I apologize for the threadjacking. Not for my comments about Casey and Angela, but for the threadjacking. I won't post anything more on your thread.

“I know that YOUR AFFAIR with your partner(s) did not help in her decision to divorce you. “

First, I have always been completely honest about that. And it was PARTNER, no plural. It was a lady I met 4 times TOTAL, who lived out of state. Two of those times were simple meetings at restaurants and NOTHING else, not that that makes it any better. She was not married and had no children in her house. After I was discovered by Angela, I broke contact. I have not had contact with the lady since.
And Angela, who was still actively in her affair when she caught me, was in no way honestly considering ANYTHING else other than D. She was biding her time to try to get the goods on me in whatever way possible to help her in the D. My A only gave her a convenient reason to file without looking like the 100% bad guy in the deal. Don’t be so naive as to think otherwise.


”I think you use those kids of yours as pawns just as Ed does. How is that good?”


I am trying to protect my children from a woman who clearly is not making rational, sensible, moral decisions that are in the best interests of her children. Her A is about HER AND HER ONLY. Please give me ONE REASON, one small reason how her A with a married father of two, and planning to break up both families, destroying the families of 5 children, is in any way “in the best interests of the children”? Please give me any simple reason why it cannot be accepted to be exactly what it is, A SELFISH ACT ON HER PART AND TO THE DETRIMENT OF THE CHILDREN. And her A is controlling everything she does in her life right now.


I do not want her taking my 3yr D to see that piece of trash, and encouraging my 3yr D to like him, to the point where D says the things to me that she says. How healthy for my 3yr D is that? What kind of example is she giving our children? Her behavior over the last 13 months has been very, very irrational, and very much so to the detriment of MY children. You say I use those kids as pawns, why? Because you think Angela has some God given right to have those children all the time regardless of what she does with them and around them? She is damaging these kids FOREVER. They see their mother carrying on with a married man and father of two while she is still married to their father. Allie is too young to understand, but the boys understand. She continues to push him at them. Did she tell you that she convinced Logan to play football after he had already told me he wanted to play soccer as he always has? And guess who just happens to be the football coach? She truly has no shame.


Why is it just accepted that unless I give her the kids, go to work, pay all the bills, and don’t ask questions, that I am “using the kids as pawns”? If I could, I would quit work and be with my kids full time. But, being the only responsible adult in the scenario, I must support my family. She knows nothing about that, and has never appreciated that.

Once we are divorced, when the kids are with her I have no control over what she does and who she sees around them, as far as OM is concerned. I know that.

Do I let myself get angry and yell? Most definitely, although now much less than in the past. I continue to work on my issues and am doing much better, considering the circumstances I have been subjected to for the past 13 months.

I can tell you that these past few days at home with the kids and w/o Angela have been very peaceful. There has been no yelling and we have been laughing and having fun.

It has been very difficult to keep my emotions in check when Angela is around simply because she has been purposely manipulating my emotions to her benefit for the past 13 months. She has been consistently emotionally and mentally abusing me for 13 months. She knew that I was unable to emotionally let her go and she played on my desperation to save my marriage.



”I have NEVER supported A in her A last summer and you know that. I do support her in her D. I probably would not support her had you not gone and had your OWN affair.”

As someone else pointed out, her CONTINUING A, or didn’t poor little honest Angela tell you that truth?

I support her in her D as well, because it is also my D, and I need it quickly.

As someone else pointed out, when my A was uncovered, I immediately stopped it, have never gone back to it or any other women, and did what I could to repent for it. Funny, I gave her a second chance after her serious emotional and physical A. But she didn’t even consider giving me a second chance for my physical A. And that is because she never intended to stay in the M anyhow.

And never, never excusing my idiotic, immoral actions by having an A, if my WW had truly wanted to reconcile instead of continuing her A, we would have. And then I would not have been in the world of pain, feeling lost and unloved, and gotten into an A. And again, no excuse for me. But as I told Angela many times since, the difference was, when she had her affair, she was glad she was with OM and not me, when I had my A, I was wishing I was with Angela.


