I just got off the phone with WH's cousin in an attempt to expose the A but unfortunately, WH's cousin went off on me! She told me that this M has no hope and that this M has no chance. She then told me how dare I report this A to WH's boss. She was so mad at me and said this M has no chance now that I exposed the A! She was so p*ssed at me! She wouldn't listen to me while I tried to tell her that I am trying to save my M. I'm shaking right now and I had to end the conversation.

I'm so upset and discouraged. WH has obviously informed the rest of the family of the work exposure. I'm scared of this outcome...Help!

Hey R2W,
I think that people have that scared knee-jerk reaction when they weren't he 1st to hear about it. If nothing else, now the light of day is definitely on the A if he is speaking with the family about exposure. And you know those fantasy affairs are not going to last too long in reality. Hang in there. Keep developing your plan and executing.

I'm not out of the woods yet. But I remember feeling the same way as you when I was back at your stage.
Best of luck,
--d2m3b.

ready, try not to panic. The WS's family nearly always sides with the WS, no matter how blantant the WS's behavior has been. You know the old saying - blood is thicker than sh*t.

Be prepared for them to blame YOU for the problems in the marriage - that you're crazy, you're demanding, you're unstable, blah blah blah. It's far easier for them to blame YOU than to look at what their own family member has done, so that's normally what they do.

They will probably tell you some crap like "We just want WS to move on and be happy." Translation: "We know he screwed up baaaaaaad but we'll feel better if we don't have to see YOU anymore and be reminded of that."

Look at it this way: Their anger and defensiveness is a sign that they know damn well he's done wrong. You have done a very good job of stirring the pot and making WS's life just that much more uncomfortable due to his cheating.

Hold your ground and don't let them scare you. They're counting on it. YOU did the right thing.
Mulan

ready, don't let her upset you. She is circling the wagons around her cousin. Sadly, some family members do this because they could not care less that their own family member is having an affair.

Your H got to her before you did and spun the story with him starring as the victim and you starring as satan incarnate. You have been pre-empted here with spin.

Nor does she have any idea if your marriage "has a chance," so pay her no mind. Your marriage had much less of a chance before you exposed it.

Just calm down and don't let it upset you. Not everyone will be your ally.

Yep, they're right, ready. While it is always a good idea to expose the affair to the light of day, especially to the WS's family, the WS family can be hit or miss.

In my sitch, I'm the one who told XH's dad where he was living when he moved out, and I told everyone in his family who would talk to me what XH was doing. Their response? "We don't want to get involved."

Mulan is right, unfortunately, that blood is thicker than water, and the family doesn't want to believe their precious child could do something so awful. So they are in denial. Angry denial. My ILs, after promising that I "will always be their DD, no matter what happens," haven't even called me since January. They're embarrassed by their son's actions, as well they should be, and I guess I just remind them of it. It's a real shame.

R2W...

Honestly, as upsetting as I know this is, I really see it as a success...Here's why, exposure is already beginning to work it's magic, it's allowing the CHAOS caused by the affair to shoot shrapnel all around that family...K, now try to stay out of it's way and try not to REACT to it...Believe me, that family is in turmoil, and guess what? It's not because of exposure, it because of his ADULTEROUS AFFAIR...CONSEQUENCES...Now we just need to get you some armor...You are a VERY STRONG WOMAN, you've shown us that with your bravery around here...BREATHE, YOU CAN DO THIS, AND WILL BE EVEN STRONGER FOR IT!!! Even still, wish I could give you a hug!!!

Press on R2W...

Mrs. W

After all the WH has put me through, he's made me look like the enemy. WH must be pretty ticked if he went to tell his extended family about the A. He's not too close to them. I know WH wanted to leave this M quietly without a hint that he was in the wrong. Well, I'm not about to let that happen. Could he have been so idiotic that he'd think I'd let him get away with this A at work? It's been going on since late March! He's got to be kidding himself if he thought I'd go another day without reporting the A. He's out of his mind. Who is he trying to fool?

His family is definitely on his side. So much for "being friends" with them. WH needed his family on his side because he's lost so many friends in the process. All his friends have become my friends now. He's betrayed everyone who has tried to help him. All he has are unfaithful work friends, OW, his disfunctional violent friend, and now, his family. Boo hoo, cry me a river.

Like I mentioned before, WH has a violent friend who has been his biggest ally in this fiasco. I changed the locks to the door but I'm thinking about getting a security system. His friend is looney.

Misery loves company R2W...If you feel threatened, yes, get a security system...And while you're out, be cautious, not paranoid, just cautious...

And yes, WSes are most often delusional enough to think that you will sit quietly by and let them go about trying to legitimize their illegitmate relationship-THE BIG OLE IDIOTS-DUH!!! Good for you for not allowing that to happen!

Grab a chair and watch as the fireworks begin...By the way, yes, he is ANGRY now, but your marriage can survive his anger, what it could NEVER survive is his ongoing affair...

Mrs. W

R2W,

All the people that support him and his A, now get to 'meet his ENs'. WHAT?? YEP, the WS' ENs.

U B safe.

take care,
L.