmmm... (SadMommy scratches her head)

Seriously, though, you are right. I have said myself that I would go through this awful stuff a million times over with no hestitation if it was the only way for DD to be here. She is the light of my life.

And about what you said about being happy before meeting XH.... to be honest, I met him when I was 16, so it's hard to remember. I've got a long way to go, but I'm going to get there!

Don't do it! You'r too classy for that!

(Just my opinion.)

-AD

I am so sorry you became a member of this darn club. Shucks...didn't want any new members...we don't want our numbers to grow.

I like Hoopsie's prophecy though <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> and it might happen.

your x is tossing his life away...but repeat after me....

REPEAT AFTER ME...

he is NOT MY PROBLEM ANYMORE!

say it several times! don't have any more responsibility for him. I know. carrying the weight of my xh..those burdens as still his W during all his crap was far too much for me to bear.

he is digging his own grave....and he doesn't even know it yet...

sooo...when I crossed this threshold, I knew that my xh had a very very preggers ow...and that the future might hold something dark..but I had no idea it would have c ome so quickly...

but nevertheless...what did I do? I announced to my closest friends here that I was single again.

and like any good friends...

THEY ORGANIZED MY RE-BACHELORETTE PARTY!

and what a time we had! I had two of em' and a girls' trip to FL! I sent out invites....and sent one to the xh who had instantly remarried the ow...that sent a shock down his spine I can tell you!

why?

in the end...WE ARE THE ONLY ONES FREE OF THE BURDEN OF THE INFIDELS...WE ARE THE ONLY ONES TRULY FREE EVER. You now can begin healing in your own time. You can mourn the loss openly, the ws cannot. You can cry. You can remember the good times...THE WS IS NOT ALLOWED TO MOURN THE LOSS OF THEIR FAMILY WHEN THE OP IS AROUND...NEVER! why do you think they end up cheating on the OP? That is why. Plus they have so much unfinished business. It is sad actually. WE GET CLOSURE...WE GET FINALITY...WE HAVE PEACE AS WE DID ALL WE COULD DO FOR OUR FAMILIES.

I HAVE NOT ONE REGRET.

I did all I could do and still do all I can do for my ds. I am 100 percent a real woman and know that only a real woman can walk thru fire for her children....and that a real woman doesn't fight fire with fire spiting a cheating H with more infidelity...no...I fought it with dignity and honored my marriage until its demise. I laid it to rest in peace.

The day it was signed finally by judge? I did cry. I sure did. I cried to my Father. I gave over my xh to Him as he was no longer mine. And I left it at the feet of my God.

And wanna know what happened?

About two weeks after...after the dust had settled, after he had remarried the ow, I awoke one morning. And the morning was brighter. My skin looked better. I slept thru the night. And I felt weightless! Like a ten thousand pound burden had been lifted from me. It was my Lord saying to me He had taken my burden...lifted it.

So be open for the blessings now as they will come your way. This door seems shut...but there are beautiful windows opening for you...and out those windows? A beautiful world awaits. The sun is shining through those windows beckoning you to now join the world again. Your time in purgatory...in limbo...is now over.

It is time to begin anew my friend. You are not alone. but you are in an elite few...I count us as champions. We fought the greatest fight in the world...and we are still standing.

The wS? the OP? Leave them to their own devices now. Destruction is their destiny. And you will do nothing as it's set in stone...already underway...their fate is sealed.

You can date when ready, you can always wake in the morning and look yourself in the eye and LIKE WHO YOU SEE SMILING BACK AT YOU...no skeletons..no hidden agendas...no horrid lies..no betraying those you promised to love and protect. You know you're better..stronger..

You're more of a mommy than ever before~

One song I downloaded and loved?

More than a Woman by the late great Aaliyah....

Because WE ARE! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's his loss. And he'll see it in a very short while.