“I am shocked...You called your W a slut on this board?”


No I did not. She is not my W and has not been for at least 13 months now. Would it make it better if I phrased it as “she is conducting herself as a slut would”, or “she is acting like a slut”?

I am not sure how else to describe a women who drives up to see her married lover on his lunch break for lunch and a quick “servicing”. But oh yeah, I forgot, “it is “true love””
And I guess you consider OW in your situation a fine, moral, upstanding person?


”I only know what she is telling me...”


And look at that closely Kandi. What do you know about Angela to be FACT as far as her honesty and truthfulness? I don’t have the time to type out all the irrefutable facts that show she is a consistent liar, devious, deceptive, manipulative, plotting, and with malice.

“That you called the OMW to your house”

Yes I did.


“and allowed her access to your wife”

No I did not. As OMW walked by I told her to hold on as I was on the phone. She kept going, so I got off the phone and literally ran after her yelling “hold on, hold on”.


“and then sat there and watched her beat your wife up in front of your D...”


No I did not. First and foremost I got Allie in her room as she was in the hallway, not our bedroom where Angela and OMW were. Then I went in and broke it up. By the time I got in there they were already going at it. OMW had the phone, talking to her H, screaming at him. Angela said “Casey help me, get her off me, help me”. I grabbed OMW and pulled her off and said “stop this, stop it. We can’t do this.”
It kept getting heated and I had to break them apart 3-4 times. Then, during a break in the action, when they were separated and I was between them, Allie walks in. I immediately run and grab her and take her to her room again. When I come back in they are at it again. The whole incident lasted maybe 3-4 minutes before Angela locked her self in the bathroom.

Think Kandi, if I wanted Angela beaten up, why wouldn’t I have just gotten Allie and gone next door? If I had wanted Angela beat up, by leaving I would have given myself complete deniability of what happened and would not be involved in the situation at all.
Honestly, Angela is lucky that OMW got to her when I was there. If OMW had gotten to her at another time when I was not around, she would have been in for much worse.

You know, Angela has done some reprehensible things to me in the past 13 months, but I do not want her physically hurt. I would take no pleasure in that. Regardless of my current emotional state, I will always care about her in some ways. We are a part of each other. You cannot be with someone for over half of your life, and your entire adult life to date, have a family with them, and then have zero feelings, regardless of what is currently happening. The person she is right now disgusts me. But when I let myself think of her as the Angela she used to be, I loved that Angela to the depths of my heart. She is the only person in my entire life whom I loved and trusted completely, and the only person in my entire life whom I thought loved me completely. It still hurts.

Oh yeah, did Angela tell you how she tried to play like I was assaulting her when she was on the ohone with OM? She tried to grab her love phone out of my pocket, and when I grabbed her wrist to stop her she yelled in to the phone “stop it, you are hurting me, let go of me, stop”. So I got her hand out of my pocket and left the house. That is why I was standing in the driveway when OMW arrived.

“that she called the Police”

Yes, that is right. SHE called the police. I did not. I had no intentions of calling them for me.

“and YOU told the police she attacked you...YOU then had her arrested and sent to jail....and then got a TRO against her...”

100% lie. The officer asked me to come out on the front porch to speak with him and Angela about what happened between her and OMW, which is why the police were there.

Before I had a chance to say ANYTHING he asked about the scratches on my neck. I said “oh, no big deal, I am not worried about them.” He stopped me from going forward 3-4 times by saying “no, wait. Those scratches concern me. How did you get them”. He would not let me drop the subject. I tried to blow it off as “no big deal, I am not worried about it”. But he would not let me. So I honestly told him that Angela did them. So then he asked if she was trying to harm me when she did it. I asked to have 5 minutes to clear my head. I didn’t like where this was leading. I didn’t want to do this. My God, I didn’t want any of this. At that point in time I was already wishing that I had not found what I found that afternoon and was still blissfully ignorant.
He wouldn’t give me 5 minutes, he wanted an answer. The officer persisted, and I honestly told him how I got the scratches. And I have told OMW straight up that I will honestly describe what I witnessed between her and Angela if I am asked to do so.

