10 steps to a plan B letter

1.State that the WS actions with OP are have eroded your loving feelings for them and your number one priority is to protect the loving feelings you have for spouse. In order to do this you must separate yourself from their presence and contact so their actions cease to diminish your love for them.

2.State of intention to stay married to spouse.

3. Acknowledge own shortcomings in creating the marriage rift. (generally but factually)

4. State intention to keep children in original happy “two parent” marriage.

5 State intention to work with spouse to rebuild marriage better than it was before, to create a situation for both of you, so happy you will be completely fulfilled in the marriage.

6 State - separation. no personal contact for any reason - names of intermediaries of choice - if children in family - how to hand over children for visit through intermediary - financial - separation unless it is for children's needs. (sometimes you cannot keep them with you and have to pay support).

7. State intention to separate financial accounts if there are no children.

8. State conditions for rebuilding. NC with OP and NC letter to OP. Include job change, moving away, limiting (moderating) FOO contact and changing social circles if one or all of these is the only way to NC. Acknowledge that this will be hard for them and state your willingness to do anything to make this possible and to support them through the changes necessary.

9. No other way to see or talk to you. Do not make exceptions to the boundaries - (common sense - in life or death situations, they, intermediary or doctor would automatically contact you and separation would be put on hold)

10. Reiterate love for spouse and intention to be married to them for the rest of your lives.

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I was asked to help someone with a plan B letter. I couldn't find a template like this, it's probably under my nose, so I had a try at making one. I expect I have missed things out or got something wrong, but it is my first attempt. Comments welcome

SP

Here is my Plan B letter guide. Of course you will have to alter it to fit your actions, but it goves you a good way to write the letter so you can get the vets to go over it and rebuild ity with you if necessary.

10 steps to a plan B letter

1.State that the WS actions with OP are have eroded your loving feelings for them and your number one priority is to protect the loving feelings you have for spouse. In order to do this you must separate yourself from their presence and contact so their actions cease to diminish your love for them.

2.State of intention to stay married to spouse.

3. Acknowledge own shortcomings in creating the marriage rift. (generally but factually)

4. State intention to keep children in original happy “two parent” marriage.

5 State intention to work with spouse to rebuild marriage better than it was before, to create a situation for both of you, so happy you will be completely fulfilled in the marriage.

6 State - separation. no personal contact for any reason - names of intermediaries of choice - if children in family - how to hand over children for visit through intermediary - financial - separation unless it is for children's needs. (sometimes you cannot keep them with you and have to pay support).

7. State intention to separate financial accounts totally if there are no children. Or state finanacial legal required support and method of payment.

8. State conditions for rebuilding. Or not. If A involved, NC with OP and NC letter to OP. Include job change, moving away, limiting (moderating) FOO contact and changing social circles if one or all of these is the only way to NC and/or chance to rebuild. Acknowledge that this will be hard for them and state your willingness to support them through the changes necessary. You can also put a time limit on how long the offer to change is open.

9. No other way to see or talk to you. Do not make exceptions to the boundaries - (common sense - in life or death situations, they, intermediary or doctor would automatically contact you and separation would be put on hold)

10. Reiterate love for spouse and intention to be married to them for the rest of your lives.

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revised -

SP

I think that looks really good. From one of the books I read, it talked about saying there was a time line, but not indicating what it was. Basically saying you will not wait forever. I don't know if that is something important for you to include.

When I wrote my husband my "detachment" letter, I expressed my love for him, that I wanted our marriage, etc etc etc. But because he had abandoned his marriage,family,home, he was not going to come into the home, have family dinners/visits (like he wanted) until his "issues" were resolved. I said I realized my part in the environment of the marriage of the past years and was sorry and now recognize that. I also said something about realizing I have no control over his choices/actions and therefore he has his time to work things out. And I said I would wait, but not forever. And lastly, contact would be limited.

The email sounded better than what I just wrote, but you will get the gist of it.

good luck

I think that is a good comment, those whom use this will read the comment and see if it fits for them. I just couldn't find anything like this, so decided to have a go.

Thanks

SP