I know, I've been gone awhile. Really not much has happened, I still struggle with forgiving myself for allowing this all to happen, I hate that I allowed OM into my mind. I have gone 2 months NC then it happened.
I was in a public place with a friend and he was there. I did all I could to avoid him and slipped out with my friend who helped me find "the back way out" and no sooner did i get into my car there he was. With my friend standing right there and all of those feelings rehatching it was a rough go. I did manage to break away with very little socializing and a hesitant wave. I don't know, maybe I needed this to happen to understand where I am at this point.
There are days I'm furious, I had to give up my job and decent pay due to him and there he is still at that company.
My friend has helped me see he is a predator, he stalked me and the EA may not all have been in my control. This guy worked on my mind pretending to be my best friend for a few years til he took a very vulnerable time in my life to his advantage. I am not claiming no responsibility, I hate myself for allowing my part to happen and am so thankful it never went any further than an EA considering the jerk OM really is. I have EXPOSED this to my friend who is friends with his W and my H of course but all the details. My friend has hooked me up with a counselor, I just haven't made that phone call yet. I have asked God for forgiveness as well. The one thing that I am so caught up in still is that I never ever wanted any part of a PA so how did I allow an EA. Looking back at this, yuck!!!! What was I thinking.
I'm babbling, sorry. I'm still peeking in and trying to deal with this mess. I guess I need to just let it go, forgive myself and move on. All that know have but I can't give myself a break. Guess I'm always going to be looking over my shoulder to see if he not there, I had a psychopath/stalker for an OM. No I couldn't fall into the traps of a sane person. THe counselor through my friend has confirmed this much. In the end I have to live with myself, just don't know how to live with this mistake.
Again I say, don't go there it is so not worth it. Think about your spouse every second you get those crazy thoughts and how you would be betraying them/hurting them. In the end it is just a fantasy...it's not worth losing the one who truly love over boredom or problems that can be worked out.
OFF MY SOAP BOX and done whining, thanks for listening.

Ssorry you are feeling so bad. Kiwi and Suzet have both had contact with the OP also. That just proves that Harley's theory of no contact whatsoever, for any reason, is essential for healing.

Hey Smfry,
good to see you again.

I'm sorry you ran into him like that. Did you tell your husband about the contact? I think it is very important for you to do that.

Next you need to forumulate a plan for how you are going to handle it should it happen again. Might I suggest driving off without speaking and should he be standing too close to your car, I would think it would be just fine to keep driving and should your tires roll over his toes, so be it.

Seriously, you need to decide how to leave without speaking and no waves either. That could be taken as an invite to make more contact.

And next is call the counselor. Make an appointment. Go to the appointment.

How are things going in your marriage?

smfry13,

While your path has been commendable, I believe that your journey will be much longer without the acceptance that you are 100% responsible for what has gone on in your life. Once you embrace and practice that concept, the OP will take his proper place in your life.

Best of luck.

95% responsible, 5% plain stupidity hows that?
Within an hour after running into OM H was told. I'm not keeping secrets any longer. It is what I have found to be an insurance plan. As long as I keep him informed of all that takes place I am sure not to fall completely back into fantasy land. I almost did run OM over, he was not moving and I wanted to leave. See, I have this problem of not being able to be mean to anyone. Rudeness, not me. I have to treat this as if he is dead but his ghost pops up and sets me back. Think I do get stronger after getting my grips.
As far as my M is concerned all is going well. The best thing I did was leave my job. I was able to take that big step back and think about all of this craziness thru a clear mind. I am out of that fog but that satan creature keeps trying to pull me back in. Won't happen. Through all of this I realized what a slime bag OM is and how unlucky his W is to have him. On the other hand I woke up an realized all the good I had going. I do work around a lot of men in my new job but I have learned from my past experience not to repeat.
I think I have had a little different of circumstances than some here, my OM began as a predatory/stalker/psychopath. All confirmed through this counselor. I fell victim to his charm. I not taking responsibility for my part in the fantasy game, what I took as flattering turned into some really scarey stuff.