”CAsey, I am appalled at this last turn of events...”

I find it totally amazing how you, just like everyone else she has in her corner, whom she has manipulated with lies, still totally accept 100% what she tells you. How can you naively believe what she tells you when you know for a fact how dishonest and deceitful she has consistently been over the past 13 months at least? How can you accept someone as the “victim” when you know what she has been doing? How can you know what she has been doing to me and still label me as the “perpetrator”? I know I am not perfect, and I do bad things at times, but come on, this is ridiculous.

I got the same thing from her family when they called yelling at me about it. They say “Well, I don’t know about all that other stuff (all her irrefutable lies), but I believe her about this.”


Hey, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. She fooled me twice so shame on me. However, you and the rest of those supporting Angela have been fooled 1000 times over, you know that you have been fooled, but continue to accept what she tells you at face value. I just don’t understand that.


“if it's NOT true..the how did she end up in jail?”

As I said above, after she called the police, the officer pressed me to tell him something that I clearly did not want to discuss and that I attempted to avoid discussing. I told him I didn’t want to talk about it, that it was not a big deal and that I was not worried about it. He would not let me drop it.

“with a restranging order against her own children?”

ANOTHER LIE. There is not and was not a restraining order against her own children. Standard procedure was that a temporary protection order be placed for me against her until the hearing the next day. I could have gone to the court hearing and asked for the protection order, it would have been given to me automatically if I asked for it, but I told the prosecutor that I did not want one.
As of now, no protection order or other wise exists.
Just last night, the GF’s husband asked if the kids could go to their house to visit with Angela. Sorry, but I could not do that. I have no reason to think other than that I would not see the kids again until the divorce is over. So I offered to let her come over to my house to visit with them. So she came over and visited with them upstairs while I stayed downstairs.


I am not using the kids as pawns. I only know that she is unstable right now, and if she has the kids, I have no right to see them unless she lets me. And I now know that for 13 months she has consistently dealt with me in a deceiving and plotting manner, never once dealing with me in good faith. Can anyone, other than those who continue to believe her lies, reasonably try to tell me that I should do anything other than expect the very worst out of her as far as I am concerned? She is clearly acting in her own best interests’, period. If her kids’ best interests were of concern to her over her own selfish wants, she would not have behaved as she consistently has over the past 13 months.

Did Angela tell you that I was at my lawyers’ office the next morning, telling her that I did not want to escalate things, that I hoped we could get back on track in mediation and avoid trial? That I did not run to my lawyer with sword drawn and breathing fire?
I can tell you that Angela ran to her lawyer with sword drawn on Tues making all kinds of wild claims and threats against me.
My lawyer had an offer to her lawyer on Tuesday (incident was Monday night), an offer on how to manage time with the children for both of us while the D proceeds.
As of Thursday morning we have gotten no response, no counter-offer, no nothing from Angela and her lawyer.

Did Angela tell you that when my lawyer let slip the time of my appointment on Tuesday morning that Angela drove over to my parents house with the Sheriff to get the kids? Luckily I had the foresight to not have the kids there, I KNEW she would try that.


“And how did the OMW end up at YOUR HOUSE???”


I called OMW and told her that she might want to come over so that we could talk and so that I could show her a few things.
The last time this happened, Angela was driving out of the driveway with the kids when I got home, and refused to tell me where she was taking the kids. I luckily guessed that she took them to her mothers and went and got them while she was at her lawyers.
This time I knew not to leave my house because I know full well that if I did the kids would not be there when I returned. I actually began to drive to OMW house, but turned around and came back because I was worried that Angela would take the kids and run, just like she did last time.
The last time I went to OMW’s house and talked to her and showed her the evidence I had then. So this time was not a new thing. It wasn’t much different than last time except this time I made sure that Angela did not take off with my children.


”I listen to A when she needs someone to talk to...SHe has been there for me and I will continue to be there for her...”


As you should. And you can believe whatever she tells you. Just do not attempt to present it as the truth and to use it to tell me that I am not acting appropriately.


I do find it ironic that after what you went thru with Ed, with you being in my position in your troubles, you are so eager and willing to support someone who is on Ed’s side of the equation. Why is Angela any different from Ed or his OW? Why am I not as worthy in my situation as you are in yours? I spoke with Ed a few times back then. Did I ever, ever come back at you, supporting Ed, criticizing you based upon things he claimed to be true? I never did that.


”Some of the things that go on with you two NEEDS TO STOP NOW...”


Absolutlely. I agree. Whether she and I like it or not, we are going to have to interact after the D. We have to get along. I will always be dependant upon her to a certain extent for assistance managing my work and the kids. I know this.


“Angela is the MOTHER of your children...”


And because of that there will always be something between us. But you know what, I am the father of her children. Maybe she needs to have someone tell her how inappropriate it is to try to replace me with her married OM, particularly while she is still married to me. She encourages Allie to like him. Allie is 3yrs old, she was 2yrs old when this started. She does not know any better. All she sees is OM being sweet and nice to her and mommy, and mommy being happy around OM. Of course Allie doesn’t know that OM is being sweet and nice because he wants something from mommy. And then Allie sees mommy and daddy always arguing and being mad at each other. And Allie doesn’t know that mommy draws daddy in to arguments because she wants to tape him to use against him.

“do not call her names in front of them...do not degrade her in front of them...”


Ever since Monday night I have consistently told the children how much their mommy loves them and how good of a mommy she is to them. I tell them that I want them to see their mommy as much as they want to. I tell them to love their mommy. I tell them that mommy and daddy just need to work out a few things between us and then they will be back to seeing us both as much as they want.


I had hoped and expected that an agreement would be reached yesterday. I was disappointed when it was not. I hope one is reached today.


To me, an agreement is just something to fall back on if everything hits the fan and we must operate on the minimum. I would want, and hopes that she does to, that we can operate in a flexible way over and above any agreement, for the kids benefit. I have always wanted that.

Even in mediation, I was fully agreeable to giving her the right of first refusal at all times. My only stance was insuring a bottom line arrangement with the children that I can count on in case Angela and I deteriorate to where we are where you and Ed seem to be.

How would you feel about someone telling you to be “reasonable” and depend on Ed’s good faith and good will towards you as far as the kids are concerned? Think about that for a second and then apply the same standards to my situation.


Our mediator told us that we were the most agreeable, most willing to compromise couple he has ever dealt with.

I want this de-escalated. I want it (D) over. I want to move on.


“You guys have no idea what is going on in this relationship...NO IDEA!!!”

And neither do you Kandi.


“Casey is a LIAR! PERIOD His wife did not attack him...He called the OMW over to HER house and let that woman in her house...she proceeded to go up to her bedroom and attacked her...all the while casey is standing there watching...”


Funny Kandi, I thought you were in Texas. I did not know that you were at my house watching all of this unfold firsthand so that you are so certain of the “facts”.


“Angela was beat up by this woman...she had to go to the ER.”

She was fine until the officer told her to turn around to be cuffed and taken to the cruiser. She pleaded to not be cuffed. When he said he had to, then suddenly she felt very bad and needed an ambulance.


“He put a TRO on her.”


False. Call the courthouse. Standard procedure is the TPO after her arrangement until the TPO hearing the next day. I had no control over it. And I did not request or receive a TPO when the hearing was held. I did not even appear at the hearing.


“He will not allow her to see her kids.”


Then she has an identical twin that came to my house and visited the kids last night.



“He is also actively participating in HIS OWN AFFAIR(s)...”


News to me. I would love to hear whatever nonsense Angela may try to present about this. As Cutbert Calculus knows full well because I told him at the time, I have exchanged a few emails with someone on a strictly friends basis a few weeks back. And I specifically told this person that I would not do anything else until my D is legal. I even refused to call on the telephone. Not because I think I owe anything to Angela, but because I know that Angela has screwed me up emotionally and it would be risky of me emotionally to start seeing someone right now.


“Casey has a lot of anger issues that he needs to get control over....”


I am hoping that the biggest catalyst for me will be gone shortly….. so I am dealing with it effectively.


“how do you know she is a liar?”


Maybe because they can read, and can see where her very first posts last year were complete lies where she blasted me while having her affair.


“he's got you all suckered into thinking he has changed”


I am CHANGING, verb, ongoing. I know and even told Angela just Monday morning that for me it will be a lifelong journey and never a destination.


“and done everything in his power to win his wife back.”


I did everything that I was capable of doing based upon my emotional abilities at the time. “Everything in my power” does not mean “perfect attempt”, it means the best I was able to do, which I know is far from as good as many others could have done. I never wanted to lose her. And I even allowed myself to be pathetic and clingy while she mistreated me because of my desperation to save my marriage.
I have not gone for more than 2 weeks without seeing my IC since last August. Why don’t you ask Angela when the last time she saw IC?


“all the while he is sleeping with woman on the net...”

I have admitted meeting ONE woman and having 2 encounters with her in Decmber05. That is it, period. If Angela says otherwise, it is just another in a long list of lies.


Kandi, don’t you live in Texas? How are you so knowledgeable of the “facts” in my situation?


But I guess Ed is the one telling the truth about you guys as well? I have spoken to him recently. His side is very different from yours. Do I accuse you of lying? No I do not. I have no idea what is the truth. My assumption would be that you are giving the more accurate description of things. Maybe I should not be so willing to give you that benefit of my doubt?


A few people on here have pointed out your double standards. You have the right to have whatever opinion you want and to act on a double standard if it is what you want. Just don't try to defend it as being anything other than that.


“this is not a healthy relationship by any means. Casey has done his fair share of destroying it.”


We can agree on that.

I posted the following post last night, but I deleted it on second thoughts. But as I see that my initial impression of Momto3boys is most likely correct, I will repost it again.

Tired_Dad,

You are wasting your time on Momto3boys. It is obvious that she does not give a damn about your side of the story. She magnify your old A, while minimizing (not even mentioning) your WW's current A. She claims that you use the children as pawns, without pointing out your WW’s failure as a mother. For goodness sake, your WW is trying to make her scumbag OM the father of your DD. Momto3boys gets on you for your WW’s arrest without taking into consideration your WW’s actions that led to it.

You don’t need people like Momto3boys in your life. From the beginning I believed that your WW was a hypocrite. Just like your WW, Momto3boys is also a hypocrite. One the one hand, Momto3boys bemoans her WH’s actions, on the other she condones or disregard your WW’s actions. One the one hand, she magnify your actions, on the other she ignores your WW's actions. She is not the type of people whose friendship you need.

During a divorce, one often finds out who their real friends are and those who are not. Momto3boys is not your friend. The sooner you accept this fact, the better off you’ll be.

This is an absolute sick statement as to what people can do to each other....I have to ask how any of this helps anyone on this board to save their marriage, protect themselves or recover from infidelity. It has become a series of personal attacks....and frankly I am appalled....

TD, MT3B....I wish you all the luck in the world but this guy can be no help to either of you...

In Kandi's defense, Angela is a master at manipulating things to keep her self as the martyr.

Frequently throughout our marriage, and all the time in the past 13 months, she has been able to manipulate and maneuver anything she wanted, in to being my fault.

I can remember times going in to an arguement knowing I am 100% right, then find myself apologizing, then being mad afterwards for apologizing when I knew I was right but being unable to keep her from twisting me in to a corner.

But Kandi's reaction does dissappoint me. As I said above, I NEVER, EVER accused her of lying based upon Ed's side of things. I have enough sense to know that I will never know the true facts in that case, nor would I want to.

As I said, Momto3boys is not your friend, nor should you expect her to be--after her disgraceful actions.